#URBAN DICTIONARY: #Black Don’t Crack: The skin of African Americans does not wrinkle and show age as much as individuals from other ethnic backgrounds.
Why did I choose the name “My Black is Not Cracking?” Well, for years I had heard that phrase. Well into my 30’s I would get carded and there would be a surprising response upon inspection of my driver’s license. If the guy carding me happened to be African American, I would often hear that phrase. “Black don’t crack.” I used to think it was funny. And it felt like a compliment. I mean who doesn’t want to be mistaken for someone younger?
And that is the issue that bugs me the most now. Why are we all so obsessed with being mistaken for someone younger? With Anti-Aging? Why is it not okay to be the age that you are? Why do we live in such a youth obsessed culture? I totally understand that looking good makes us feel good, but what I want to get to is “feeling good, making us look good!”
I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but black most certainly does crack. It might crack slowly, but it cracks! I’m watching it crack…daily. And I feel bad about it, but should I? Yes, it is true the skin of African Americans doesn’t wrinkle as fast as it does for those of other ethnic backgrounds. But, as good as we may look on the outside, we disproportionately suffer from hypertension, diabetes and obesity.
Now not to get too deep into the science of why black skin doesn’t crack as fast, in a nutshell it’s because of the type of melanin found in our skin. We are walking around with natural sunscreen on. And the darker our skin, the more UV protection we get. Further, we have a type of collagen in our skin that also helps prevent sun damage.
I found this in an article in the paper some months back, that Skin specialist and aesthetician Bianca Estelle, also states that we typically have a higher oil content, so we have a natural skin hydration system that makes black skin look hydrated and smoother. In the same article, Dr. Almaani stated that although our skin does well with sun, it is still prone to discoloration, pigmentation issues from sun exposure and hormonal effects.
Another doctor, Boris Paskhover, again, same article, who is a facial plastic surgeon stated that black faces also maintain structural support longer. We are born with denser bones in our face that don’t break down as quickly as other ethnicities.
So, those are the reasons that our faces take longer to crack. In addition, we are less prone to osteoporosis. But what I really want to address is not just how we look, but how we feel. (Inside and out) Why was I so devastated when I looked in the mirror one day and pretty much every day since? (with my glasses on!) When did my face shape turn into a square?
Why are we obsessed with anti-aging, instead of aging well, with style, grace and dignity? Why is the anti-aging industry revenue projected to be some $400 BILLION, by 2027? Why do many seem to be more concerned with their face, than their bodies, minds and spirit?
That is what this is about. The title was just to get your attention. Intrigued? Offended? Curious? Whatever. You got here. I hope you will stick around because this is for all women AND those that love them.
https://www.cireaformanall4sportsfoundation.com
On 6/4/22 I wrote a post about the loss of my granddaughter, Ciré Forman. In that post, I shared with my readers that one of my granddaughter’s goals was to establish a foundation or sports organization that would help to make sports more inclusive and accessible. An organization open to those with varying abilities.
I am proud to announce that we have officially launched the Ciré A. Forman All 4 Sports Foundation.
Unfortunately, (but not really) the time that I would typically dedicate to researching, writing, and editing a post was spent setting up the foundation and assisting with the first official fundraiser. On 1/13, Camden Catholic High School paid tribute to and celebrated Ciré by retiring her jersey in an emotional and bittersweet ceremony. They also announced a scholarship in her name. Our family is truly honored for this recognition of our amazing girl.
The foundation’s first sold-out fundraising event took place immediately after. Friends, family, and supporters gathered together for a bowling party. As I sat there watching everyone have a great time bowling, I couldn’t help but think how much fun Ciré would have had kicking everyone’s ass in yet another sport! (Are we calling bowling a sport?)
I am researching and have started several posts. I just haven’t found the time to finish any of them. I am hopeful I can find the motivation, time, and energy to recommit to my consistent blog posting. I really do enjoy sharing anti-aging and wellness information.
The past few weeks have just been challenging and quite busy, (Between the holidays, launching the foundation, and the 1/13 events.) so I thank you in advance for your patience and continued support!……uh, and your donation! (Please visit the foundation site for details on how you can contribute to Ciré’s dream.)
https://www.cireaformanall4sportsfoundation.com
Photo by Mark Fletcher-Brown
As a follow-up to my last post, I wanted to talk more about the importance of figuring out your “reason.” Your “Why.” And your “why” may even change from time to time, (growth perhaps) but there are actually anti-aging benefits to always having one.
Multiple studies have shown that having a purpose can actually extend your life! It turns out that having a purpose is one of the keys to longevity. (One lock with many keys!) And that’s good news for those folks that are actually enjoying their time here. But it’s also a wakeup call to those that aren’t enjoying their time. Purpose almost always brings joy.
Living a meaningful life has been found to greatly contribute to not only improved mental health, but physical health as well. There continues to be increasing evidence that having dreams, goals and a sense of purpose has been linked to better sleep, (which is beneficial to overall health and immune function!) lower risk of disease, as well as improved physical abilities, brain health, and cognitive performance. Having a strong sense of purpose could potentially lower your risk for Alzheimer’s.
Purpose can lead to community and a strong sense of community and meaningful connection has been shown to increase life expectancy. Just look at what are called the “Blue Zones” of the world. These are places identified where people apparently have the highest life expectancy. And while there are a few factors to consider, one of them has been determined to be a strong sense of community in those places. (They’re also physically active, but I’ll get back to that in a future post!)
I don’t know how anyone else personally feels about this, but I feel that social media and the internet in some ways has been a double-edged sword. Sure, it’s a great way to keep in touch with folks you are unable to see, and during the pandemic, it was a life saver. But there’s no substitute for a touch, or a hug. A text is not the same as hearing the voice of someone you love.
There is also overwhelming evidence to show that rates of loneliness and isolation have soared. Did you know that loneliness is also a risk factor for disease? Human connection, or lack thereof is changing the world, and sadly, not in a positive way. (And we can’t blame covid.) This was evident long before 2020! People walk by one another and don’t say hello, whether they have their heads in their phones, or not. Eye contact is rare, especially in the younger generations. Whenever I pass someone and eye contact is made, I say “hello.” It’s just how we grew up. But I digress….
So, back to purpose. Perhaps you have skills you can share. Maybe you have artistic ability and art you can share with the world. Maybe you have a long-ignored passion project or some cause you are passionate about. Maybe something pisses you off and you want to be a part of the change. Maybe you love to write or cook. Maybe you just love helping others. (And you can help others without even leaving your home or putting on your shoes.) You can also help others by simply volunteering. (And by the way, we launched (family) a brand-new foundation in my granddaughter’s honor looking for volunteers and DONATIONS! The Ciré A. Forman All 4 Sports Foundation. Just putting that out there!)
You might even help someone just by saying hello and offering up a smile. Something so simple can change a person’s day! Using your gifts in the service of others often leads to developing a sense of purpose. You might find that your gift may just be the act of spreading joy! (And no online classes or certificates are needed.) We are all capable.
One positive thing about the internet is that is does provide you with numerous ways and platforms to share your gifts and talents with the world, as well as opportunities to develop communities, even if only in the digital world. Trust me, whatever it is you enjoy, there are many folks out there that enjoy the same thing. Connect with them.
That said, I’m big on human connection. I will always choose to see someone in person over talking on the phone! (Even if it means wearing a mask!) Anyone that knows me, is aware of that fact. Obviously, distance can be an issue and perhaps your only option is the phone, internet, and social media. That’s all good. I just feel it is not ideal when it becomes your ONLY form of connection and communication. On the flip side, once you decide what lights you up, research is a few taps away. (Once you weed through the BS, of course!)
For those in a position, or with the desire to retire from their profession or work, or just having reached a certain age, one of the benefits is that you get your time back. You get to do whatever you want, whenever you want. So now what?
Some may feel that their job was their purpose. (I’m guessing for many it was merely a paycheck.) You did what you HAD TO DO to pay the bills and keep the lights on. You may have even enjoyed your work. Maybe you achieved all of your professional goals. Achievements are great, but they can also be short term and quickly forgotten. They provided short-term satisfaction. But now it’s time to move on. So, again I ask. Now what? Sit around and wait to die? Well, if you don’t find or have a purpose, that day might be closer than you believe.
Finding a purpose can provide far greater satisfaction and fulfillment than any short-term goal or achievement. Purpose is ongoing. Purpose is about making an impact. (And perhaps you were able to make an impact in your career. Good for you!) Having a true purpose means recognizing your gifts and using them to contribute to the world.
Your purpose is your why.
“Good to have a plan. Better to have a purpose.” ~ unknown
Okay, so everyone that personally knows me is quite aware that I’m a huge Earth, Wind & Fire fan. But no, I’m not talking about their hit song “Reasons.” Although some of the lyrics do apply. Well not the “I’m craving your body” part! But for sure, the “I don’t want to feel, and I’m in the wrong place to be real” part! Not a day goes by where I don’t wake up for the past 6-7 months, not wanting this to be real!
I don’t think it’s a secret that for the same length of time, I have been seriously questioning a lot of things. I’m sure I’m not alone. Even my religious friends have shared with me that they’ve actually questioned their own beliefs following the June 4th accident that took my granddaughter’s life. And no, this is not yet another post about the accident. This is about healing. This is about the reasons that you’re here.
The pain of the tragic loss of my granddaughter has at times felt unbearable. To lose someone that you have dedicated so much of what you do in life to, has felt earth shattering. One of the very important people; one that kept me going on bad days, and got me out of bed, is no longer physically with us.
She was such a factor in all that I do. The real estate investments were not just rental income for my future days, but something I wanted to leave behind to give her a head start in the world. I knew she would take care of her mom and her brother. She had already started to take interest in investments, credit, and finances which is rare for someone her age! She had just received her first credit card and opened a bank account. (Where she wisely, saved her money and spent everyone else’s! My girl! LOL Very much into the OPM situation.)
I have friends that have inherited, or will inherit from their parents, and as a result, are a little less concerned about their retirement than I am. I was parentless is 17. Social security was all there was, and that was short-lived. I have had to work hard for everything I’ve been able to secure. (There were times when I had not one, not two, but three jobs, AND a side hustle!) There wasn’t even an insurance policy that I’m aware of when I lost my mom. If there was, I didn’t see a dime of it. So, my goal has always been to make sure that my kids had a little more security than I did.
So, everything I have done in the past 21 years has not only been for me, but for my daughter and her kids. When the accident happened, I lost a huge part of what I had devoted the last 21 years of my life to. They were all the motivation I needed. Instead, for the past 7 months, the eagerness to get up and get rolling some days is all but gone. The loss can make days feel meaningless. When someone we love dies, the part of us that was connected to them, dies with them.
The pain tears you up inside. You have days where you think you can’t go on. I imagine that many contemplate suicide. My grief counselor shared with me that she had suicidal thoughts after losing her son, but never acted on them. Instead, she has dedicated her life to helping others to manage their pain and grief. She redefined her reason for living. Many people like her, do just that. They overcome life’s challenges by helping others facing similar challenges.
And that is exactly what me and mine must now do. We have a choice. We can just give up, or we can redefine our reason for living. And I have already reminded my daughter, we are being watched over. Giving up is NOT an option. Our girl wouldn’t have quit. And she would be very disappointed in us if we did! We still love and NEED EACH OTHER. That alone is a pretty good reason to keep going.
At some point we all must face struggles in our lives. These challenges shape who we become. I also think we all, at one time or another, question our purpose here on earth. Typically, this occurs during a major transition or loss. (Like right now!)
BUT we all possess the power to rebuild our lives and to become the best version of ourselves. It ain’t easy, but it is certainly necessary. We must learn to assign new meaning to our lives. What we cannot do is underestimate our value in the world. We MUST believe there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if right now, we can’t seem to see it. We must believe that we have a reason for being here. We all have a purpose. Some just never take the time to discover what their purpose is. Sometimes, it takes a tragedy to get us to stop and reexamine things. It also teaches us the value of time and that there is none to waste. Figure out what sets your soul on fire. Do more of that!
We all have skills, talents, and experiences to share. True purpose is about recognizing your value and recognizing your gifts. And when I say gifts, I’m not necessarily talking about artistic talents, or musical abilities. Quiet as it’s kept, we CAN’T all sing.
You may discover that your purpose can be as simple as bringing more joy to others. It can be helping others in a myriad of ways. There is always someone’s day you can brighten! Maybe that’s all the purpose you need. Having a sense of personal purpose is what sustains us. It’s uniquely ours.
For me, what currently keeps me going is of course, my daughter and my grandson. My writing is another. I tell myself each time I sit down to write, which could very well be my purpose, there is always someone that needs to hear what I have to say. That took a while to realize and accept. I still struggle with it. But I believe there is always someone that may appreciate my unique perspective. There are always folks out there that need a good laugh. (Even if it is at themselves.) I have an opportunity each day to make someone smile, whether through my words or actions.
Find your reason for being. Figure out your gifts and share them. Someone needs you. And it may just be someone you’ve never met.
Top Photo by Amer Mughawish
Bottom Photo by Nathan Lemon
- TO HEAL
- To look in the mirror and see myself again and not just see Noodle’s Mom Mom. (Although I will always claim that title like the badge of honor it is!)
- To be as generous with myself as I have been with others. Allow myself quiet time to heal. Give myself (and others) the permission to cry. To give others the space and room to manage their own grief.
- Ask myself what I want and need from myself and others and get over the fear of asking.
- Surround myself regularly with those that understand the pain and share my feelings of not just loss, but of a shared love. To be with those that do not require me to censor my feelings. To be with those that can share our thoughts and our pain openly and honestly. But also to celebrate her life.
- Carry more happy memories and less pain and guilt. Accept that I am human and the feelings I have are normal. It takes time to recover from such a shock and loss. Parental grief is not only mental, but physical and takes longer to recover from than ANY other type of loss. (Psychological fact. PLEASE do not keep calling me to talk about your second cousin to the third power! Or your hamster. I am so over the grief-off competition.)
- To not be bitter and angry. To not look at families with longing, sadness, and jealousy. To not envy happy people.
- To keep my girl alive in our hearts and celebrate her. She is still part of our spiritual family. The body is gone. The spirit is still with us. She is still part of the universe.
- Acceptance that life is forever changed, but to survive the loss. To find moments of peace and happiness and allow them to expand into hours, days and weeks.
- Be grateful for the 21 years of pure joy. To appreciate that she lived more in 21 years than I’ve lived in 60! Reclaim the ambition, drive and bravery she demonstrated daily! (I used to be her. I seemed to have lost that part of myself.)
- To seek help if I find it impossible to manage the pain on my own and encourage those that I love to do the same.
- MORE – Eat more greens. Take more walks. More Meditation. Lift more weights. To convince more of the folks I love to do the same. Create more opportunities to share my gifts with the world.
Photo by engin akyurt
“And we wept that one so lovely should have a life so brief.” William Cullen Bryant
I received my first and possibly only Christmas gift in the mail. (Don’t worry. I could care less. Unless someone wants to buy my new roof!) My good friend sent me a book on grieving entitled “Grieving is Loving. Compassionate words for Bearing the Unbearable.” By Joanne Cacciatore, Ph.D. I’ve quoted from the book a few times in this post and highly recommend it for anyone experiencing grief this holiday season. (Hopefully, Joanne won’t mind!)
Believe it or not, it was the perfect gift. And by the way, never ask a grieving person what they want for Christmas. You know the answer. They want their loved ones returned to them.
But real talk, the only thing you really want for the first Christmas without your loved one is for it to be over. Holidays center around family, which under normal circumstances is a wonderful thing. But nothing about these circumstances is normal.
“For many, when someone we love deeply dies, life is not normal-not yesterday, not today, and not tomorrow. Life is forever changed.”
There will be an empty seat at the table. The person that would normally annoy the living hell out of me by eating my lovingly prepared gourmet meal out of a plastic take-out container won’t be there. No idea what that girl’s issues were with plates. I wonder what a plate ever did to her.
Her grandpop, (one of several) said to me recently, “I miss her asking me to do shit I didn’t want to do.” We miss the texts that just said, “mom mom.” Or “pop pop,” or “Yo Debs,” and then nothing. You just sat there waiting for the other shoe to drop! You thought to yourself, “What’s this going to cost me?” How far do I have to drive?” He was right. We all miss her asking us to do shit we didn’t want to do, that after she went through her “ask-a-dex,” one of us would inevitably end up doing. (Often Debs!)
One of her other grandmoms texted me a few days ago that she too was sad. She was thinking about how much she missed the last-minute Christmas list. We all miss her, and the holidays seem to just amplify that pain and that absence. Beneath the rare glimpse of our smiles lies much pain. We miss her every moment, of every hour, of every day, week, and month that has unfolded since June 4th.
A year ago, this past weekend, her mom and I just followed her around the Nike and Adidas stores in NYC whipping out cards when summoned. Shopping was followed by taking in all the holiday festivities in the city, and then “snot bubble” laughter over Italian Food. For me, it was one of the happiest holiday memories ever. I will cherish it forever. I loved spending time with my two favorite girls, and I’ve been a Christmas geek my entire life.
I started thinking about just how many people are sadly sharing this experience with us. I thought about the countless number of people who had empty seats for the past two years of holidays because of Covid. I’m thinking about the empty seats at the tables of the families of those slain college students, and the empty seats of the families of the victims of the nightclub shooting in Denver. I’m thinking about the numerous people of Ukraine who lost some, or even all their family as a result of another stupid ass war. (I have said for many years, greed would destroy the world.) I wonder how those families are holding up. How do they get out of bed? Are they keeping wineries in business too? Did they put up a Christmas tree only to see it sit naked for a week because, who cares?
I read this statement in the book and it holds a lot of truth. “Usually, the world pays no attention to death until it’s personal.”
Well, it’s personal. And grief is such a lonely place. I personally have found that is important to surround yourself and keep close to those that know this place and space. They share this space. You can lean on each other. You can share not only the love but the pain that only they may understand.
Well-meaning friends may even just try to avoid you. I feel that. I understand that. I feel the dark cloud I’ve been surrounded by, and the truth is, I avoid them as well. Even through texts, you feel the pressure to move on. Your pain makes them uncomfortable. They just don’t understand. And when folks tell me they can imagine what I must be going through, I often tell them, “No you can’t, and to be grateful for that!” Not only do I get to experience my own grief, I get to witness my daughter’s pain. (Which often is worse.) I love my kid and like any parent, you never want to see your children in pain and suffering. Nursing her back from MS was easy. But there are no supplements, dietary changes, or exercise that will take away the pain of this loss. (Although, it is a fact that exercise and diet can have a positive effect on mental health, mood, and energy, as well as reduce stress.) All I can do is be there; hug her and listen when she feels like talking. FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES.
These three passages from the book put into words my exact thoughts:
“When others bypass, dismiss, ignore, minimize, and shame our grief it exaggerates the distance between us and them, between those suffering and those not suffering.”
“Please just sit beside me. Say nothing. Do not offer a cure. Or a pill, or a word, or a potion. Witness my suffering and do not turn away from me. Please be gentle with me.”
“Don’t tell me God has a plan for me. Don’t tell me what’s right or wrong. I’m doing it my way, in my time.”
Seriously, I get it! People lose patience with you. But the truth is that the unpleasant journey through grief takes time. And most likely we will grieve on some level for the rest of our lives.
But here’s the deal. Whether painful or pleasant, experiences should teach us something. In this case, I think compassion is the lesson. It has been for me. I find myself thinking about others more often.
Even outside of our circle, we are not alone. People all over the world are experiencing loss and grief this holiday season. Think of them. Send them love. And then realize how fortunate you are if you are not one of those people. Give yourself the gift of compassion.
This post is an attempt to do my part in helping to eliminate some plastic from the environment. And the plastic that I’m referring to is the plastic used to manufacture the bottles that contains some of those pills in our over-drugged society. I am asking you to help me to rid the planet of the dreaded pill bottle!
Now, I’m not suggesting you just stop taking your meds! I’m going to keep popping my BP pills until I get my pressure where it belongs! It’s been a challenging year, but I haven’t given up. Even with several factors like stress and menopause working against me, I believe wholeheartedly that it is possible and a goal that I WILL achieve.
What I am suggesting is that you get off your ass and go exercise. (Weight bearing is best! Even if it’s just your own body weight!) Why? Because newsflash!!!! MUSCLES ARE THE BEST MEDICINE! Much better than anything big pharma is peddling and best of all, IT’S FREE!!!!!! No insurance claims needed. No visit to CVS. Just get up from wherever you are sitting. (When you finish reading!)
Newsflash #2. EXERCISE IS NOT OPTIONAL. (AT ANY AGE, BUT EXPECIALLY AS WE AGE.) You don’t exercise just to lose weight! You exercise to lose disease and increase health span.
Newsflash #3. WE ARE ALL AGING! There ain’t s*#t, we can do about that, but die. BUT we can change the way we age. We have the power to slow down the effects of aging.
If you’ve been around for a while, you know this isn’t my first post on the importance of maintaining muscle mass. BUT I’M BACK……….
Let’s start with the bad news and get it out of the way. Here’s what happens to your muscles when you don’t use them. YOU LOSE THEM! They atrophy. Just like you, they shrivel up and eventually die. They break down and as a result, decrease in size and strength. Not only is it not a good look, lack of muscles and strength can eventually result in injury, or worse. Death!
Those muscles you aren’t using just happen to support and protect your organs. They provide support for your joints, ligaments, and tendons. They help to prevent injury by decreasing the likelihood of falling! (You’ve fallen and you could have gotten the hell up had you done some strength training!)
You don’t want to know the mortality stats after a fall! Let’s just put it this way, a whole lotta folks are gone within five years of a fall depending upon their age and health.
Maintaining muscle mass as we age has so many health benefits. So, let me start with a few of them that you might be familiar with! In addition to benefits to brain function and cognition, how about a reduction in anxiety, depression, fatigue, inflammation (the cause of most disease!) and my personal favorite, stress!!! Active muscle helps support immune function.
I recently attended an online University of Penn Medicine workshop and want to share a few things that I learned. Exercise can lower mortality by 30%. Diet 30%. Cardiovascular disease is the #1 killer of women in the US. It kills more women than all cancers combined. 80% of it is preventable by lifestyle prevention such as diet & EXCERISE.
And here are a few that might hit home with my peeps as we enter the both the holiday, flu, and for some, the blues season! (And no, not referring to the genre of music! Depression!) Oh, and let us not forget about that whole Covid thing.
Diabetes. (Step away from the pie!)
Heard of it? How about insulin sensitivity? Insulin sensitivity = your body’s response to insulin. Increased insulin sensitivity = lower blood sugar. Here’s why that’s a good thing!
Because diabetes, also known as high blood sugar, can lead to decreased immune function, blindness, ED (Erectile dysfunction) as well as cardiovascular/heart disease, and death.
But did you know you can decrease your blood sugar levels with exercise and through building muscle? Exercising increases your body’s glucose consumption. (Less of it floating around in your bloodstream is a good thing!)
Immune Function
It has been shown that building and maintaining lean muscle helps to maintain immune function. Muscle contractions move lymph throughout the body, collecting and cleaning out waste products that result from the biochemical reactions that take place in your tissues 24/7. When you’re sick, lymph collects the garbage and takes it to the curb! (Flushes it out)
Bone Health
Our muscles’ main job is to move our skeleton around. That skeleton supports the structure of our bodies. The skeleton bears the weight of our entire body. Increased muscle mass will also result in an increase in our bone density. As a result of putting weight on a bone, (Even body weight!) it will build and rebuild to support that weight. More density = more strength.
Weight training (and again, even body weight) is the ultimate load-bearing exercise as it will not only build muscle, but will increase bone density. This is especially important to my menopausal sisters! And you don’t have to run to the gym and start powerlifting. You can also build bone from activities such as walking, running, or jumping rope. Hell, just by standing!
Cell Health
Does anyone remember mitochondria from school many moons ago? Me either. (Science, biology?) It’s all a blur for me. But here’s a recap for those of us that can’t remember anything we learned in school 1000 years ago.
“Mitochondria are membrane-bound cell organelles (mitochondrion, singular) that generate most of the chemical energy needed to power the cell’s biochemical reactions. Chemical energy produced by the mitochondria is stored in a small molecule called adenosine triphosphate (ATP).”
What’s that got to do with exercise, you ask? Okay, you didn’t ask, but I’m going to tell you. Evidence exists that exercise rejuvenates mitochondrial function. “This illustrates the power of exercise to act as mitochondrial medicine in muscle.”
Mitochondria are the powerhouses of the cell. Most of the cell’s energy gets produced there. As we age, mitochondria can lose the ability to create energy or become less efficient in this process. Our cells replicate rapidly when we are young. But, as we age, certain cells lose the ability to divide. Unfortunately, they don’t just die. They hang out and wreak havoc.
“Maintaining skeletal muscle mitochondrial content and function is important for sustained health throughout the lifespan. Exercise stimulates important key stress signals that control skeletal mitochondrial biogenesis and function.”
Yeah, what he said.
Exercise Is Muscle Mitochondrial Medicine.Exercise not only positively impacts younger and healthier folks, but it can also benefit the elderly and diseased by affecting the severity of disease.
And finally, here are a few more functions of muscle that might be of interest to you.
You know that heart beating in there. Well, it just happens to be the muscular organ pumping blood through your body. This blood sends oxygen and distributing nutrients to the organs and tissues throughout your body. (Among other things.) And then there’s that whole expanding and contracting of organs also known as BREATHING that requires some muscle.
I hope after reading this you at least stand up!
And then how about us older folk do our part to eliminate some plastic? PILL BOTTLES. (And some of my younger readers can do what they can now, to eliminate the need for pill bottles in the future!)
Win. Win. We can save the planet and our lives.
I just moved and I swear to you, while I may not live in this new house forever, (especially if my retired neighbors don’t stop cutting their grass daily!) all the stuff I just moved, might! The new owners can keep this stuff or sell it! I just know one thing and that is that my ass won’t be moving it again! It’s just too much. Not only is it expensive to move all this crap, its stressful! It’s a ton of work. It takes weeks to pack it, and even longer to unpack it. My last house was about a 1/3 larger, so already there is too much stuff for a smaller home. Add to that all of the things you no longer need, like, or want, and it is indeed time for a yard sale!
There’s a large unfinished space that the previous owners used for storage, and it was FULL when I looked at the house. I thought when I saw it filled to the rafters, “who needs all this crap?” It is again FULL. A decent about of the boxes, bags and bins belong to my daughter, but way too much of it belongs to me! Once again, I must ask the question, “who needs all this crap?”
The old house had a mantle and a wall unit, a sideboard, and lots of shelves that were full of knick knacks and do-dads. This house has none of that, so there just aren’t many surfaces to display my 2080 candle holders! And how many vases does one need? I mean, opening a flower shop is not exactly on my bucket list.
So rather than look for places to store things, it’s time to edit my possessions. Just like I write paragraph after paragraph and edit my posts, I need to do the same with all this stuff. Just like writing, I need to go through it, look for redundancy, and eliminate the unnecessary.
Instead of just being surrounded by stuff, I need to surround myself with only the things I truly love or need. It’s time to eliminate whatever doesn’t inspire me or elicit happy thoughts. It’s time to curate my possessions!
I read this statement in my research from Marie Kondo. “Can you truthfully say that you treasure something buried so deeply in a closet or drawer that you have forgotten its existence? If things had feelings, they would certainly not be happy. Free them from the prison to which you have relegated them. Help them leave that deserted isle to which you have exiled them.”
Boy, if that’s true, my stuff hates me! Some of it has been in boxes in a basement for over five years, when someone else might have appreciated or enjoyed having it on display. Perhaps they would make someone else happy or to feel inspired.
Okay, so the idea of going through all of this crap does not sound appealing at all. Moving is exhausting and after a month, the house is starting to feel comfortable. (Even though I do not like ANY of my old furniture and would prefer to start with a clean slate and my neighbors own too many power tools.) No budget for that at the moment! Just the thought of tackling those boxes that have yet to be opened makes me tired!
Yup! It’s beyond time to let go of a lot of things. And, I mean, why is that so hard for so many? (Including me!)
Do we hang on to things because of memories we’ve attached to them? Does holding on to all of these so-called sentimental items keep us stuck in the past? Can we truly be present in the now, if we are surrounded by so much of past life? Of course, there are things that we keep. Maybe we pass them down to future generations because of their historical significance. Things that help us to know who we are and where we came from. But let’s be real, we also tend to hold on to things that weigh us down emotionally as well.
There are also benefits to living with less stuff. Having fewer possessions allows us more freedom. We can pack up and go anywhere without imposing on friends or hiring a crew! And quite honestly, the way things are going in this country, I need to figure out how much of this stuff I want to take with me to Tuscany!
Even when I pack for a trip, I tend to over-pack. I’m always packing for the “just in case” scenarios. Of course, it’s great to have options, but after years of traveling, I know from experience that I probably wear about half of what I pack. Rather than sitting at the airport stressing about that bag coming off the belt, I could be chilling at the beach or the pool bar if I had packed lighter! How much “just in case” crap is sitting in your home?
I have come to the realization that I have more clothes than some boutiques. Sometimes, it’s fun to go shopping in my closet and find things with the tags on that I missed because there’s too much jammed in there. Of course, that’s a double-edged sword. If you don’t know what you have, you probably have too much. How much time do you waste looking for stuff? (As if any of us has that time to waste!)
Currently, I’m about 15-20 pounds lighter than I was on June 4th and quite frankly, while I need to gain some of that weight back, (mainly muscle) I can’t say I’m mad about losing a little weight. Unfortunately, I’m in a smaller size now and most of my clothes are now too big. (Don’t do that! I’m not bragging, and I would never suggest the “grief” diet to anyone!) Now, on a positive note, my having saved things that became too tight has worked out. They fit again! But does one really need 25 pairs of jeans? Or sandals they haven’t worn in ten years? If your closet is just full of things that do not make you feel or look your best, it is time to get rid of them! And think about how much easier it will be to get dressed when you have less crap to weed through. (I said crap a lot in this post, didn’t I?)
An added bonus to the closet clean out is being able to donate to those in need. Win! Win!
I wrote a post a while back on decluttering. There have been numerous scientific studies that have demonstrated that clutter increases our level of stress. Less stuff. Less stress! We can all certainly benefit from a little less of that! Just walking into that storage room, I immediately feel a sense of being overwhelmed. I think I’m beyond the simple decluttering process. No, I’m afraid it is time for a power purge! Who’s with me? (I picked that term up in my research!)
I’m very sensitive to noise these days. I guess from all those years living in the woods and at the beach. (You think I can use lawn mowers as an excuse in an insanity plea?) But what many fail to realize is that clutter is basically just visual noise! Not only does all this excess stuff clutter your space, it also clutters your mind.
And finally, the less crap you have, the easier it is to clean! I mean, just think of all the time you spend cleaning around (because most are doing just that!) all that stuff (or money spent paying someone else to do it for you!) that you can dedicate to things you actually enjoy.
Pay now or pay later. But you pay! Less stuff = More time. More life. Your choice.
I am desperately trying to get back to my weekly posts, but for the past few days, (actually for over a week now) I have been experiencing some chest pains. I started thinking about a post that I had written a while back on broken heart syndrome. I mean, my heart is definitely broken. Could this be what’s happening to me? It actually frightened me to the point where on several occasions I popped a baby aspirin and started the breathing exercises I had learned supposedly immediately lower blood pressure. My daughter and my grandson need me, so I figure I need to get to the bottom of what’s going on.
I have finally resumed exercising on a more consistent basis and I’m trying to get back into the routine of walking. The other big thing that had recently been stressing me out was getting my taxes filed! Once they were filed, there should have been some relief. Having recently moved, I was concerned that I might be missing some documents or possibly unable to locate them to get my taxes filed accurately and on time. Of course, there was also the anxiety of what that tax bill might look like which kept me up for a few weeks. But that was behind me! So, what gives?
I started contemplating what could be causing these chest pains. It’s possible they could very well be related to either grief, stress or anxiety. I mean, I did just move, and moving is always stressful. Throw in the fact that I purchased an over-priced money pit with numerous issues, and you definitely have a recipe for stress!
Then it hit me. I thought about the fact that I had resumed my nightly habit of watching CNN and reading the headlines during dinner. I mean, the news has been depressing AF, and the consequences of this forthcoming election are quite scary. I realized that for the past few weeks I had been glued to the news and concerned about the potential hell that could ensue no matter what the outcome. I think the Paul Pelosi attack pushed it over the edge. Every time you think it cannot possibly get worse, without fail, it does! WTF? Even worse than the attack has been the response from the nut bags. Scary times indeed.
Back in early spring when I was watching CNN every evening while having dinner, I quickly concluded that it was causing a great deal of stress. I made the conscious decision to scale way back with my viewing. Quite frankly after my granddaughter’s accident I can’t say I gave a shit about anything else going on in the world. All I knew was that my world had fallen apart, so I rarely, if ever, watched the news in the months that followed. (That is, until a few weeks ago!)
Curiosity triggered thoughts and more research about emotions and why they matter. I was somewhat aware from prior research of how they can affect us physically and biologically. Rather than just having concern for my physical fitness, I knew I had better start paying attention to my emotional fitness as well.
As humans, it’s completely natural to experience a range of emotions. These include pain and pleasure, as well as the more unpleasant emotions such as anger, resentment, hate, worry, anxiety, and fear. (Hmmm. That negative emotion list is a lot longer, isn’t it?) And, while it is normal to experience negative emotions on occasion, (or even daily for brief periods of time) chronically remaining in a negative emotional state, drives stress hormones into our bodies. The increase of cortisol (a stress hormone) causes inflammation to increase, while immune function decreases. Stress can result in damage to your organs including your heart! All bad.
So, let’s examine. I have to admit, I’m stuck in the anger phase of grief. And if I’m being honest, sometimes I feel a bit of resentment when I see folks happily stroll by me with their kids. (Yes, I’m resuming my grief counseling which I didn’t have the time or resources to continue. Lucky for me, my therapist has offered her services for free!) Hate, an emotion that only hurts the person carrying it around was new to me until the period of 2016-2020. I’m working on that too. (Again, I know it only hurts the person carrying it!) Worry? Pointless, but a habit I’ve had all my life. My mother spent a great deal of time dealing with mental and physical illness, so I worried daily about her. I now worry about my daughter, my grandson, the country, and the planet!
All legit! But, what is worry? Worry is me expecting a negative outcome and a really bad habit. I need to shift focus and try expecting a positive outcome. I worried about my granddaughter every day and it didn’t change the outcome. There have been times where I’ve felt that all my worrying might have actually contributed to the outcome. Thoughts are things, after all.
But here’s the thing. The stress hormones wreak havoc on our bodies. They can down-regulate or up-regulate genes and create disease. The release of stress hormones is a direct result of our thoughts. Your thoughts can literally kill you! Stress leads to distress and can be followed by chronic and life-threatening illnesses, like heart disease, stroke and even cancer and diabetes.
On the flip side, it is also my belief and I’m sure scientific studies also exist that show that our thoughts can also heal us. How we think creates our state of mind. Our state of mind directly relates to the state of our bodies. Laughter and a sense of connection, as well as the emotions of joy, love, and especially gratitude can have the opposite result. They heal.
There are scientific studies that show a decrease in inflammatory markers and benefits to our immune system, as well as anti-aging benefits, as a result of the feelings of gratitude. Despite my loss, I, like everyone else, have things they should be grateful for. I have a wonderful daughter and grandson, family, friends, a great boss, a job, a roof, (although it leaked the first night in the house!) and teeth!
So, I’m turning off the TV and hoping for a positive outcome. The only thing that is within my power to do, is VOTE! Nothing on the news is going to change the way I vote. I’ve listened to both sides and the bottom line is I’m sticking with the sane!
I encourage you all to do the same.
Photo Credits:
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash
Photo by Gayatri Malhotra on Unsplash
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
I cannot believe that I’m almost old enough to collect social security. How is that even possible when I was just 43 yesterday? I meant 37. I was recently reminded by that statement you receive regularly throughout your entire adult life that you mostly ignored. (Well, I did.) The statement that told you how much could collect when you retired which always seemed lightyears away. Considering I never planned on retiring, I really gave it zero thought. I never intended to be in a financial position to need it!
Yet, there I sat calculating what brand of dog food I could afford based on estimated payment. And, by the way, I read the fine print. (You should too!) What is said is that the current estimates are subject to change in 2034, (11+ short years from now!) at which time, based on current law, you could receive as little as $780 of every $1000 estimated today. Basically, by the time I’m able to collect, my current estimate would only be good for about 4 years! After that, there could be a significant reduction in my payments, at which time I might have to consider changing my dog food brand. Hell, I better figure out how to get back to Plan A! (You know the one where I’m not in a financial position to need it!)
But the social security I am writing about today is a totally different kind of social security. In this post, the social I’m writing about is by definition “the seeking or enjoying the companionship of others.” In other words, friendship.
So, I started thinking about friendship, and “my” friends in particular. In my attempt to get back to living, I started realizing all the folks in my life that have been noticeably silent for the past few months. (Pretty much since the funeral on June 11th.) Immediately following the accident, some of them dropped by my daughter’s house to offer a hug and their condolences. SOME. Others were noticeably absent.
Some reached out by phone, but I had no desire to have the same conversation in heavy rotation. To hear over and over, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Or “I cannot imagine what you must be going through.” And they would be correct. It is (NOT WAS) impossible to imagine. If you have never experienced the loss of a child, and in such a violent and senseless manner no less, you will NEVER BE ABLE TO IMAGINE THE PAIN. And why would you want to even try? I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Not even certain ex-presidents.
I let folks know via text after they would call that I really wasn’t ready to talk. Those that were there with me from day one (and pretty much daily) to witness the pain would be the only people I would talk to. They were there with me, so there was no need to ask how I was. They could see it with their own eyes. NOT GOOD. And they didn’t need an invitation. They just showed up. My one friend drove over an hour a day, almost EVERY DAY, for weeks to be by my side. Even when there wasn’t a conversation, there were hugs. She was present.
A few would drop text messages, asking me how I was. (Which to me was a dumbass question.) Some would make stupid comments via text like, “I hope you are feeling better.” Clueless to the level of pain and assuming that it magically diminishes after a few weeks. My oldest friend said it best. “You never get over the loss. You never get over the pain. You just learn to live with it.” (Hopefully, it becomes less intense. I have to believe that.)
So, my thoughts were that these folks waiting for me to “get over” it so they could resurface, believing that things will eventually go back to normal, would be waiting forever. This IS the new normal.
Over the past few weeks, I took note of those people and was feeling some kinda way about them. I had reached the point where I was all but ready to write them off. I felt abandoned by them. I felt as though they didn’t want to deal with me and my grief, so they were waiting it out. That didn’t feel like friendship to me. If I could live without them for four months, I could probably live without them for the duration. But that’s not true. Friendship, as we age, plays a critical role in our well-being. Friendship provides a sense of security and improves our quality of life.
I decided that perhaps before I write them off completely, I should let them know how I was feeling about their total absence. I needed to enlighten them. In the process, I too was enlightened.
I was told they were giving me space. They interpreted my not wanting to talk as not wanting to hear from them. They “thought” they were honoring my wishes. They didn’t know what to say. They didn’t know what to do. If the situation were reversed, would I have known? Probably not. I don’t do funerals (or weddings, really) and everyone that knows me, knows that. Does that make it okay? And yet no one ever wrote me off for not showing up.
So, I listened, and I learned. As we get older, loss will likely become a common occurrence. Loss is part of our human experience. Grieving leads to isolation and loneliness. Both can be physically and emotionally unhealthy. The worst thing you can do is just leave a grieving person alone. (And that doesn’t mean to beat down their door or stalk them.) Just OFFER to be there. Ask.
It is possible that we will outlive family and friends. One of the only guarantees in life is that we will all die. We will all lose loved ones. (Hopefully, not at 21!)
But how do you comfort someone that is grieving a loss? Grief can make others uncomfortable. I get it. So, what do you do? What do you say? You have anxiety that you will say the wrong thing. You fear that what you say might appear insensitive. So instead, you are silent. WRONG.
Here is my advice to you.
It has been said when you do not know what to say, say nothing. But that is wrong. When you do not know what to say, say, “I love you.” It will NEVER be the wrong thing to say.
I was trying to decide what my first blog post, post-tragedy, (post talking about tragedy) should be about. I didn’t want to write about what’s been on my mind, because I’m guessing I’ve depressed ya’ll enough. I’m struggling, but I’m trying. My Noodle was no quitter. Nor am I. (But there have been days. Trust and believe)
I had to remind myself that before I was “Mom Mom,” I had dreams. I had a purpose. And I knew that purpose was to help others in some way. That has since evolved a bit into the desire to edu-tain. But carrying on “as if” is no easy task. I am sure it will take a minute, or possibly forever, to get back into a routine. But I present to you my first attempt.
As it turns out, I need not look any further than the table in front of me for a topic. Arm’s reach. (Yup Wine.) And yes, I’ve been self-medicating a bit. (But this week I decided to start spending more time exercising and writing, than sipping. Even though I’m writing about sipping. Baby steps!) This post combines my love of wine with my aversion to greed and the greedy!
The problem with wine, other than the fact that I drink too much of it lately, is that like everything else, some of it is just bad. And I don’t mean it tastes bad. We all have our personal preferences. What I mean is that some wines are basically the equivalent of junk food! They are mass produced and full of chemical additives.
Think that you’re drinking fine wine from some small quaint Napa winery? Think again. Huge wine conglomerates have gobbled up all the mom-and-pop wineries. Think Amazon, only wine! Yet another example of how consolidation hurts us all. The problem is that they can make their money on volume and sacrifice quality to do so. And like Amazon, they can out-price the little guys or just buy them! And, to make matters worse, there’s no indication on the label your favorite vineyard has been snatched up by an Amazon-like conglomerate.
I recall a knowledgeable woman at the wine store in PA introducing me to the Velvet Devil Merlot years back. It was a nice merlot from Washington State. A few months later, she let me know that if it didn’t taste the same as it had in the past, it was because the vineyard was purchased by a mass producer. She guided me to another aisle and introduced me to a different wine. Robert Hall. Yum.
So, here’s what I have learned are some of the issues and some of the things that make many wines, junk wine.
Love that oaky taste? I do. It used to come from being aged in oak barrels. Now it comes from infusing the wine with oak chips. Much cheaper than those expensive oak barrels and who has time to age the wine when there’s money to be made? I mean who needs an oak barrel when you can ferment in a huge steel vat? Sounds appealing. NOT.
Oh, but it gets worse. They throw in chemicals in an attempt to improve the color or the acidity of the wine. There are a bunch of government approved additives they can throw in the vat to create a synthetic version of your so-called fine wine!
Bianca Bosker, a journalist turned sommelier, who visited wine facilities across the country, discovered the issue with modern winemakers is that they don’t disclose all the ingredients, because they don’t have to. She wrote, “I find it outrageous that most people don’t realize that their fancy Cabernet Sauvignon has actually been treated with all kinds of chemicals.”
Wines used to be naturally fermented and that process dates back to early human civilization. This process has been replaced with the addition of chemicals to expedite the process, compromising not only the taste, but our health!
These large-scale producers utilize mechanical pickers for high-volume production. The problem with these machines is that they are machines! For mass producers, the benefit here is that these machines can work around the clock and there’s no over-time pay! What they can’t do is tell the difference between a ripe or unripe grape. They are also unable to separate the crap that shouldn’t go in the vat like leaves, dirt, or insects! They can’t weed out the damaged grapes. If the skin is pierced, oxygen will immediately have a negative effect on the grape before it lands in that vat.
Producers of premium wines believe wine shouldn’t be disturbed and allow gravity to separate the wine from the unwanted particles. The gravity process takes time and mass-producers don’t have time for all of that! Instead, they add chemicals called fining agents to bind with the unwanted particles. They then filter and bottle it.
Because not all grapes were ready to be picked (And how could the mechanical pickers that replaced humans know that!) they add tartaric acid. This process is called “acidification.” Sounds scary, right?
Typically, wines in the US, New Zealand and Australia, grapes used in premium wines are grown on hills or in the foothills where nights are cool, and days are warm. The warm days help to develop the sugar in the grapes, while the cool nights help the grapes retain acidity. This creates the balanced taste. A good wine has the right combination of both.
On a positive note, I’ve definitely consumed my fair share of antioxidants. (Moderation is key! Sometimes too much of a good thing, ain’t so good!) Tannins are antioxidants found in the skins and stems of grapes. It has been said that consuming red wines with a high level of tannins could actually reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, but you will also find information to contradict this if you search. Again, I believe moderation is always best!
In any event, these tannins are what give red wines their flavor. Premium winemakers will often conduct a post-fermentation maceration. Maceration is an extraction procedure where the wine is left in contact with the skins etc., after the fermentation has finished which optimizes the color, flavor, and the tannin structure. This process also helps to soften the astringent tannins creating a smoother and more complex wine.
Unfortunately, this process because it takes time, doesn’t square with the high-volume mass production schedule! Therefore, the smaller scale reds typically have a higher level of antioxidants. As a result, these mass-produced wines are not only cheating us out of flavor, feeding us God knows how many chemicals, they are also cheating us out of health-promoting antioxidants!
I know you must have heard the term “aging like fine wine.” So, here’s what that means.
The bottom line is that premium wines are more time consuming to produce. They cost more in time and money. And we’ve all heard the phrase “time is money!” Mass-producers choose quantity over quality. (Now that’s a surprise. NOT!)
The higher levels of tannins allow the wine to develop more complex character. Premium reds and whites, grown on hillsides and mountains benefit from higher levels of acidity allowing them to age as long as 10 years for white, and 20-30 for a good red!
Fine wine is designed to improve with age; to become more complex and enjoyable. It evolves over time. And hopefully, like you and I, it gets better with age!
So, think before you drink!
