Okay, so everyone that personally knows me is quite aware that I’m a huge Earth, Wind & Fire fan. But no, I’m not talking about their hit song “Reasons.” Although some of the lyrics do apply. Well not the “I’m craving your body” part! But for sure, the “I don’t want to feel, and I’m in the wrong place to be real” part! Not a day goes by where I don’t wake up for the past 6-7 months, not wanting this to be real!
I don’t think it’s a secret that for the same length of time, I have been seriously questioning a lot of things. I’m sure I’m not alone. Even my religious friends have shared with me that they’ve actually questioned their own beliefs following the June 4th accident that took my granddaughter’s life. And no, this is not yet another post about the accident. This is about healing. This is about the reasons that you’re here.
The pain of the tragic loss of my granddaughter has at times felt unbearable. To lose someone that you have dedicated so much of what you do in life to, has felt earth shattering. One of the very important people; one that kept me going on bad days, and got me out of bed, is no longer physically with us.
She was such a factor in all that I do. The real estate investments were not just rental income for my future days, but something I wanted to leave behind to give her a head start in the world. I knew she would take care of her mom and her brother. She had already started to take interest in investments, credit, and finances which is rare for someone her age! She had just received her first credit card and opened a bank account. (Where she wisely, saved her money and spent everyone else’s! My girl! LOL Very much into the OPM situation.)
I have friends that have inherited, or will inherit from their parents, and as a result, are a little less concerned about their retirement than I am. I was parentless is 17. Social security was all there was, and that was short-lived. I have had to work hard for everything I’ve been able to secure. (There were times when I had not one, not two, but three jobs, AND a side hustle!) There wasn’t even an insurance policy that I’m aware of when I lost my mom. If there was, I didn’t see a dime of it. So, my goal has always been to make sure that my kids had a little more security than I did.
So, everything I have done in the past 21 years has not only been for me, but for my daughter and her kids. When the accident happened, I lost a huge part of what I had devoted the last 21 years of my life to. They were all the motivation I needed. Instead, for the past 7 months, the eagerness to get up and get rolling some days is all but gone. The loss can make days feel meaningless. When someone we love dies, the part of us that was connected to them, dies with them.
The pain tears you up inside. You have days where you think you can’t go on. I imagine that many contemplate suicide. My grief counselor shared with me that she had suicidal thoughts after losing her son, but never acted on them. Instead, she has dedicated her life to helping others to manage their pain and grief. She redefined her reason for living. Many people like her, do just that. They overcome life’s challenges by helping others facing similar challenges.
And that is exactly what me and mine must now do. We have a choice. We can just give up, or we can redefine our reason for living. And I have already reminded my daughter, we are being watched over. Giving up is NOT an option. Our girl wouldn’t have quit. And she would be very disappointed in us if we did! We still love and NEED EACH OTHER. That alone is a pretty good reason to keep going.
At some point we all must face struggles in our lives. These challenges shape who we become. I also think we all, at one time or another, question our purpose here on earth. Typically, this occurs during a major transition or loss. (Like right now!)
BUT we all possess the power to rebuild our lives and to become the best version of ourselves. It ain’t easy, but it is certainly necessary. We must learn to assign new meaning to our lives. What we cannot do is underestimate our value in the world. We MUST believe there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if right now, we can’t seem to see it. We must believe that we have a reason for being here. We all have a purpose. Some just never take the time to discover what their purpose is. Sometimes, it takes a tragedy to get us to stop and reexamine things. It also teaches us the value of time and that there is none to waste. Figure out what sets your soul on fire. Do more of that!
We all have skills, talents, and experiences to share. True purpose is about recognizing your value and recognizing your gifts. And when I say gifts, I’m not necessarily talking about artistic talents, or musical abilities. Quiet as it’s kept, we CAN’T all sing.
You may discover that your purpose can be as simple as bringing more joy to others. It can be helping others in a myriad of ways. There is always someone’s day you can brighten! Maybe that’s all the purpose you need. Having a sense of personal purpose is what sustains us. It’s uniquely ours.
For me, what currently keeps me going is of course, my daughter and my grandson. My writing is another. I tell myself each time I sit down to write, which could very well be my purpose, there is always someone that needs to hear what I have to say. That took a while to realize and accept. I still struggle with it. But I believe there is always someone that may appreciate my unique perspective. There are always folks out there that need a good laugh. (Even if it is at themselves.) I have an opportunity each day to make someone smile, whether through my words or actions.
Find your reason for being. Figure out your gifts and share them. Someone needs you. And it may just be someone you’ve never met.
Top Photo by Amer Mughawish
Bottom Photo by Nathan Lemon