A little over a year ago, I was having some alone time and working on my blog when this woman sits in the chair next to me with what I eventually had to admit was the cutest dog ever. (Which for me, anyone who knows me would say, “Kay didn’t call a dog cute!”)
Initially, I thought to myself, “All these chairs and you sit right next to me with that dog!” I never really looked at the dog, I just knew I sat there every morning praying no one else would join me so that I could get some much needed peace and do some writing. I admit, I am not much of a pet person. Sorry. We exchanged greetings and I went on about my writing. Moments later, there she was inches from my chair about to join me on my lounge chair! I mean she was going to jump right on me! Not the woman. The dog!
I politely let the woman know that I wasn’t a dog person. (A cat person or any other kind of four-legged person. Hell, fish are too much work.) She apologized and called the dog to come back to her, but the dog just stood there wagging its tail at me.
I accidentally looked at the dog and the damn dog was smiling at me like I was a bone, but not in a scary way. Like in a human way. I couldn’t help but smile. I realized no one had smiled at me in the morning for many years.
We became fast friends. She and I! Not the dog. Although we became friends too. I found myself looking forward to that doggy smile and that tail wagging. Finally, I felt like someone was happy to see me other than my kids!
One morning she asked me what I was writing and I told her I was writing about aging as a woman. I was going to start a blog and talk about all the things that bothered me about aging and hopefully offer up some good info and a few laughs.
From that morning on, we regularly talked about aging. Well, I did most of the talking and she did a lot of laughing at me. But I discovered that she was a psychologist and a bit older than I was, so she had already been where I was heading.
Barb is also a cancer survivor. Something I had lost my mother too and feared all my life. Little did she know, she would be an inspiration to me as well! As she shared some of her experiences with me we became very good friends. One morning, she commented on how I had inspired her to write. I suggested that she write about being a cancer survivor as she had previously expressed an interest in helping women and starting a support group. I suggested, she too should blog.
Well, I am hopeful that I will continue to inspire her and that she will continue to be my friend. In an effort to kick her in to action and get her writing, I asked her to write a guest post for my site. It was also going to help me since I was in the middle of preparing for a big move, a new position at work and overwhelmed with little time to write. She agreed.
What follows was written by my new good friend Barb. I say new because most of my other friends I have had for 35-45 years. I am hopeful that writing this post will inspire her to start her own blog as I know that through her wisdom, experience and profession, she has much to offer not only cancer survivors, but to all women. If not for the Covid lockdown she may not have had the time between dancing with Debbie Allen and her improv performances! So, here’s a little something from “Broadway Barb!”
Enjoy!
Ahhhhhh Aging!
Barb Fotsch, LCSW a/k/a Dog Mom to Cali
This aging thing is no picnic. Corresponding emotions may run high but when we line it up next to HIV, racism, cancer…..it simply doesn’t burn with the same intensity. So, what are we whining about?
Granted, there is a sense of loss as we glance back at more energetic, reckless, passionate times. But life isn’t over. Remember that. For one thing, aging doesn’t mean we are rusting out like an old car. Let’s put our complacency under surveillance and examine the labels we give ourselves.
It’s useful to have a method for increasing a positive way of thinking when it doesn’t come easily. I certainly recommend it. Many of us get “frozen in place” and gain momentum only when we increase intentionality for “living life to its fullest” NOW. Here are some guidelines to think about – “confidence tactics” is a term I read somewhere….we can all benefit.
- Forget how others may view you……for example…too old, nah….in most circumstances
- Speak with hope deliberately – even if only for 24 hours, avoid negative talk
- Press on
- Surround yourself with positive people
- Love how you spend your time – if you don’t, mobilize
Most of us have seen some kind of “wheel of life” activity. The question is…. have you ever actually completed one? Go on, give it a try. These are a few of the topics that affect our quality of life, regardless of age. Take a few minutes to list what comes to mind in each of these areas. Where are you doing well? Where do you need to focus attention? For example, think about your physical environment? Do you love where you live, do you want a warmer climate or to move out of the city? Friends and family – do you have enough friends? If not, where can you meet more people you enjoy, new people? Obviously, all of this requires effort, but it will be worth it. And so on, but we need a roadmap for where we want to go. Yes, even though we’re “aging”.
In the counseling field, we often use the term “reframing.” Since getting older I have increased my reframing activity to help freshen my perspectives. It helps me look on the brighter side of things.
Although we have control over most things in our life, it is easy to be pulled down. We must continue to ask ourselves, “what is next for me?” Why not use those character traits that served us well when we were younger; if re-enforcements are needed (a push off the couch) will we accept an outreached hand? Ask yourself:
- What are the biggest barriers holding me back?
- What 2 steps could I take today to get the ball rolling?
- Whose help can I enlist that will encourage and support moving forward?
And lastly, I am generally optimistic about these years over “50, 60, 70.”. So much of it is impacted by our attitude. I hope you are. We are only on this earth once (I think) so let’s make the most of it😊
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” George Bernard Shaw