I was in the salon last week deliberating over the decision of what to do with my hair. I’m tired of coloring it. Basically, I’m bored with looking the same way for the past few years and feel like I need to make a change. (In almost every aspect of my life!)
I have been on the fence about the idea of letting myself go gray. I’m over the coloring and the coloring in. I’m over having folks talk to me and not look me in the eye, but instead, just staring at my part. They’re probably staring at it because I did a shitty job coloring it in. Or I have Wow powder on my forehead. Maybe I over-colored in and I’m rocking Eddie Munster vibes.
My hairstylist Daughter said, “Let’s just cut it all off and you can grow it in gray. “ Well, the idea of cutting it ALL off isn’t foreign to me as I’ve done it many times. It has been a while. I cut it all off in 2007 when I let a stylist in LA convince me I needed a mild relaxer. As a result, it started breaking off. I went back to Philly and let my Philly stylist at the time, just cut it all off. I actually loved it!
Back then, I could wear it short and natural and it would curl up nicely. But over the past few years, I have developed about four different hair textures on my head. Straight ends, wavy length, and a combination of nappy/tight roots. I’m not sure how crazy I would look with short and natural because long and natural looks an absolute mess! Two Summer ago, it was completely different, but menopause changes a lot of things! Hair is one of them!
I also work out a lot more and starting and running again after many years. The convenience of the ponytail is great. Once I cut it, that option is gone! But I can live with that. What REALLY scares me is the idea that I will be treated differently. That I will be denied opportunities.
Currently, people look at me and they know I’m grown, but they aren’t sure just how grown I am! (and again, that mask covers the parts most affecting by aging!)
But I don’t have time for ageism. Hell, I’m just beginning. I have some goals and dreams. Actually, I don’t even want to call them dreams. They are goals waiting to manifest. I started writing in 2006. I’ve finished at least five TV pilots and just as many feature film scripts. I’ve started at least a half dozen more. The goal is that one day and soon, one of them makes it to a screen. (Big screen. Little screen. Any damn screen!)
I’m actually rewriting a few to submit to some contests since it has been extremely difficult to get a foot in the door, even with the folks I know. (Okay, in all fairness, I’ve also been scared shitless to share them with the few folks that were willing to read.) I keep saying I’m going to take one more pass on it, but truth is, I’m probably never going to feel comfortable sharing with the pros! That said, if you haven’t heard the saying, I fully believe it to be true. I had it taped on my home office computer and I’m pretty sure I’ve included it in previous posts.
“Live begins just outside of your comfort zone.”
Hopefully, “life beginning” means new opportunities. But okay. Let’s say they read it, love it, and set me up for some meetings. What I fear is walking into a pitch meeting or any meeting with a full head of gray hair. (We aren’t all Mara Brock Akil, who I know wasn’t gray when she got her start! Although proudly sports it now!) Will I be taken seriously? Will they assume I don’t have the energy? Will they pre-judge based on my hair?
I’m sure there will be folks that think this is all so ridiculous, but “ageism” is quite real. While African Americans are making great strides in film and TV over the past year or two, and FINALLY getting some recognition and opportunities. I fear those same opportunities may be scarcer for someone both Black and Older! More often than not, you don’t see us on the screens because you don’t see us in the pitch meetings!
I recall listening to Nancy Meyers speak at the Director’s Guild in LA years back. She’s one of my favorites. She makes films for my demographic, who have been otherwise ignored! And she said, no matter how successful the last film was, she fought to get the next one made. (Somethings Gotta Give, It’s Complicated)
Why? Ageism.
We all know that ageism is real in Hollywood. I have written about this before.
Grace and Frankie were like a breath of fresh air! Although they have a few years on me, it was great to see Netflix present a series about two older women. It has been a long ass time since Golden Girls left the airwaves. Hopefully, my 2.0, 2021 version gets the right eyes on it.
Sadly, ageism described in the dictionary is as “prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age, “ just appears to be a socially acceptable bias. And we women get hit with a double whammy. We are discriminated against as women AND as aging women!
While I’m on the subject of ageism, I wanted to let you in on a really cool digital publication called Ageist. They have the most inspiring articles. I just love reading their publication and perhaps you will as well. https://weareageist.com
Dealing with the changes taking place in your body and on your face as you age is difficult enough, without having to fear discrimination or a lack of opportunity because you are perceived to be old! Because I got news for you! I know for sure, I could give some folks, a generation behind me a run for their money in every sense of the word! But allow me to have that opportunity!
Helen Garner wrote in her 2015 essay entitled The Insults of Age, “your face is lined, and your hair is gray, so they think you are weak, deaf, helpless, ignorant and stupid.”
In a short time, we grown folks are going to outnumber teens for the first time ever! There will be more of us than almost any other demographic. Ignore us if you want! This demographic shift needs to force everyone to reevaluate these assumptions about us. Because I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not weak, ignorant, stupid, helpless or deaf. (Even when I pretend not to hear you!)
That said, hear this! Don’t look at us and decide we are of little value and have nothing to offer! That we should go sit quietly in a corner and wait to die!
Don’t judge me by the color of my skin, or the color of my hair!