My Black is NOT Cracking.

I'm not Aging. I'm appreciating in value!

How the fear of aging is stealing your joy!

KAVON

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October 6, 2025

The word 'FEAR' written in white letters on jagged pieces of paper, placed on a dark gray background.

For many, the fear of aging is not just about growing older. It’s about what we believe we have lost or will lose. Strength. Beauty. Relevance. Dreams. This fear whispers in our ears that life has already happened and we are too late. I wake up many a morning and think, you wasted so much time. You blew it sister! Who cares what you have to say?

But fear lies.

We all know it’s coming. Aging is inevitable. Time only moves in one direction and it ain’t backwards! (As much as some of us might wish, while many have to no desire to return to the past!) I’m guessing that many of us wish we could stop the clock. (And keep living!)

So many of us live with a quiet dread, not only of what lies ahead but what we are already experiencing, like the gray hair, the shifting body, the unrecognizable face in the mirror staring back at us. We fear aging, but perhaps what we fear most is what it represents like the passage of time, the loss of our youth, the inevitability of endings.

But truth is, the fear of aging steals far more from us than age itself ever could.

Fear as a Silent Companion

Fear whispers that our best years are behind us. It convinces us that the dreams we once held are now out of reach. It tells us we are too old to change careers, too late to fall in love, too worn out to begin something new. Slowly, without us noticing, fear becomes a constant companion and a heavy load that we carry limiting us more than any wrinkle, back ache or stiff joint ever could.

Sadly, this fear doesn’t just live in the mind; it seeps into the soul. It makes us shrink from life instead of leaning into it. It pulls us into comparison with younger versions of ourselves or with others who seem untouched by time. Yeah, I’m that girl staring at women who seem to be defying age wondering if I can get a stem cell or two! But living in fear blinds us to the richness of the present moment. And here we are again. That constant theme I see myself repeating these days of being present which is clearly an issue for me and I’m guessing I’m not alone.

The Gift That Fear Hides

Aging is not the enemy. Each year gifts us something that youth cannot such as perspective, resilience, and a deeper sense of what truly matters. Aging is proof of living. Each line on our face holds a memory of tears shed and storms weathered. Those lines represent proof that we have lived, love and endured. Those laugh lines represent laughter shared.

While that hair might stop growing, wisdom continues to grow.

The gift that fear of aging hides from us is that aging can bring us freedom. Freedom from the need to prove ourselves. Freedom to say no to what drains us, and yes to what nourishes us. Freedom to live more authentically and to prioritize meaning over appearances. Freedom to choose joy without apology.

Choosing to Live Fully

When we stop fearing aging, we begin to live more fully. We start to see possibilities instead of limitations. We realize that it’s never too late to create, to connect, to explore, to love. Some of the greatest works of art, acts of courage, and discoveries of self, have been born in the later chapters of life.

The question is not how to stop aging, but how to stop letting the fear of aging rob us of our joy today and our desire to keep living and in some cases START LIVING!

What if we allowed aging to be less about loss and more about growth? Every year offers us the chance to reimagine ourselves, to release the things that no longer serve us, and to lean into the wisdom that only comes with time.

Aging is inevitable. Fear is optional. When we embrace each passing year as a mark of survival, strength, and story, we loosen fear’s grip. And in that freedom, we discover something beautiful: that life is not about clinging to youth, but about enjoying every season we’re given. We are still here. It means we have more chapters to write, more gifts to share, more love to give, more laughter to share.

We do not stop living because we grow older. We grow older because we keep on living. The real tragedy is not in growing old, it’s in being so afraid of it that we forget to live.

P.S. It ain’t over until it’s over!

Anna Mary Robertson Moses (Grandma Moses) started painting at 75 and became a very famous American painter.

Alfred Hitchcock made Dial M for Murder, Rear Window, To Catch a Thief, The Trouble with Harry, Vertigo, North by Northwest, and Psycho between the ages of 54 and 61.

Artist Cezanne created work in his mid-60s that was valued fifteen times higher than those he created as a young man.

Carmen Herrera aged 89, sold her first artwork in 2004.

Norman Maclean at 74, published his first and only novel and best-selling book,  A River Runs Through It.

Frank McCourt published his first book Angela’s Ashes for which he won the Pulitzer at 66.

Sculptor, Louise Bourgeois, reached her greatest artistic success in her 70s and 80s. She died at 98 after finishing a sculpture the week before she died.

Amadeo Giannini Founded Bank of America at 61.

Jaswant Kular began selling her spice blends at age 60 before launching her company, Jaswant’s Kitchen. 

Kay Vaughn publishes her first best selling novella at 64. Also launches her podcast “What Now” in the same year. Creates her first produced series at 65. And is the oldest playwright to make it to broadway with her hit show “Hormones & Happy Hour! (Yup! Still dreaming. Still living.)

PLEASE READ THIS ON MY BLOG AND SHARE!

The Power of Solitude vs. The Weight of Isolation

KAVON

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October 1, 2025

A girl in a red dress standing on a pink background, with a shadow resembling a bird's wings on the ground.

The Power of Solitude vs. The Weight of Isolation

For the past 15 years, maybe longer, my routine has been to spend the first hour of my day alone. I get up and get out. Like the post office, rain, sleet, hail, or snow, I’m up and out. Ideally, I find a quiet place to think, read, write, and hopefully create. Since I began writing in 2006, I’ll usually put something on paper if inspired, or I am taking the time to study the craft.

When I lived in a beach community, I often found myself by the water. In downtown LA, it was the coffee shop or the library which was one of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. The important part was never the place itself, but the solitude. Some mornings I wouldn’t accomplish a thing. I might not write a single word, but I would sit quietly with my thoughts and that was enough.

The World Has Changed

When I started this practice, the iPhone was brand-new and social media wasn’t really a part of my world. Things have changed dramatically since then and not necessarily for the better. In today’s fast-paced, overly-connected world, many of us crave quiet, whether we realize it or not we need it. We need a moment to step away from the constant buzz of notifications, responsibilities, and noise.

Solitude is a healthy and intentional choice to spend time with yourself. But solitude may often be confused with isolation, and the two couldn’t be more different. While solitude can recharge us, isolation, especially as we grow older can have a negative impact.

Solitude: A Gift to the Self

Solitude is the act of being alone by choice. It’s not about cutting people off. It’s about making space for reflection, creativity, and restoration. Research shows that solitude reduces stress, sharpens focus, and boosts emotional well-being. Many writers, artists, and thinkers have relied on solitude to nurture ideas and deepen self-connection.

Finding solitude can be as simple as sitting quietly with a morning coffee, taking a walk, journaling, meditating, or engaging in a hobby without distraction. Solitude resets us. It offers clarity and peace in ways constant connection never can or will.

Isolation: The Silent Killer

Isolation, on the other hand, is rarely chosen. It happens when we feel disconnected, unseen, or cut off from meaningful relationships, whether it be family, friends, or like-minded people who inspire us. Unlike solitude, isolation breeds loneliness, sadness, and even hopelessness.

Though I still value my daily solitude, I often wrestle with isolation. Moving has made it harder. Once surrounded by creative people and dreamers, I now live in a suburban community of retired seniors content to walk the dog, mow the lawn until it’s dust, or float in the pool. A community where conversations tend to repeat, and inspiration is rare. I love and appreciate the loved ones around me, but I still crave the company of people who challenge me, inspire me, and help me grow.

As we age, our circles naturally shrink. Sometimes people move. Sometimes we outgrow them. Sometimes, sadly, we lose them. Looking back, I realize I was often the one who initiated gatherings. Without my invitations, they may never have happened. I couldn’t have been the only one needing connection, but it seems the only one needing it enough to initiate gatherings. That s#*t got old.

Now that my 100-hour workweeks are behind me, I feel isolation more deeply and I know I need to do something about it.

The Cost of Isolation

This distinction between solitude and isolation becomes critical with age. Research shows social isolation is at epidemic levels and deeply harmful to both emotional and physical health. For older adults, isolation is linked to higher risks of depression, cognitive decline, heart disease, and even a shortened lifespan. According to the National Institute on Aging, chronic loneliness can be as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Life changes often lead to isolation. Retirement, loss of loved ones, and mobility issues can all create distance from social networks and support systems.

Finding Balance

The key lies in balance. Solitude is intentional and restorative. On the other hand, prolonged isolation is harmful. So, what can we do?

  • Stay socially connected. Regular calls, visits, or community activities keep relationships alive.
  • Volunteer. Serving a cause not only gives purpose but also fosters new friendships.
  • Be intentional about solitude. Make space for yourself but balance it with time among others.
  • Join groups or activities. Book clubs, art classes, or fitness groups offer meaningful connection.
  • Stay open to new relationships. It’s never too late to build friendships or strengthen old ones.
  • RELOCATE to a community or create one!

As we age, it’s vital to embrace solitude for the nourishment it offers, while guarding against the dangers of isolation. Solitude feeds the soul. Isolation drains it. The difference lies in choice, connection, and balance. And again, like almost everything in life, balance is the key!

The Art of Being Found & The Gift of Being Present

KAVON

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September 22, 2025

A colorful graphic of a gift box with a ribbon on top and a clock at the bottom, symbolizing time-sensitive gifts.

The Art of Being Found & The Gift of Being Present

I can admit that I suck at this.  I’m either dwelling on the past or stressing about the future and I seriously need to work on that! I’m either replaying the past like a movie I can’t stop watching or stressing about a future I can’t control. My mind just clings to the past or races ahead to the future, filling my days with regrets over things I can’t change and anxieties that may never come to pass. Yet, in rare moments, life reminds me what it feels like to return to the now.

When I first began painting, I would retreat to my loft in the Arts District of LA and let the hours dissolve around me. Brush in hand, it felt like I would enter a world where time no longer existed. Hours would zoom by. The same thing happens when I write. I used to say I was “lost” when I created, but I realize now that perhaps I was not lost at all. Perhaps I was finally found. Was my purpose to create?

These moments of immersion are invitations into presence. They are reminders that being alive is not measured by the minutes we track on a clock, but by the depth of our attention. When we give ourselves fully to what is in front of us, whether it is paints and canvas, words and paper, or the sound of a loved one’s voice, the past loosens its grip on our minds and the future waits patiently. The present blossoms right in front of our eyes.

The more we draw ourselves into this present space, the more we honor the gift and the miracle of our own existence. Presence is not just a gift we give ourselves, but also a gift we offer others. When we are truly with someone, we offer them our undivided aliveness. And in return, they mirror it back to us. Presence is a quiet exchange and a circle of being fully seen and fully seeing.

Of course, presence is not easy. It slips away the moment we grasp at it. Yet the fact is, we can always return. With each breath, with each brushstroke, with each moment of awareness, we can choose to come back to the present.

Colorful text graphic that reads 'MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT.'

It hasn’t been easy for me.  I have been this way my entire life. I am guessing my childhood has a little to do with that. I had plenty of reasons to be anxious.  But I haven’t been a child for a long ass time, so it’s time to deal with that! Time to stop robbing myself of the present. I often must remind myself tomorrow is not promised to any of us and ask myself, “Why are you obsessing over it?”  I can’t change yesterday, so why obsess over that?  The only time we truly are, is now.

Being fully present sounds simple.  It AIN’T!  Trying to just focus on the moment you’re in might require some practice.  I personally find it very difficult.  My mind is constantly pulled in different directions. Again, I’m either replaying the past, worrying about the future, or just getting lost in distractions.  

Technology, endless to-do lists, and constant notifications make it easy to live in a state of partial attention. I am not really on facebook like that, but I recently turned off notifications!  All day, texts from every connection turned into digital noise for me. I became aware of the endless scrolling trap that is Instagram.  While sometimes I needed that laugh or wanted to try that recipe, it is easy to get sucked in and lose track of time. But is this really how I want to spend my now? Do I want to spend my time reading about everyone else’s life? (And by the way, when you are with someone, but cannot put your phone down, it sends a message that the person in front of you means less than whatever you are watching, reading, or texting. How often is it urgent? Because if it is not urgent, it’s pretty much rude! Just saying!)

And I must admit, sometimes being in the present moment is uncomfortable. I’m forced to face emotions and thoughts I would prefer to avoid. And I’ve been moving so fast for so long, slowing down now feels unnatural. For most of my life, I wore many hats, had multiple jobs and often an overwhelming list of responsibilities. I now feel guilty when I look around seeing things that need to be done while I do nothing. (Which is rare!) I have to work to just “BE.”  And sometimes we all just need to “BE!”

Presence isn’t something we master overnight. It’s like a muscle that needs daily strengthening, whether through mindfulness, meditation, breathing, or simply pausing to notice where you are.

BUT there are actual physical and mental health benefits (AND ANTI-AGING BENEFITS) to learning to be fully present.

The Benefits of Being Fully Present

  • Deeper Connections: When you’re present, you listen with your whole self. People feel heard, valued, and seen. Your relationships become more authentic and meaningful.  (I definitely need to work on this one! My mind races during conversations which makes me suck as a listener!)
  • Less Stress and Anxiety: Worry often lives in the future, regret in the past. Presence allows you to release that weight, quiet your mind, and reduce the mental clutter that fuels stress. (We call all use less stress! Much of it for me is self-inflicted.)
  • Increased Joy in Small Moments: When you’re fully present, ordinary experiences feel richer and more satisfying. It can be as simple as a cup of coffee, a walk outside, or a conversation with a friend. (Although I struggle to find ANYONE that can or wants to walk! Yup. I’m talking about you.)
  • Better Focus and Productivity: Instead of scattering your energy across endless thoughts, you channel it into the task in front of you, which often makes your work more efficient and creative. (I’m the queen of this!  As a result, I am starting multiple projects and completing very few!)
  • Greater Self-Awareness: Being present helps you notice your thoughts and emotions without judgment, making it easier to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.

When we focus on the present moment, we honor the gift that is our lives. We no longer miss what’s right in front of us right now. In the end, being fully present is both a gift and a discipline. It asks for patience, self-compassion, and repeated practice. The beauty is that even when you fail and your mind wanders, you can always begin again. And each time you return to the present moment, you reclaim a little more of your life.

https://www.istockphoto.com/portfolio/umerdeartist?mediatype=illustration

https://www.istockphoto.com/portfolio/HowLettery?mediatype=illustration

Time To Wake Up

KAVON

1 comment

September 15, 2025

An hourglass silhouette against a vibrant sunset, with sand flowing from the top chamber to the bottom, symbolizing the passage of time.

I see dead people. Okay they’re not really dead. They’re just not fully alive. They’re what I call the living dead! I’m not talking zombies, but damn close. Zombie-ish. People who wake up every morning, but never truly wake up. People who are existing without meaning and moving without purpose and not fully living. Some days I find myself to be among them. Many days. Sometimes the cure is just a day or two in New York City, which luckily is a convenient train ride away. The minute I step outside of Penn Station, I feel like I come to life. I also feel about twenty years younger. Just a simple escape from my everyday existence is like a alarm clock. I wake up. (and in NYC, you better be awake!)

Is this you? Are you just existing? Or are you living? Are you waking up? Not just getting up in the AM but actually waking up. Are you awake, or are you sleepwalking through life? Are you fully alive or one of the walking dead? Just punching the clock in the morning and at night.

If you had to write your own eulogy, what would it say? Would it be worth listening to—or would people nod off because you never did anything remarkable, never took risks? If you don’t like the answer when you asked yourself that question, start rewriting it—now. Each day gives you an opportunity to do some editing.

I remember many years ago reading this poem by Linda Ellis called The Dash.  An excerpt follows:

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

Now ask yourself this question. How are you living your dash? That little line between the year you were born and the year you’ll leave this world. Living your dash isn’t about grand gestures or fame. It’s about impact. What did you do to make the world a better place? (Even in small ways?) What did you do to make your existence meaningful, joyful, worth remembering? Living your dash doesn’t require changing the whole world. It’s about the small ways you can show up.  It can be as simple as a kind word to a stranger, mentoring someone younger, volunteering, or simply being fully present with the people you love. (Yes! Put the phone down!)

We often talk about aging as if it’s only about wrinkles, gray hair, and slowing down. But the real tragedy isn’t in the number of candles on the cake, it’s in how many people stop living long before their flame goes out. They’re still here, still breathing, still going through the motions, but their spark is gone.

I have asked myself, “How do you want to age? (Because you don’t really have a choice!  You’re going to! Well, there is one option, but I’m not interested in that one just yet!)  Should we still put our energy into chasing dreams, goals, and plans, or live each day as if it were our last, squeezing joy out of every moment? However you may choose to live, just be sure you are living. Maybe the answer is both.

Fill your dash it with purpose, joy, and meaning so that when your story is told, it’s one worth celebrating. Aging doesn’t have to mean fading. It can mean waking fully, finally, and deciding to live.

You are alive.
But are you living?
I see people every day—
hearts still beating, lungs still breathing—
yet their light has dimmed.
They move through time like shadows,
punching clocks, filling calendars,
never tasting the sweetness of now.

The tragedy of aging isn’t the years on your skin,
but the years you surrender without truly being awake.
Sleepwalking.
Existing.
The living dead.

Wake up.
Not just to the alarm clock,
but to the miracle of being here.
Wake up to your dash—
that fragile line between beginning and end.
What story will yours tell?
A whisper that fades in silence?
Or a song that lingers long after you’re gone?

You don’t have to be famous.
You don’t have to be perfect.
But you do have to live—
to love deeply, laugh loudly,
give generously, risk boldly.

Because life is not about how long you were here.
It’s about how awake you dared to be.

https://www.istockphoto.com/portfolio/BrianAJackson?mediatype=photography

SAVE THE YOUNG ADULTS

KAVON

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September 8, 2025

Decorative typography artwork featuring the phrase 'Hope is Stronger than Fear' in bold pink lettering with playful design elements.
https://www.istockphoto.com/portfolio/LettersCraft?mediatype=illustration

I might catch some s#*t over parts of this post.  I might be wrong. I am just sharing some observations. Please don’t view this as criticism.

I feel like a large segment of an entire generation of youth were not parented. Perhaps parents were too busy trying to survive and had no time to parent.  Hey, I had two and three jobs as a single mom, so I understand.  You do the best you can. And, let us not sugarcoat the fact that a bunch of us grew up with only one parent in our lives.  No. Not in the house. In our LIVES! I know sometimes you can be the best parent and still something goes terribly wrong. (Outside influences.) It is not an easy job and the truth is, it’s not for everyone. Seriously. Some folks are just not equipped. That saying, “it takes a village,” is so true.  When we were growing up, you had parents everywhere.  Everyone watched out for everyone’s kids. Do not walk past Ms. Dell’s acting a fool or being loud.  She was going to call your mom. Everyone knew your mom! Don’t walk past Aunt Norma’s eating.  She didn’t think that was proper.  You needed to go sit down and eat.  Do not dare walk across Ms. Willabell’s flower beds!

And speaking of eating. Those evenings you sat down to dinner with your family, just try getting up without asking to be excused!  Just try it! You came when called and left when excused.  Don’t make any plans if it’s your night to wash dishes. (Spoiler alert!  No dishwashers!  That was a luxury item!) We had chores and responsibilities.  We were too young to work outside of the home, but trust and believe, you contributed with manual labor in the house.  That buffet better be dust-free if that was on your chores list. My daughter had to mop the kitchen floor on Fridays.  Yes, she would wait until she heard my car pull up and then rush downstairs to spread dirty water across the floor before rushing out to spend the weekend at her Dad’s house, but she knew she had to do it!  And she did! (Barely.)

And newsflash, if they are not taught how to act at home, how do you think they will behave elsewhere. If you let them run around with food, screaming at home, what did you think would happen at the restaurant? If there is no inside voice at home, there won’t be an inside voice outside of the home.

We were taught manners and to respect our elders and those in positions of authority. Now, if I had an issue or felt I had been mistreated or I questioned that authority, I wasn’t disrespectful. I went home and told Ms. Pat, and she would handle that situation, adult to adult.  You were taught to say hello when you passed someone on the street. You would offer to assist the elderly, not plow them over! And while you might use a few curse words around your friends, you wouldn’t dream of using profanity in the company of adults, whether you knew them or not. RESPECT for self. RESPECT for others. (At least until they prove to you they don’t deserve it!) I walked past so many young folks this weekend and thought to myself, “WHO RAISED YOU?” The answer might be, NOBODY.

Social media, in my opinion has been a huge issue for those that grew up with it. But I don’t think social media is to blame for some of the things I have witnessed.  And while I truly believe that chemicals permitted in our food have affected mental health, brains and behavior, I also believe that a lack of guidance has played a huge role in the misguided youth.  

I do blame technology for the shrinking of their brains and social media for the lack of social skills, but who gave them the devices?  PARENTS. (Sometimes to take the place of having to parent!) Who allowed devices in schools? We survived just fine without a phone in school.  If you needed to call your mom, you went to the office. If your mom needed to reach you, she called the office, and they would come get you from class.

When I give you a $5 bill and you can’t make change without whipping out your phone, we have a serious problem! When “ur sentences r writn in text format…..” because you haven’t written anything in proper English or read anything in years, we have a problem! When ChatGPT is doing your homework and allowing you to cheat, you are not only cheating yourself, but you are cheating us all. We will all be affected when your dumb ass is running something! 

Kids need to learn that you won’t always come out on top, and that’s okay. Losing is part of life. Things won’t always go your way, but guess what? You’ll survive. That’s resilience! One Christmas, I gave my granddaughter a bracelet that read, “Fall down seven times. Get up eight!” That pretty much sums it up.

Anyway, enough of my little parenting rant. What I really want to get into is how teaching resilience early on gives young adults the strength and tools they’ll carry for life. They need it more now, than ever! And how we as their elders, can help.

THE YOUNG ADULTS ARE CRACKING

Over the past few days, I’ve had several conversations with young adults in their twenties. Many of them young people of color, (although certainly not limited to young people of color!) around the same age my granddaughter would be. I found myself speaking to them the way I’d speak to her, with care, curiosity, and honesty.

These young people were intelligent, articulate, polite, and kind. Yes, they work in hospitality, and yes, being pleasant is technically part of their job, but let’s be honest, we’ve all been served by people who clearly didn’t want to be there and who were in the wrong profession. One told me she loved her work in hospitality, while others admitted that this was just a steppingstone and that they dreamed of more. For now, this was the only door open to them. Even if they are lucky enough to find a job, they certainly cannot live off the wages outside of mom’s basement or without six roommates.  Some are depressed because they can’t find jobs. They feel like they are failing when in fact, they have been failed. 

What struck me though, was the common thread woven through each of our conversations. There was a heavy sense of hopelessness. Anxiety. Worry. Fear.

Some of them had college degrees yet were stuck in jobs that barely paid the bills. They wondered if their dreams were slipping away.  Not because they lacked talent or ambition, but because the world is shifting beneath their feet. AI is replacing entry-level jobs. Whole industries are being upended. It is no wonder these youngsters feel so hopeless. 

One young woman was a singer but disheartened by the state of the music industry. As someone who has been involved in that industry for decades, she was right to feel that way.  Record labels today demand that you already be successful before they’ll sign you, (and then do as little as possible) and when they do, they act more like predatory banks than partners. Sure, you can go the independent route, but then you’re competing with millions of songs released every day, buried in a flood of mediocrity at best.  It’s like sifting through rocks and dirt looking for gold!

One young man I spoke with dreamed of becoming a voice actor. He had talent, drive, and a deep, rich voice. I even tried to connect him with a successful voice actor I knew.  She had done very well for herself, but after reaching out to my contact in an attempt to connect him with someone who might be able to mentor him, I find out that after many years of success, she too was worried that her very voice could be copied by AI without her consent. Imagine hearing that as someone just starting out in your career, that the very dream you’re chasing might not even exist by the time you get there.

Between the crushing cost of living, stagnant wages, climate disasters becoming normal, political chaos, and a world that feels increasingly unstable, is it any wonder these young people feel overwhelmed?  We fu*#ked up the planet.  We weren’t waiting for tornadoes to lift our homes off the foundations (unless you lived in the Midwest) and floods that have increasingly become a normal thing because of global warming and a climate crisis which again, we played a role in.  “I don’t mean me! But folks!” (My favorite line from the nurse in the movie Doc Hollywood.)

The grownups running the country, and parts of the world are crazy AF.  The sane ones are hiding from the crazy ones.  If the adults are living in fear, how do you think these young folks feel?

When I was their age, even as a single mother, I was full of ambition and hope. I believed opportunities were limitless. I didn’t wake up every day wondering if democracy would survive. Yes, the world had its problems, but there was still a sense that the future could be brighter.

Even in their twenties, these young folks still need our guidance. They need encouragement. They need someone older to look them in the eye and say, “I see you. You matter. Don’t give up.” That doesn’t always have to come from their parents. It can come from teachers, mentors, neighbors, church leaders, coworkers, or even strangers willing to take the time to listen and to share words of encouragement and hope. It can come from YOU!

My ass is old(ER), and I had to limit my consumption of the news because I too was starting to feel a sense of hopelessness.  Hell, my generation would probably not have fared too well dealing with the issues our parents faced in the 40′, 50’s and 60’s. Many of these kids of color do not even understand that we didn’t always have civil rights and truth is, they’re trying to take us back to that time!  But these youngsters need to know they have power.  A difficult as it is, they need to remain hopeful, because what is the alternative? 

Our generation has much to offer them. Too many young adults are growing up without hope. We can’t fix all their problems. We can’t singlehandedly change the economy, or stop climate change, or make student debt disappear. But we can remind them that they are not powerless. That our generation survived, adapted, and fought back and they can too.

We can all take the time to speak with and mentor these young folks These young adults need us to model resilience. They need us to share our wisdom, our lessons, and yes, even our failures. (We have all survived many a failure!) They need us to listen without judgment, to guide without controlling, and to believe in them when the world makes them doubt themselves.

Because the truth is: hopelessness spreads like a disease. But so does hope. And it’s on us, the older generation, to be the carriers of hope.

If you encounter a young person, take the time to encourage them. Ask them about their dreams. Share a resource. Offer your wisdom.

We truly have the power to help lift them up. And they need us now more than ever.

Now What?

KAVON

1 comment

August 29, 2025

A close-up image of a vintage typewriter with a sheet of paper containing the text 'ONCE UPON A TIME' partially visible.
Dr. King wasn’t the only one with a dream!

“What advice would do you give to people starting their “second, third, or fourth act” in their lives or careers?
First and foremost, NEVER think that it’s too late or that you’re too old. I love to tell people that I started SoulCycle when I was 48 years old and Flywheel when I was 52. I usually get gasps from the audience! People love to hear that and it gives them hope. The old adage is true. When we get older, we get wiser and have a wide array of experiences from which we learn. All of these learnings contribute to our next venture.”

I lifted (cut and pasted) that little that gem from a profile on Ruth Zukerman in The Ageist (highly recommend, by the way). It’s a publication that celebrates people living bold, creative, fulfilling lives in midlife and beyond. And honestly? It’s inspiring to see proof that we’re not “done” just because society sometimes says we should be.

Since leaving TV production, I’ve been asking myself the same big question: Now what? What do you do when the 60–70-hour work weeks you had grown accustomed to, end? At first, I did all the things I never had the time or energy to do, like unpacking boxes from a move several years prior, purging closets, cleaning, organizing… basically starring in my own episode of Extreme Makeover: The Money Pit Edition. Oh, and also figuring out how to live without that steady paycheck and those much needed benefits!

In the midst of that chaos, I realized I could barely remember what many of my own goals and dreams were. They’d been simmering on the back burner so long, they’d practically evaporated.

Now! Catch-22!  Without that check, could I even afford to pursue them? I poured myself into the foundation we set up honoring my granddaughter’s legacy. But while fulfilling, this wasn’t going to satisfy my desire to create.  While it does take creativity to build and sustain an organization, I needed more.  I still do. 

I’ve spent years championing other creatives’ visions, managing their businesses, crunching their numbers, cheerleading their talent. And while that’s meaningful, I couldn’t shake the question. What about mine?

Maybe I’d waited too long. Maybe it really was too late. Was my “purpose” just to pay bills and babysit unhinged tenants? (If you’ve ever been a landlord, you know that’s not exactly soul work.) Surely my life wasn’t meant to be just about making everyone else shine while I sat in the wings, dimming my own light.

I want to believe that if you woke up, it’s not too late.  Period. You still get a say in how your story goes. Yes, the chapters you’ve already written are done, however messy, brilliant, heartbreaking, and hilarious; they’re inked. But your book isn’t finished. You get to decide how the next chapter reads, and maybe, just maybe, the best chapters are still ahead.

Recently, I found myself watching reruns of sex and the city for the 100th time. I called it research for my next play, but I was also reminiscing a bit about my younger days and some of the fun my girls and I used to have in the city. Not the kind of fun these girls were having, but fun. (There was a version of Samantha in the crew! Wasn’t me! And that’s all I have to say on that one!)

For years my husband and I had an apartment in Manhattan and a house in the woods. He needed to be there a lot for work, and one year I just added up the hotel bills and it just made more sense to get an apartment.  It would be much more convenient, but to be quite honest I’ve used it more than he did. Although he had lived in Brooklyn for many years and grew up in the city, the woods had spoiled him and the noise at night made it impossible for him to sleep. Didn’t bother me a bit at the time. I would split my week between New York City and Valley Forge PA. The best of both worlds. I found being in the city inspiring. I always met interesting folks and for a time, I was in culinary school and no shortage of amazing culinary experiences there!  We gave up the apartment so I could have my dream kitchen.  Geez. I miss that NYC energy and that kitchen!

Image of the opening credits of a show with the text 'written by ollie levy' displayed.

So anyway, in the opening credits, I noticed the name Ollie Levy. I remembered meeting her.  It’s not like that is a name that you hear often. I sat next to her on a flight to Los Angeles many years ago. After our conversation, I remembered my high school English telling me I was going to be a writer on day.  She didn’t say a good one, now that I think about it.  It sure looked like fun!

Ms. Levy got my attention because she was typing on her laptop computer and laughing out loud. My first thought was, “Uh oh. Someone forgot their meds this morning. She was in her own humorous world. 

I don’t remember what I said to her or how we started talking, but during our conversation, she shared with me that she was a writer and that she wrote for sex in the city. Which I thought was super exciting. I could not believe that I was meeting someone that actually worked on something that I watched and enjoyed. I was fascinated. I think I would have been less excited to meet Carrie Bradshaw herself! 

I thought to myself as she typed and laughed out loud, “What an amazing job that must be. To get paid to laugh; to get paid to make other people laugh, and to make a living using your imagination.”

It brought me back to my childhood where I used to write stories all the time. I remember writing a story about a horse named Winnipeg. I had never seen a horse, but I wrote this story about this girl and this horse. I had quite the imagination. 

Later, I would end up writing some essays. One or two earned me some local awards and a couple of savings bonds. I’m sure I wrote about this in a previous post, but in my Miss Fire Prevention essay I wrote about my trauma as a result of sharing a bed with my mother who routinely smoked in bed and my fear of burning up in my sleep. How was that for sweet dreams? Now that I think about it, she had to be both proud and horrified when I won! As a result of that fear, I learned that I needed to stay awake until she was asleep so that I could put her cigarette out and actually wake up the next day without third degree burns! (I have hated cigarettes ever since.)

That essay won me a ride on the back of the firetruck in the Halloween parade! Embarrassing. AND many years of difficulty sleeping. Not to brag, but I think that might’ve been the same year that my monster mash poster from art class might’ve also won an award! 

Anyway, seeing her name in the credits took me back to that flight. Back when I flew United or maybe it was US air before they became American. Back to that little girl who loved to write and tell stories. (Fiction ya’ll. Not lies.)

I’m still dreaming of seeing my name in the credits of a TV show or film, and not as a coordinator, but as a writer. I would be equally happy to see it on a theater marquee. So, I guess I’m not done dreaming yet and still using my imagination. I am not sure what is next. I guess I have some more chapters to write, and hopefully a happy ending.

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.”~Gloria Steinem

THE MEN ALL PAUSE

KAVON

2 comments

August 25, 2025

Playful typography with colorful text that reads 'I am still hot, it just comes in flashes now' on a red background.
https://www.istockphoto.com/portfolio/newannyart?mediatype=illustration

Where my 80’s music fans at? Remember that song, ironically by a group called Klymaxx?

“Don’t you know the men all pause
when I walked into the room. The men all pause
and the brides held their grooms”

Yeah. Only pause I’ve got is the meno-pause!

Why is it that we go from one extreme to another? First, you never heard the word menopause and now you can’t escape it.  It’s a hot topic for sure. The key word there is “hot.” Women in menopause are hot (and moist!) in all the wrong places!  (Sidebar. I have a nephew who hates the word “moist,” which cracks me up and makes me want to say it repeatedly in his presence!) Too bad our sex organs aren’t located on the back of our necks.  It’s good and hot back there!

I recently had a conversation with a friend who said menopause is the reason men in their 50’s and 60’s date and marry much younger women.  Their older girlfriends and wives have zero desire for sex, or them. I get it although, come on!  That is not the only reason.  It might not even be the top reason, but I did understand where he was coming from.  I have a bunch of male friends. One said, “I don’t want to cheat, but what am I supposed to do?”  Meanwhile, they have a blue pill. Big pharma ain’t got S*#T for us!

That said, if you happen to be in a relationship, you better figure something out.  I definitely understood his position. Menopause, if you are in a relationship, is not just a change for you. It is a transition for both you and your partner.  There must me a mutual understanding of what the hell is happening! While it seems to just be happening to us, it is a shared experience that challenges both parties in the relationship.   Symptoms of menopause, and I can speak from experience, can make you more easily irritated which can be challenging for your partner to navigate and can lead to feelings of anger and isolation on both sides.

Statistically, it is normal during the menopausal years for a woman’s libido to wane often resulting in one partner wanting more sex than the other.  Sometimes it started out that way, and menopause only made it worse! Sadly, statistics also seem to show there is a correlation between menopause and divorce rates.  The symptoms of menopause can drastically impact a relationship. While menopause might not be the sole reason for divorce, it can be a contributing factor. Navigating this phase requires open and honest communication, as well as educating ourselves.

The physical changes can make engaging in sex painful. Between the decreased libido and the pain….Houston! I think we have a problem! And to add insult to injury, the physical changes women go through during menopause often affect their confidence and self-esteem.  The physical changes often affect women emotionally as well.  Ask me. I know. Just getting dressed some days is depressing when your clothes no longer fit the way they used to.  When you look in the mirror and the front and the back are starting to look the same, you might not feel all that attractive.  A change in body image and feeling less attractive can have a major impact on women.  Add to that, the decreasing levels of estrogen and you have the perfect cocktail for a decline in a woman’s desire to have sex!   You also might not have the same level of sensitivity, making it less enjoyable. Sadly, there’s no pill for that. Overall health issues as we age, can also result in less energy which can be another factor affecting sex drive. FAFO waking up a sleeping menopausal woman.  It won’t be pretty.

Thinking back on my friend’s comments, a decreased libido caused by menopause can result in resentment and frustration. This might cause men to engage in affairs which likely will lead to a divorce.  Because women in menopause are not only short on hormones, we’re also short on patience and tolerance for BS! 

So, what can we do?  What can men do to support us?

BE PATIENT!  Be patient with yourself.  If you are in a relationship, be patient with your partner.  And I mean that from both sides of the relationship.  He’s going through this with you!

Men can help by gaining an understanding of what is happening to us both physically and emotionally. I know it is a tall order, but try not to take things personally.  I know you are freezing, but please let us control the thermostat. You can always put more clothes on, but we can only take so much off until we are just a flaming hot skin suit!  Regularly show us some love and support.  And lastly, encourage and suggest activities that will help to promote her well-being.  This will benefit men as well.  Activities that include relaxation techniques, as well as physical activities that AREN’T SEX!

That said, I have always believed that engaging in sex is part of a healthy lifestyle.  Research has shown that it has not only physical and psychological benefits, it has anti-aging benefits as well, but considering the circumstances, maybe try establishing a habit of taking walks together, hitting the gym together, or maybe some yoga classes. 

What’s a girl to do?

If possible, use it or lose it! Consider hormone therapy as an option.  Talk to your doc so you can weigh the benefits versus the risk. Check your meds.  Some meds can affect your libido. Go shopping!  No, not for clothes. Hint! Hint! Look for ways to reduce stress.  And lastly, EXERCISE! EXERCISE! EXERCISE!

“Exercise can have immediate effects like increasing blood flow—which can, in turn, improve your sex drive.”

“Turns out, pumping iron = pumping blood. Acute (or moderate) exercise increases blood flow to the genitals, activating the sympathetic nervous system,” says Amelia M. Stanton, PhD, a researcher and assistant professor in the Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences at Boston University.

A healthier lifestyle, a better diet, and physical activity can have a major impact on your self-image and sexuality as you navigate this phase of life.

And one final thought.  Remember this one thing. 

You are alive.  Be grateful. Yes, your abdomen might be sliding down your thighs a bit, BUT you lived long enough to experience this transition and not the other kind! (Insert wide-eyed emoji here…or the praying hands if that’s your thing!)

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/how-sex-changes-after-menopause

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29606554

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a61865131/workout-routine-sex-drive

The Highly Profitable Business of Dis-ease

KAVON

1 comment

August 18, 2025

A hand in pink gloves holds a bottle of prescription pills and a stack of money, symbolizing the connection between pharmaceuticals and financial transactions.

Managing disease is a business.  Managing disease is profitable.  Managing disease is also to some extent, driven by greed.  There is a reason that few diseases are ever cured.  Chris Rock said it best in his stand-up years back. “The money is in the medicine.” So, why would there be a desire to cure folks when all that money will disappear.  If people stay sick, heartless folks keep making money. 

So, why?  Bob, I will take “GREED” for $200!  Sick people are profitable.  A cured patient is no longer a revenue stream! Big pharma and segments of the medical “industry” have a financial incentive to manage the symptoms of a disease, rather than eliminate it!

I mean, it is simple mathematics. Developing a one-time cure that eradicates a disease is far less profitable that the multitude of drugs you might have to take for decades. Treatment guidelines can be influenced by research that pharmaceutical companies have funded! It is a sad situation.

I was so happy when I saw a cardiologist recently. I know.  That sounds weird, but it was an appointment I had waited for since March.  Unlike many, my blood pressure was dropping too low, which can be just as dangerous, especially on the highway at 60 mph when your legs start to feel like Jello.

It was my first visit with this doctor, but I was pleasantly surprised when she actually started by asking me about my lifestyle.  She asked about my dietary habits, my exercise routine, and overall lifestyle.  I was both shocked and relieved.  While she did say, you have a bit of a leaky valve which is likely genetic and a tad scary, (I have had a murmur my whole life) she also suggested my blood pressure issues and palpitations may be related to mineral deficiencies.  I have only had one other doctor who asked questions like those. 

Nutritional therapy, exercise programs, and other non-drug interventions are rarely, if ever promoted or suggested.  It is easier to whip out that prescription pad. (I know! It’s all digital now, but you get the point!)

Our current healthcare system is basically an “endless treatment” model designed to keep us JUST HEALTHY ENOUGH to stay living and loyal customers, thereby creating a long-term revenue stream for insurers, drug companies, and even hospitals. Big pharma spends millions lobbying and donating to political campaigns in order to help shape the laws in their favor including drug pricing and insurance coverage. What a racket!  Don’t get me started on insurance. It is truly a criminal enterprise!

While I am sure some of my issues are probably related to long-term and chronic stress, the truth is that things can get a little out of whack as we age. Stress only makes it worse.  But it could be as simple as a magnesium deficiency which can be eliminated through dietary changes and supplementation and NOT ANOTHER DRUG!

Diet and lifestyle improvement, including stress management, can be life changing.  I truly believe that most diseases can be prevented and eliminated through even subtle changes in our daily habits.  Small changes can make a big difference. And of course, I’m not referring to all diseases.  But let’s quickly talk about another reason so many of us are sick in the first place!

SUBSI-DISEASE – We are what we eat!

By now, unless you’ve been living under a rock or in complete denial, we all know that diet and lifestyle play a huge role in determining whether you are healthy or unhealthy. (And of course genetics, but that’s not what this post is about.) Poor dietary choices come with a huge price tag!  It might not appear that way on the surface because the food that is bad for us is subsidized by our tax money.  Cheap food now and a bunch of expensive prescriptions later! It is a vicious cycle. 

Bad food is cheaper because of subsidies!  They should call them “Subsidisease.” Consuming bad food is making and keeping us sick!  And while cheaper to purchase because it is subsidized, there are hidden costs that tragically won’t stay hidden for long.  Consuming it might save you some money today, but trust and believe, the bill is coming, and you’ll pay with both your health, (our most valuable asset) and your wallet! You are either going to pay now, or pay later, but you will for damn sure pay!  The current system was designed to produce, not health, but corporate profits!

Remember the food pyramid?  Those USDA nutritional guidelines and recommendations.  Not sure I’m taking nutritional advice from the government, especially in the current climate.  What is ironic is the foods that they recommend on that pyramid are not the foods that they subsidize.  Those subsidies help keep the prices of certain types of products low and affordable.  But the top two, corn and soybeans are then used to make highly processed junk food! 

What is being supported is nutrient-deficient products, that I don’t even want to refer to as food!  Sadly, most Americans filling up on these empty calories disguised as food and it’s making us fatter and sicker. You may as well be eating Styrofoam. (And NO, that is not a dietary suggestion!)  Numerous studies have linked these subsidies to increasing obesity which has resulted in one of the biggest health issues in this country. The associated medical costs for this crisis affect all our pockets!

How about making fruits and veggies affordable?  Nope, the foods that are healthiest are considered “specialty crops.”  Consuming healthy foods should not be considered special.

The current system doesn’t make fruits and veggies affordable.  So, why recommend that we fill out plates with fruits and veggies and funnel our tax dollars into high fructose corn syrup?  How about incentivizing a healthy diet?  Fresh fruit and produce should not be considered a luxury reserved for the wealthy.

I recently had a conversation with a friend involved in handing out free food boxes for those in need at a community center in a small town.  She shared the contents with me. It was a box of highly processed plastic containers and canned goods.  I get it fills an empty stomach, but with what? Empty calories. Clearly, that is what was donated to the food bank that supplies the boxes, which is a beautiful gesture.  I get the whole shelf-life thing.  On the surface, it’s a good thing to feed the hungry, but how wonderful it would be to feed folks real food.  Folks are being fed, but still nutritionally starved. There must be a better way, which is a whole other post for sure.

As for me, I’m optimistic my issue will be corrected by addressing potential deficiencies and a few other lifestyle adjustments.  I have no desire to be among those that are just “managing” a disease or lining the pockets of healthcare and big pharma CEOs.  I mean, how big of a yacht does one need?  

In the end, if we all do better, we will all benefit. 

What’s the saying?  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Let’s Root For Each Other and Watch Each Other Grow!

KAVON

2 comments

August 5, 2025

A stylized tree with a brown trunk and roots, adorned with colorful heart-shaped leaves in pink, red, orange, yellow, and blue, set against a white background.

Recently while stopped at a red light, (you remember, the color that indicates you need to stop that most hurried to get to I-don’t-know-where-in-such-a-hurry, these days seem to view as merely an suggestion to maybe stop!) I noticed something painted on the side of the building.  Yes, you tend to notice things when you slow down or take the time to stop.  It said,

“LET’S ROOT FOR EACH OTHER AND WATCH EACH OTHER GROW.”

It stuck with me and really made me think about how things have changed so much in my lifetime.  Or maybe they haven’t.  Maybe I’m just paying attention because I’ve slowed down.  Well, I’ve tried to.  Most would argue otherwise.  Since my forced retirement, a/k/a lay off and subsequent age discrimination, I don’t think I’ve ever been busier.  If only it was paying work!  But I digress.

It feels anymore, like the world is running on a combination of comparison, competition, and hate. 

Social media, which I believe was originally designed to bring us closer together, has in many ways done the exact opposite.  In addition to making us less safe and exposing us to fraud and criminals, it has also fueled comparison.  The perfectly curated, made up, rehearsed reels pretending to be someone’s reality, more often than not, make us feel bad about ourselves; like we’re not good enough or failing.  Instead of feeling inspired, we feel inadequate.  Instead of making us feel closer, we feel even further apart.  Instead of feeling connected, we feel isolated. Like we’re watching everyone else win while we sit on the sidelines sporting the loser crown.

A bit off topic, (but a tad related) but there is something else I noticed lately.  EVERYONE is a damn expert!  Everyone is killing it as a result of their self-declared expertise, except us, and they are dying to teach us how to be as successful as they are for just $48!  Everyone has a course to teach, and they’ve got a teaser disguised as a free workshop that provides absolutely zero information.  BUT, FOR A LIMITED TIME, you can pay me to teach you my secrets of success.  And THERE ARE LIMITED SEATS AVAILABLE, SO SIGN UP NOW. Right! Limited until tomorrow when I’m after my next set of suckers!  Want to know how so many are making money online?  Selling thousands of us bullshit, $48 at a time!  “Fool me once shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me!”

One the surface it may appear that these folks are rooting for you and trying to teach you the secrets of their success, (and maybe there are some that are genuinely trying to do that!) but seems more like “My life is great. I’m uber successful. You’re a failure, but I can help you and get rich at the same time! Almost feels like a modern-day pyramid scheme to me.  Remember those?  You become a sucker and then you go out and find your own suckers. Some Madoff level BS, minus the stocks.  I wish I believed it was folks just rooting for us. Negativity? Or reality?

So, I. thought to myself, can you really be truly happy if everyone around you is miserable and struggling?

What might happen if we genuinely supported and rooted for each other?   Rooting for someone doesn’t diminish your own light.  It just adds to the collective brightness.  Rivalry comes from a scarcity mindset, and the belief that there isn’t enough to go around. But, guess what else….

Rooting for others benefits us all!

It Reflects Confidence, Not Insecurity
Truly cheering for someone else means you’re secure in your own journey. It says, “I believe there’s room for all of us.” And there is. There’s power in saying, “You’re doing great, and I’m not threatened by it.” That kind of energy is rare in the world of likes and filters, but it’s exactly what we need more of.

It Builds Connection
Celebrating someone else’s win builds trust, empathy, and genuine connection. It reminds us we’re not alone. We rise faster and stronger when we lift together. When we celebrate someone’s achievement, or offer support during their struggle, we start to repair the disconnect.

It Pushes Back Against Toxic Comparison
Social media has sadly made it easy to fall into the trap of measuring our lives against someone else’s filtered moments. Think about it!  Why do we even feel the need to use a filter in the first place? 

It Creates a Culture of Support
One voice of encouragement can spark a wave. In teams, families, schools, and communities, support becomes contagious. The more we give, the more it grows. Being supportive can be magnetic. The more we practice it, the more we attract it. Whether it’s online or in real life, rooting for each other fosters spaces where people can thrive without needing to compete for belonging.

It Feels Good
There’s real joy in seeing others thrive.  This is especially so when you know you played a small part in their story. Being someone else’s cheerleader nourishes your own soul.

7 Ways We Can Root For Each Other

SAY IT

Tell folks you believe in them.  Offer words of support and encouragement. Remind them who they are, and what they are capable of.

LISTEN

Sometimes rooting for someone just means being there and listening without judgment.  Your presence can be more powerful than any advice you might offer.

SEND A MESSAGE. 

A “thinking of you,” message can change a person’s entire day. You are letting them know they matter.

CELEBRATE

Celebrate their accomplishments without comparison or jealousy.  Your time is coming too.

OFFER HELP

Use your contacts, knowledge, and network to help open doors for others.

COLLABORATE.

Rather than compete, work together.  Collaboration can create a bigger impact. 

SHOW UP

One of the most powerful forms of encouragement is to just show up! Support their efforts. Attend their events. Share their work.

And remember

WE RISE HIGHER WHEN WE RISE TOGETHER.

https://www.istockphoto.com/portfolio/ChanakarnPhinakan?mediatype=illustration

LAUGH OUT LOUD!

KAVON

2 comments

July 29, 2025

Colorful comic-style graphic featuring the text 'LOL!' in a speech bubble against a vibrant, swirling background.

Where are my Curb Your Enthusiasm fans?  One of my favorite episodes is when Larry becomes a bit of a social assassin when a friend doesn’t have the stones to let his wife know that he hates it when she says “LOL” instead of just laughing.  Larry, of course, in true Larry David fashion, calls her out.  “What’s with the saying LOL?  Why don’t you just laugh?”

WHY DON’T YOU JUST LAUGH?

Everyone who knows me, is aware that the last thirty minutes of my evening are spent watching something funny.  Even if I’ve just watched a movie or documentary, I will likely watch an old episode of Seinfeld or Always Sunny in Philadelphia for a laugh at what promises to be something ridiculous and stupid, but funny.  If I really need a good laugh, the talent show in Napoleon Dynamite hits the spot. Laughter has become a prescription I take at the end of my day along with my magnesium supplement.

Why laughter you ask?  Okay, you didn’t, but here’s the deal.  Laughter is not only good for your mind, but also for your body and soul!

In December of 2023, I started writing a collection of essays on loss.  If you have been following my blog, you already know why. I am hoping I will one day publish it. My fingers are crossed that the NJ Council for the Arts coughs up some grant money so I can dedicate the time to finishing it! The collection is entitled, “Losing It.”  In this collection I wrote about all types of loss.  I know, you’re like, “And what the hell does loss that have to do with laughter?” Keep reading….

A Collection of Personal Essays – Exploring Loss with a twist.

 Loss of family, friends, children, youth, beauty, and bladder control.

“Let’s Face It” deals with my face sliding down my neck and the loss of collagen!

“I’m pissed off.” Well, I’m sure you can figure that one out.

The collection addresses my experiences with loss that I know EVERYONE at some point, will be able to relate to and I hope, learn to laugh about.

I have always enjoyed comedy.  My husband and I were huge fans of stand-up long before Def Jam and the slew of stand-up specials on HBO, Hulu, Netflix, etc   We used to frequent comedy clubs in NYC in the 80’s.  We saw comics that are hugely successful now when they were just starting out. We saw the skinny Dave Chappelle without a cigarette in his hand!  In fact, one of our first dates was to a comedy club.  He later told me it was a test to see if I had a sense of humor.  Hell, with my childhood, I’d better have one.  Laughter for me (And I’m sure many others, including most stand-up comics) was, and remains a coping mechanism.

A few months after I decided to start any writing, I took the first step and enrolled in some classes.  At the time, I was working in the film industry in the accounting department, so I was particularly interested in screenwriting, although I took classes in storytelling as well. It was in one of those classes I learned the equation, COMEDY = TRAGEDY + TIME.  I wasn’t so sure about all of that.  Didn’t seem to add up. How the hell is tragedy ever going to be funny?

Shortly after I started writing my essay collection, I read an interview that writer/director/actor Eugene Levy did with Creative Screenwriting following the release of his feature film, “Good Grief,” and I could totally relate to much of what he said.  It was one of the reasons that I started writing in the first place. 

“I love storytelling, and I think I’ve always been an observant person, when it comes to reveling in human dynamics,” says Dan Levy. “As an observer of people writing felt like an easy outlet to express my curiosity about who people are, how they work, and the flaws and joys of who we are as people. I love the fine balance of comedy and drama. I love acting it, writing it. I think it’s truthful and life.” He explains, “There’s always comedy in the darkest of times. I think it’s a coping mechanism. As human beings, we have to laugh to get through things. I’ve never subscribed to the idea that you should only do one thing — only comedy or only drama — that they can’t live together. Life is both drama and comedy living together. That’s what every day is.”

I couldn’t have said it better, but I have said it though. Life is dramedy.  You must balance the drama with laughter in order to survive!  I never believed I would laugh again after such a tragic and life-altering loss, but I did.  I recall the line in the Sex in the City movie, after Carrie was left at the altar by Big.  Heartbroken, she asks her friends if she would ever laugh again.  I mean it took her friend Charlotte shitting her pants at a Mexican resort, but she laughed.  When something is truly funny, you will laugh again. Laughter is a reminder that there is still joy in life to be had.  Laughter, even momentarily, can help lift the weight of loss.  They say laughter is the best medicine—and as it turns out, there’s solid science behind that saying. From boosting your mood to strengthening your immune system, laughter offers powerful mental and physical benefits.

1. A Natural Stress Reliever

When you laugh, your brain releases a flood of feel-good chemicals like dopamine and endorphins. These are our body’s natural painkillers and mood elevators. (and a healthier option than anti-depressants!) These chemicals counteract stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, helping you feel more relaxed and balanced.  Excess cortisol can eventually wear out your cardiovascular and metabolic systems.  Laughter also triggers the parasympathetic nervous system—the “rest and digest” mode—which lowers your heart rate and blood pressure, helping your body return to a state of calm.

2. It’s a Bit of a Workout! (but don’t skip that walk or the gym!)

A good laugh engages your diaphragm, tightens your abdominal muscles, and even gives your heart a bit of a workout. Laughter increases your oxygen intake, stimulates your heart and lungs, and improves circulation.

Researchers say that laughing for 10–15 minutes a day can burn as many as 40 calories. While that’s not quite a substitute for the gym, it’s a great supplement—especially if you’re enjoying your workouts less than your sitcom reruns.

3. Immune System Boost

Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to illness. Laughter helps reduce that stress and supports immune function by increasing infection-fighting antibodies and activating protective cells like T-cells and natural killer cells. Consider laughter the antidote to stress, which can weaken our immune system making us more vulnerable to diseases.  Laugh more = Sick less.

4. Pain Management and Physical Relief

Laughter has been shown to increase pain tolerance. In clinical settings, patients who watched funny videos required less pain medication than those who didn’t. Laughter interrupts the pain-spasm cycle common to many muscle disorders, providing temporary relief from discomfort and tension.

5. Strengthens Social Bonds

Laughter is a powerful social glue. Sharing a laugh fosters connection, creates bonds, improves communication, builds trust, and increases intimacy.  When we laugh with others, it creates a sense of unity and belonging. Sharing a laugh is basically sharing your feelings.  This is especially beneficial for mental health, as strong social connections are a key factor in emotional resilience and longevity.

6. Boosts Mood and Fights Depression

Laughter shifts perspective and gives your mind a break from negative thoughts. Even during difficult times, finding something to laugh about—even dark humor—can help reframe your outlook and make challenges seem more manageable.

For people dealing with anxiety or depression, laughter doesn’t replace therapy or medication, but it can be an important coping tool that supports emotional recovery.

How to Add More Laughter to Your Life

  • Watch a comedy special or funny movie
  • Surround yourself with light-hearted, humorous people
  • Join an improv class
  • Follow social accounts or pages that share uplifting or silly content
  • Don’t take yourself too seriously—find joy in the little absurdities of life

Laughter won’t solve all of your problems, but it can certainly make them easier to face. It’s free! It’s contagious and readily available. So, the next time life feels overwhelming, give yourself permission to laugh. Your mind and body will thank you.