If you look up negativity in the dictionary, (Actually, does anyone even use a dictionary anymore? Did Webster go bankrupt?) you would discover the definition that sadly, best describes my state of mind of late. (Go ahead and Google?) I know it’s a temporary phase, but boy of boy, it’s an ugly one. It’s been a few weeks, but this past week was the icing on the cake! It was not buttercream, I assure you.
I know. I know. Instead of focusing on all the things that went wrong this past week, I should be focused on all the things that are right in my world. My daughter recovered from Covid WITH a preexisting condition! My granddaughter may have some residual effects that may or may not cost her an athletic scholarship, but I am confident she will recover fully. She’s still here and is one of the few loves of my life! That’s all that matters. School will get paid for. (But seriously, does anyone have a ski mask I can borrow?)
I woke up. I have a job. (Stressful and challenging as it has been over the past few weeks!) My bills are paid. Paid off would be better, but they’re paid. Whole bunch of folks can’t say that. I’m grateful. I have all my teeth, even if they aren’t the pearly whites they once were. (But let’s see how the oil pulling goes. If only I had all my brows….coming next week.)
As far as I know, I’m healthy, so I’m owning that. (Physically anyway. Hoping the missing brows are just age related and not thyroid related.) The thoughts I’ve had over the past 96 hours don’t feel all that healthy. It feels horrible to complain when so many others have it so much worse. I know it’s pointless to do so. But it’s also human. I’m human.
Negative thoughts just attract more of the same. It is a downward spiral for sure. I know that GRATITUDE is the answer. There is no point to dwelling on the folks you would like to hug tightly. (Your hands. Their neck.) Hell, I’m still recovering from the election. I stopped watching CNN nightly to avoid negative news. Not that I want to stick my head in the sand and ignore the events taking place in the world, I just don’t need to obsess over them. That said, it’s really no different than what took place in my head this past week. It was like I had CNN running in my head and all the bad news involved my life. I need to find a way to turn it off. Change the channel! At the very least, adjust the volume, but ideally, pull the plug. (Not on me! On negative thoughts!)
Some of you may REMEMBER when you had to get up to change the channel!
I needed to turn the thoughts into motivation. If I am unhappy with my circumstances, I need to focus on what it is that I want and less on what I don’t want. Fake it til you make it! If you don’t figure out how to do that, what you “don’t want” will stick with you for sure! I have to focus on where I’m going instead of where I am. (Broadway, here I come!)
Maybe I should pull out what my sister refers to as my magic notebook in which she swears that I write down predictions for the future. I can’t lie. Anyone that knows me knows there is ALWAYS a notebook in my purse. I don’t know about the magic part. There have been times I have written things down in it that magically appear a short time later leaving me scratching my head.
I believe in the laws of attraction. This negative energy doesn’t serve me or anyone else. I know these are common human feelings and emotions. It’s normal to have them. It’s unhealthy to hold on to them.
Typically, I exercise daily. It must really help with my moods and energy because when I don’t find time to exercise, I feel it! And not just physically – mentally and emotionally. If you are feeling crappy, I promise you, it helps!
My job has been extremely demanding lately. Long hours and high stress. I’m catching a little hell that should not have been thrown in my direction. I was trying to dodge it, but I caught a bit of it. It’s a situation where a there are too many hats and not enough heads to wear them. I haven’t been sleeping for fear I might miss a detail, and we all know that lack of sleep WILL have a negative impact on EVERYTHING. If you haven’t, please read my old post on the importance of sleep! It is amazing how shitty I feel when I’m not getting enough exercise or sleep. I know this is a huge part of the problem. I know when I lose a few of these hats, (NOT ALL OF THE HATS PLEASE!) I will make time again. I MUST.
So many hats! Not enough brains.
Slightly off topic, I completed a company survey earlier this week about how we feel about returning to the office. Honestly, sometimes I miss seeing some of the folks I work with. What I don’t miss is losing two hours a day to a commute! Those two hours are like having an additional day each week. And as you age, you welcome the illusion of more time. Time to do things you enjoy. Time for self-care! Those two hours allow me the time to research and write. Sometimes, it’s only an hour, because I swear you just end up working longer hours, but even if it doesn’t end up being more time, it eliminates the stress of being on the road with the crazies! You know the clowns doing 70mph in a 45 and weaving in and out of traffic as if nothing in life is more important than their destination! Not even YOUR LIFE! OR THEIRS! This week would have been much worse in the office. Everyone would have heard me cursing and the occasional scream. Or witnessed me in the parking lot kicking a tree.
Look, any time you wake up and just looking at your missing eyebrows starts you down the path of negativity, you’re in a bit of trouble. First thing I needed to do was to take responsibility for my feelings. Work on replacing the negative thoughts with the positive. Feelings of anger and frustration are often a signal that something needs to change! (Uh, a lot!)
If I can’t immediately change the situation, I need to change the thoughts about it. Maybe the person that was shitty to me is also having a bad week. Maybe she needs a hug. (Not the one that involved my hands and her neck!) Maybe he didn’t mean to drive the bus over me and then back up and run me over again. Maybe he was drinking!
Stewing in my own negativity soup can bring about some pretty serious health consequences and who has time for all of that. And especially now. Can’t have stress messing with my immune system with Delta running around!
The key is to identify the unhealthy thoughts and gently let them go. Confront them and release them. It’s okay to go there. You just can’t stay there. No one is up all the time. Pain and negative emotions are part of life and can be a catalyst for growth and resilience.
I feel bad that I did not get the time to research and write my original post about our aging eyes. (Which by the way, is the reason I screwed up a schedule, resulting in a passive aggressive email, leading me to the desire to hug someone way too tightly about the neck.) I’m a perfectionist. I am pretty hard on myself when I make mistakes. (Something else I need to work on!) I really don’t need anyone else to be hard on me! I do a fine job of it. In any event, I don’t like doing anything half-assed, so unfortunately, all I have for you is this rant on how this week I wanted to choke, I mean hug the living s*#t out of a few people!
Thankfully, it’s a new week. That week is over. Never to return. There was no failure. There were lessons. (Like who has your back vs. who has the knife ready to stab you in the back!)
I wanted to share this as a reminder that the thoughts we hold color our perceptions. The words we choose write our story. Change your thoughts and change your words. Today might suck. Last week might have sucked, but if we focus on the positive, we feel a lot better! For example, I will focus on the fact that I didn’t choke anyone and therefore I’m not going to jail. (Which I will never do unless someone harms on of my kids and then all bets are off) Because seriously, I can’t be anywhere where they don’t serve a good cabernet! Or a crisp sauvignon blanc when it’s hot!
I will focus on the fact that my job sent me to the ocean, if only for a few days with very little time to enjoy it. But the ocean always makes me feel better. Instant calm. I extended my trip for one day so I could do something good for me. Sit on the beach and do NOTHING. Had they not sent me, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to stay. I started the day by sticking my feet, instead of my head, in the sand.
Have a great week!
Peace, Love & Sandy Feet.
What you think you become.
What you feel you attract.
And What you imagine you create.
~Buddha