Eureka! I found the solution to hide my sagging face for when they no longer mandate masks. I should just let my beard grow in! Beards are in right now. I mean not for women. But I could be a trendsetter! Beats the hell of sleeping in the “face fixer,” (In a used car WWE announce voice.) which I’m convinced cuts off the circulation to your brain. I’m kidding. Fortunately, there is no beard. YET. But there is a face fixer and unlike most, I’m really not mad about wearing the mask.
Yes, The Face Fixer is one of the millions of anti-aging products in the marketplace. No one wants to get old. Certainly, no one wants the alternative. But the truth is, that no one wants to feel or LOOK old. They might do a better job accepting it than I have to date, but no one is sitting around looking forward to that s*#t!
I find myself studying my face daily in the mirror as if there’s a damn test coming up. Looking for inevitable changes. Pulling things back into place. Playing pretend procedure. Looking for eyelids under meat hoods. Looking at little chin dimples wondering if I eat some cookies and gain some face fat back, will they go away? Or should I just grow the beard? Hell, the mustache is there.
I missed some of this after almost two years of hiding this area under a mask all day. Now I want to wear the mask to protect myself from seeing myself.
I found myself on Amazon searching for products. What I found were a bunch of so-called magic potions and products making ridiculous claims of restoring my face to its youthful glory days. I think I just need a chisel! That could work! But let’s see. They have forehead tape to smooth out my “Hell no, I don’t need glasses,” squint creases. They offer combo packs so you can tape up your eyes, chin, and forehead!
I had to try the Korean-made hyaluronic acid mask claiming to smooth skin and reduce the fine lines I can’t even see without my glasses. I performed the recommended patch test on my jawline. (Since I mostly hide that under the mask!) That one-inch spot is now as soft as a newborn behind, but I was scared as hell to do my whole face. What if the reviews are fake?
I thought to myself, “Maybe I should try it on my ass first! Not like anyone is looking at that! I know I’m sure as hell not! When a man would (or woman, depending on what you are into) would ask you “whose ass is this?” you might have thought it was sexy. When you stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself that same question, it ain’t all that sexy? I apparently need to squat in my sleep! Why is it that when you lose weight it goes from all the wrong places? Just plain cruel. Gut still there. Boobs and butt gone. And even worse is losing facial fat. How often do you run across a plump wrinkled face?
And another thing. Who thought Zoom was a good idea? Why can’t we have a good old-fashioned conference call without seeing one another? I know what these folks look like. Even the folks I think of as attractive manage to look crazy on zoom.
I recall the first time I actually used my camera on zoom. It only took being horrified by how my face looked on zoom one time to learn to leave the camera off! And apparently, I’m not the only person bothered by their appearance on zoom calls.
I mean, let’s be real. The anti-aging market was already huge. It’s expected to be at about a half-billion by 2030. (At least that’s one statistic I saw.) Thanks to zoom calls, according to dermatologist Dendy Engelman, patients are distraught based on what they see on their screens. With a selfie, people control the images we see of them. You don’t have much control on zoom.
Speaking of selfies, I watched a young lady at a table in a restaurant tilt her head in more directions than I realized a head could tilt, snapping nonstop selfies. Trying to get just the right shot. Why? I’ve got news for you sis. When someone actually sees you, they are going to see your face from every angle. She was probably in her early thirties and already obsessed with how she will look on a screen someplace. Well, ‘there’s that whole, “don’t post selfies for folks to criticize angle you can always work!” If you need to take 50 photos to get one you like, you’re in worse shape than I am!
I was just away attending a conference in Mexico, and everywhere you looked, folks were posing. It was like being at a reoccurring photoshoot! I mean chicks rolling around in sand, not for the fun of it, but for a photo. Because as an adult, rolling around in sand, just ain’t fun! Who does that? Apparently, a lot of folks.
I observed folks letting their food get cold, so they could take selfies with their food. When did we all become so obsessed with taking photos of ourselves? Not to get off topic, but it actually made me sad to sit by this beautiful blue water and sky and look in both directions to see folks, not enjoying where they were, but staring at phones looking at where everyone else was. I sat there thinking, most of the folks you are looking at online WISH THEY WERE HERE! And yet you do not appreciate where you are! We are just obsessed with phones and worrying about what everyone else is doing. I just don’t get it. I guess I never will. But I digress…
I have to admit that when I watched this chick in the water jumping over waves recording herself for a good twenty minutes, I was kind of waiting for the scream when she dropped it in the ocean and the waves carried it away. I know, that’s mean, but I’m sorry, it would have been a little funny. Who am I kidding? That shit would have been hilarious. Oh, come on, it’s a phone! Besides, I had to do something to take my mind of the knee curtains I was staring at as I lay there in my cut-off shorts NOT TAKING PHOTOS.
Even when I thought I was more attractive and I was younger, I was never one who enjoyed having my picture taken. Posing for photos has never been something I enjoyed. Trying to hold that fake smile while someone fumbled with their camera! As a matter of fact, most, if not all of the photos I have of myself were taken by others and sent to me.
Anyway, Dr. Engelman was stating in this article that as a result of zoom, chin and jaw filler had become extremely popular in his clinic. We are apparently obsessed with the bottom half of our faces. I have to admit, that is the part of my face that bothers me the most. The oval-shaped chin has now started to square off with actual corners! (I have a whole post on this coming up! Why? Because for me, it’s at the top of the list of things bothering me and I think it’s safe to assume, I’m not alone. Apparently, this happens to some degree to ALL OF US.)
Okay, so I wouldn’t exactly call it Gerascophobia, which is the fear of getting older. (Apparently on the rise!) I’m not really afraid to get old. I’m just having an issue with the idea of “looking” old. Okay, I’m a tad concerned about getting old in general and time running out. And while I would love to blame the beauty industry on my obsession with my aging face and body, (which constantly sends out messages to women that aging is something we need to battle) I cannot. I don’t pay much attention to that. I’ve always known that they put makeup on 12-year-olds and paste them on magazine covers geared toward grown-ass women suggesting we should look like that. Most of us didn’t look like that when we were 12, much less 30, 40, or 50!
I cannot blame these negative feelings on the publishers. I don’t buy or read fashion or beauty magazines. The only magazines I ever read that weren’t a food magazine, were Essence and More Magazine. (A short-lived publication geared toward women over 40!)
I’m aware that this is some internal, psychological shit! Yup. Here we are back on the subject of thoughts. The thoughts I’m thinking about aging are creating the feelings I have about aging. Aging isn’t a handicap. It is a privilege. I still have work to do.
On a more positive note, while I was away, I managed to finish the first draft of my new show! It’s going to be a multi-media show and I’m super excited now. To close the show, I wanted to write about embracing aging. And then I realized that it would be difficult to write about something I’ve yet to do. I wanted to end the show on a positive note. But, I also wanted it to be about real experiences, and with regard to embracing my age, I’m simply not there yet.
I decided to ask a friend of mine to collaborate on that one piece for the show. She, a little older than me and seems to be well adjusted, and way more comfortable in her skin than I am. I must say that I love what she wrote. I should probably read it repeatedly until it sinks into my square head!
In the meantime, unlike most folks, I am not mad about wearing a mask! I can hide my aging face and cough without covering my mouth or germing up my hands! And speaking of coughing, I would like to remind everyone there is still such a thing as a common cold! (But I totally get the fear!) But back to masks….Hands-free coughs. Saving on lipstick! What’s not to love?