Anyone ever see or remember the movie “Dazed and confused?”
It was this coming-of-age film, “capturing the aimless, hazy last day of school in 1976 for a group of Texas teens focusing on the transition from childhood to adulthood, exploring themes of freedom, boredom, friendship, and identity through interconnected vignettes of cruising, partying, and rebellion.” Dazed and Confused is a “slice of American youth cinema” that captures the universal, messy, and memorable moments of growing up. “A whole lot of hanging out, boredom, big talk, small plans, and the general feeling of being free… and completely directionless at the same time.” That’s what AI said in google, anyway.
My blog, along with health and overall wellness information, (I HOPE!) explores “the universal, messy, and memorable moments of growing older!
Okay, before I go any further, this is the part where I’m gonna brag a lil’ bit.
One of my first few jobs in LA was with a company called Neo Art & Logic. It was a great experience, and I worked with some really cool people. Casting director Don Phillips was one of them. He had an office there. We met when I noticed him getting out of a car with Jersey plates. (My home state.) Turns out he grew up very close to where I did. Small world, right?
Don was responsible for casting the film Dazed and Confused, Animal House, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dog Day Afternoon and many more. As I recall, he was doing some casting work for Neo. He also happened to be the man who helped launch the careers of Matthew McConaughey, Sean Penn, Mary Steenburgen and a host of other actors.
So yeah, I’ve been greatness adjacent. (That’s how they sell you on neighborhoods in LA!) And speaking of greatness adjacent, I had my interview for the job at Neo at Panevino; a great Italian restaurant which became my Friday night hang for years. I spent many a Friday night at the bar wedged between legends Billy Dee Williams and Clarence Williams III; both sharing their backstories with me, from rooftop living and working at West Union sending telegraphs, to working in brothels, and attending gangster funerals in NYC where Grandma played piano. It has been fourteen years, and I still miss that spot on Friday nights. Those were fun times. Those were inspiring times. I worked with creatives and hung out with creatives.
Anyway. Back to the movie premise and the general feeling of being (partially free…ya’ll remember I’m punching that clock again, so not totally free!)… and completely directionless at the same time.
Believe it or not, that’s what being over 60 and semi-retired can feel like. You’re done with one major chapter of life, but the next one hasn’t handed you a syllabus yet. You have dreams, interests, ideas, but no bell ringing to tell you where to go next.
So, you start to feel a little stuck.
Not because you’re lazy.
Not because you lack talent or experience.
But because there are too many doors and no clear sign that says Start Here.
You wake up thinking,” I still have so much I want to do.”
You sit down to rest. (Which you have EARNED after many years of working followed by 6-8 hours today!) and five minutes later your brain taps you on the shoulder and says, shouldn’t you be doing something productive right now? Then it’s Sunday, and the voice says, shouldn’t you be doing something productive instead of enjoying a quiet afternoon or an unstructured day?”
Guilt shows up like an uninvited hall monitor.
Being over 60 and semi-retired is a very specific kind of confusion. I’m going to go with AGED AND CONFUSED? (No. Not the serious kind of confused that can accompany aging!)
You’re not tired-tired… but you’re not “let’s grind for 12 hours” either.
You have dreams, goals, interests and absolutely no idea which one you’re supposed to start first, next, or ever.
Motivation shows up like a flaky friend. Some days it’s loud, confident, and making lists.
Other days it ghosts you completely and leaves you on the couch at the end of the day wondering what the hell happened.
Rest is supposed to feel good. Instead, it feels like you’re skipping school. (And I wasn’t one of those kids. I was one of the kids who liked school. Maybe not every class, but learning.)
Meanwhile, fear is working quietly in the background.
Not screaming, but whispering helpful bullshit like:
What if you pick the wrong thing? (I probably have too many things.)
What if you start and lose interest?
What if you succeed and now you have to keep going?
What if? What if? What if? So, you do nothing. Which somehow feels even more exhausting.
Here’s what I’m learning (slowly… very slowly):
You don’t need a master plan.
You don’t need a vision board or five-year strategy, or a TED Talk.
You need one small move. You just need one small, imperfect move. (And that is where I seem to get stuck every single time!)
Rest, without guilt. Rest is maintenance. Rest is not quitting. It’s refueling.
- Then, when motivation wanders back in, catch it before it leaves again.
- Write a paragraph or page.
- Make a note.
- Send the email.
- Outline the idea.
- Make the call.
Do the tiniest version of the thing you keep thinking about.
Fear of the unknown doesn’t leave when you “figure it out.” It leaves when you get tired as hell of standing still. I never seem to stop moving, but always end up in the same place. I’m busy as hell…ALL THE TIME. But in terms of my goals and dreams, often find myself standing still. In the exact same place. Stuck! So, I say this to myself and I’m saying it to ya’ll:
Make a move.
A small one.
A slightly messy one.
So long as it is in the right direction and not around in circles!
Because at this age, progress looks less like grinding and more like gently nudging yourself forward…GENTLY. Momentum doesn’t come from thinking.
It comes from motion. And you’ve heard me say it before, Movement of Lose it!