I might catch some s#*t over parts of this post. I might be wrong. I am just sharing some observations. Please don’t view this as criticism.
I feel like a large segment of an entire generation of youth were not parented. Perhaps parents were too busy trying to survive and had no time to parent. Hey, I had two and three jobs as a single mom, so I understand. You do the best you can. And, let us not sugarcoat the fact that a bunch of us grew up with only one parent in our lives. No. Not in the house. In our LIVES! I know sometimes you can be the best parent and still something goes terribly wrong. (Outside influences.) It is not an easy job and the truth is, it’s not for everyone. Seriously. Some folks are just not equipped. That saying, “it takes a village,” is so true. When we were growing up, you had parents everywhere. Everyone watched out for everyone’s kids. Do not walk past Ms. Dell’s acting a fool or being loud. She was going to call your mom. Everyone knew your mom! Don’t walk past Aunt Norma’s eating. She didn’t think that was proper. You needed to go sit down and eat. Do not dare walk across Ms. Willabell’s flower beds!
And speaking of eating. Those evenings you sat down to dinner with your family, just try getting up without asking to be excused! Just try it! You came when called and left when excused. Don’t make any plans if it’s your night to wash dishes. (Spoiler alert! No dishwashers! That was a luxury item!) We had chores and responsibilities. We were too young to work outside of the home, but trust and believe, you contributed with manual labor in the house. That buffet better be dust-free if that was on your chores list. My daughter had to mop the kitchen floor on Fridays. Yes, she would wait until she heard my car pull up and then rush downstairs to spread dirty water across the floor before rushing out to spend the weekend at her Dad’s house, but she knew she had to do it! And she did! (Barely.)
And newsflash, if they are not taught how to act at home, how do you think they will behave elsewhere. If you let them run around with food, screaming at home, what did you think would happen at the restaurant? If there is no inside voice at home, there won’t be an inside voice outside of the home.
We were taught manners and to respect our elders and those in positions of authority. Now, if I had an issue or felt I had been mistreated or I questioned that authority, I wasn’t disrespectful. I went home and told Ms. Pat, and she would handle that situation, adult to adult. You were taught to say hello when you passed someone on the street. You would offer to assist the elderly, not plow them over! And while you might use a few curse words around your friends, you wouldn’t dream of using profanity in the company of adults, whether you knew them or not. RESPECT for self. RESPECT for others. (At least until they prove to you they don’t deserve it!) I walked past so many young folks this weekend and thought to myself, “WHO RAISED YOU?” The answer might be, NOBODY.
Social media, in my opinion has been a huge issue for those that grew up with it. But I don’t think social media is to blame for some of the things I have witnessed. And while I truly believe that chemicals permitted in our food have affected mental health, brains and behavior, I also believe that a lack of guidance has played a huge role in the misguided youth.
I do blame technology for the shrinking of their brains and social media for the lack of social skills, but who gave them the devices? PARENTS. (Sometimes to take the place of having to parent!) Who allowed devices in schools? We survived just fine without a phone in school. If you needed to call your mom, you went to the office. If your mom needed to reach you, she called the office, and they would come get you from class.
When I give you a $5 bill and you can’t make change without whipping out your phone, we have a serious problem! When “ur sentences r writn in text format…..” because you haven’t written anything in proper English or read anything in years, we have a problem! When ChatGPT is doing your homework and allowing you to cheat, you are not only cheating yourself, but you are cheating us all. We will all be affected when your dumb ass is running something!
Kids need to learn that you won’t always come out on top, and that’s okay. Losing is part of life. Things won’t always go your way, but guess what? You’ll survive. That’s resilience! One Christmas, I gave my granddaughter a bracelet that read, “Fall down seven times. Get up eight!” That pretty much sums it up.
Anyway, enough of my little parenting rant. What I really want to get into is how teaching resilience early on gives young adults the strength and tools they’ll carry for life. They need it more now, than ever! And how we as their elders, can help.
THE YOUNG ADULTS ARE CRACKING
Over the past few days, I’ve had several conversations with young adults in their twenties. Many of them young people of color, (although certainly not limited to young people of color!) around the same age my granddaughter would be. I found myself speaking to them the way I’d speak to her, with care, curiosity, and honesty.
These young people were intelligent, articulate, polite, and kind. Yes, they work in hospitality, and yes, being pleasant is technically part of their job, but let’s be honest, we’ve all been served by people who clearly didn’t want to be there and who were in the wrong profession. One told me she loved her work in hospitality, while others admitted that this was just a steppingstone and that they dreamed of more. For now, this was the only door open to them. Even if they are lucky enough to find a job, they certainly cannot live off the wages outside of mom’s basement or without six roommates. Some are depressed because they can’t find jobs. They feel like they are failing when in fact, they have been failed.
What struck me though, was the common thread woven through each of our conversations. There was a heavy sense of hopelessness. Anxiety. Worry. Fear.
Some of them had college degrees yet were stuck in jobs that barely paid the bills. They wondered if their dreams were slipping away. Not because they lacked talent or ambition, but because the world is shifting beneath their feet. AI is replacing entry-level jobs. Whole industries are being upended. It is no wonder these youngsters feel so hopeless.
One young woman was a singer but disheartened by the state of the music industry. As someone who has been involved in that industry for decades, she was right to feel that way. Record labels today demand that you already be successful before they’ll sign you, (and then do as little as possible) and when they do, they act more like predatory banks than partners. Sure, you can go the independent route, but then you’re competing with millions of songs released every day, buried in a flood of mediocrity at best. It’s like sifting through rocks and dirt looking for gold!
One young man I spoke with dreamed of becoming a voice actor. He had talent, drive, and a deep, rich voice. I even tried to connect him with a successful voice actor I knew. She had done very well for herself, but after reaching out to my contact in an attempt to connect him with someone who might be able to mentor him, I find out that after many years of success, she too was worried that her very voice could be copied by AI without her consent. Imagine hearing that as someone just starting out in your career, that the very dream you’re chasing might not even exist by the time you get there.
Between the crushing cost of living, stagnant wages, climate disasters becoming normal, political chaos, and a world that feels increasingly unstable, is it any wonder these young people feel overwhelmed? We fu*#ked up the planet. We weren’t waiting for tornadoes to lift our homes off the foundations (unless you lived in the Midwest) and floods that have increasingly become a normal thing because of global warming and a climate crisis which again, we played a role in. “I don’t mean me! But folks!” (My favorite line from the nurse in the movie Doc Hollywood.)
The grownups running the country, and parts of the world are crazy AF. The sane ones are hiding from the crazy ones. If the adults are living in fear, how do you think these young folks feel?
When I was their age, even as a single mother, I was full of ambition and hope. I believed opportunities were limitless. I didn’t wake up every day wondering if democracy would survive. Yes, the world had its problems, but there was still a sense that the future could be brighter.
Even in their twenties, these young folks still need our guidance. They need encouragement. They need someone older to look them in the eye and say, “I see you. You matter. Don’t give up.” That doesn’t always have to come from their parents. It can come from teachers, mentors, neighbors, church leaders, coworkers, or even strangers willing to take the time to listen and to share words of encouragement and hope. It can come from YOU!
My ass is old(ER), and I had to limit my consumption of the news because I too was starting to feel a sense of hopelessness. Hell, my generation would probably not have fared too well dealing with the issues our parents faced in the 40′, 50’s and 60’s. Many of these kids of color do not even understand that we didn’t always have civil rights and truth is, they’re trying to take us back to that time! But these youngsters need to know they have power. A difficult as it is, they need to remain hopeful, because what is the alternative?
Our generation has much to offer them. Too many young adults are growing up without hope. We can’t fix all their problems. We can’t singlehandedly change the economy, or stop climate change, or make student debt disappear. But we can remind them that they are not powerless. That our generation survived, adapted, and fought back and they can too.
We can all take the time to speak with and mentor these young folks These young adults need us to model resilience. They need us to share our wisdom, our lessons, and yes, even our failures. (We have all survived many a failure!) They need us to listen without judgment, to guide without controlling, and to believe in them when the world makes them doubt themselves.
Because the truth is: hopelessness spreads like a disease. But so does hope. And it’s on us, the older generation, to be the carriers of hope.
If you encounter a young person, take the time to encourage them. Ask them about their dreams. Share a resource. Offer your wisdom.
We truly have the power to help lift them up. And they need us now more than ever.