My Black is NOT Cracking.

Her post title. “You got this?” There are days when I’m not sure about that! I asked my good friend and an actual psychologist to write a guest post this week so I could get a little break. It now feels like I was trying to get a free session out of her! I can’t lie, before the impeachment hearings and the pandemic and the Murder of George Floyd, and then the election, I really made a point NOT to watch the news. I got a tad addicted to CNN during the first impeachment hearing (The first! Crazy!) and then being home all day during the lockdown, I developed the bad habit of not turning the TV off! (Which is very unlike me since I love quiet!) The highlight of the evening became hearing Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon profess their undying love for one another. It was the one thing you could smile about. The rest of the news was plain torture. It’s only gotten worse!

Prior to that, I read the headlines in the AM before checking email and read about what I NEEDED TO KNOW. I never watched the news at night. I don’t think anyone should! Not exactly great for sleeping. I mean, how often is there any GOOD NEWS! Oh, how I miss my blissful ignorance! Selfish as it may seem, I miss only worrying about my kids, my health, my job(s), my credit score, and attempting to do my part to save the planet.

For many of us, 2020 took us over the top. Between our financial fears and pandemic fears, it was all just too much. Now throw in your everyday worries, and speaking for myself, it was overwhelming. I’ve become irritable, short-tempered, impatient, and constantly feeling like someone was hugging me too tightly. (Someone probably should!) The good news is I recognize it, so now that I’m aware, I know I have to address it. IT, being anxiety. So, when I asked Barb if she would write a guest post, I asked that she write about anxiety. I know I cannot be alone here. I hope that this post helps anyone else that might be dealing with any level and any sort of anxiety.

You Got This – Calming Your Thoughts

By Barb Fotsch

Have you ever had someone say to you… “Don’t worry! You just need to face your fears?”

Okay. It’s just that simple…..Well, no, not that simple if you suffer from anxiety. Compared to the middle ages, we obviously don’t face the same dangers but oddly enough, the fight, flight or freeze responses are still with us. We all know what anxiety looks or feels like, at least a little bit. This article is NOT, however, an explanation of a true anxiety disorder but rather a discussion of symptoms we can reduce for better emotional regulation, that is, to be less reactive, less overwhelmed.

Anxiety becomes a threat when our body reacts as if the danger is real. Most of us may agree…..even in the everyday, our mind creates dangers. Some of us do that through:

• –  Over generalizations
• –  All or nothing thinking
• –  Jumping to conclusions
• –  Personalizing
• –  Labeling and mislabeling
• –  Mind reading
• –  Worst case scenario

And so on…do you do any of these? Well….not helpful. As a counselor, I talk with so many clients who suffer from their thoughts – not FACTS – just thoughts which can actually become habits. You may have a back story or narrative that suggests a reason for anxiety to present, but most experts believe it is the present that holds the key. There are daily circumstances that upset us, there always will be….may-be not a pandemic, but life is full of complications. So how do we minimize this disruptive energy of anxious thinking and worry. The following content offers some very basic techniques to turn down the dial of irrational thinking…..yes, irrational, not based on evidence/facts. Many people who worry, imagine the worst case scenario. If that is you, try this exercise. Write down a worry.

Example: I am not good at my job

What’s the best case scenario? I get feedback from the boss that my work is excellent What’s the worst case? I get fired
What’s likely to happen? I get both compliments and suggestions

The point here is obvious….worst case scenario is unlikely, so counter your thoughts with something more likely to happen.

Anxiety-Producing Thought	Rational Counterstatement
I can’t go to the party with my hair like this–everyone will notice me.	Example: My hair looks messy, but everyone will be too occupied with other things to notice. Even if they do notice, I doubt they would care.
I won’t be able to finish the project by the end of the week.
I can’t face my sister. She’s going to yell at me for forgetting the dessert.

Other simple techniques to try:

Stay in the present

• Learn/use mindfulness skills. Be aware of your thoughts & emotions in the moment without judgement. (Kabat-Zin, J. Full Catastrophic Living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind. NY:Delacorte)
•  

Use self affirming thoughts

• Don’t sit with negative thoughts, they are not helpful. Move on; use self validations 
•  

Create a distraction plan

• Pay attention to your senses:  smell, sight, hearing, taste, touch. This can be done in the moment at home or away from home. The only requirement is awareness
• Exercise. Learn effective breath work and relaxation techniques
• Imagine alternative outcomes to your fears
• Remind yourself of prior successes in similar situations

Challenge your thoughts if you overestimate negative outcomes. The thing is…..only YOU can control your thoughts, so this requires effort and investment on your part.

Anxiety symptoms will NOT make you go CRAZY. Symptoms will disappear and they are controllable. The suggestion here is – lean into it. Worries are part of the landscape and we can get past the rough patches.  

You Got This!