I’ve been thinking a lot about time. And, not to sound all doom and gloom, just thinking about prioritizing what’s left of my time.
It was just June! How is it October? Where did the time go? I find myself obsessing over time.
I mean, let’s just say I expect to live to be 90. Not an unrealistic expectation if I take care of myself. (100 isn’t crazy!) But let’s be conservative and go with 90. That means I have a total of 4680 weeks in my life. I’ve used about 3100 already and it feels like the last 60 weeks (hell years!) flew by!
My biological clock is ticking. Everyone’s is. Thank goodness, it hasn’t stopped. Real talk. When it’s Friday and everyone else is excited, I’m actually a little sad because the week flew by. So many of us live for the weekends. We’ve done that dumb shit most of our lives. Why? Most of us are or have been living for Saturday because we don’t enjoy Monday through Friday. Again, why? Because we don’t enjoy how we spend our time. Most just don’t enjoy their work. And since we spend the majority of our lives working, that’s pretty sad.
I know this because, for many years, I too waited for the weekends. Then one day, I finally figured out that I needed to find a way to schedule some joy and self-love into my day EVERY DAY. I knew I needed to figure out how to at least enjoy part of the day, daily! I made the decision to get a little stingy with my time and put myself at the top of my daily to-do list.
I started getting up early so that I could take walks, work out, write and sometimes just sit quietly. The first three hours of my day were mine and I refused to let anyone steal them from me. I rarely, if ever answered the phone. I never checked email, and at the time, wasn’t on any social media platforms. My focus was on doing things that I loved for at least part of my day, while I worked on making them a full-time reality.
I believe with my whole heart, when you are doing something you love, it’s not work. When you wake up every day excited about the possibilities, you don’t give a shit what day of the week it is. Now I admit, I still looked forward to Saturdays because I had the whole day to do what I wanted to do for myself. I made sure I did my grocery shopping during the week, so at best, I might be hitting a farmer’s market, which for me was never a chore. Anyone that has read my posts, knows that I love the farmer’s market.
But back to time. I’ve been obsessing over time for a few months now. Probably all year. I started thinking about how we used to have this large clock on the kitchen wall in my house for years. (You know, the house I loved that still can’t believe I don’t live in! I know. Don’t look back.) It was the loudest clock ever and it annoyed the hell out of me. You know the kind of clock that you would see on the classroom wall in school. The nonstop clicking of that 2nd hand drove me insane. I wanted to rip it off the wall, but it was one of the few things I allowed my husband to contribute to my domain. (The kitchen!)
I hated that clock. It was interfering with my peace and quiet. The only sounds I wanted to hear were the birds and the stream outside my door. Okay, Kay. You’ll have peace again. You’ll have peace again. You’ll have a real kitchen again. Breathe!
Anyway. Back to that loud ass clock. That’s how I currently feel about my biological clock. It is super loud right now. I hear it ticking all day, every day and once again, it’s driving me nuts. It’s drowning out my peace and quiet. (Internally that is! Because where I am right now, for damn sure isn’t peaceful and quiet in terms of external noise…… Kay. You’ll have peace again. You’ll have peace again.) But lately, it is louder than my thoughts. Above all else, I hear that damn clock ticking. In all honesty, it’s causing me to experience a little anxiety.
And while I try to slow it down physically, (Hell, turn it back to the degree that it is possible! And it is.) unlike a clock during daylight savings time, there is no setting It back. And since kicking the bucket isn’t an option, (too much left to do here!) I need to accept the fact that there’s really nothing I can do to change the fact that in 19 more weeks, I will be 506, 880 hours old! Do the math. If you are under the age of 35, you should still be capable without the use of an electronic device.
I was listing to the Marie Forleo Podcast and something that she said just really hit home in a big way. I would have to listen again for the exact words, but it was about being true to yourself. And about deciding and committing to the number one thing that matters most to you. And then organizing your life around getting it done without stress, overwhelm, or burnout! A tall order perhaps.
So, what do I do with my 1580 or however many hours I might have left? (If I keep stressing the hell out, it will be a lot less.) Here’s what I should do:
Whatever the hell makes me feel alive!
Aging is a privilege. Every day is an opportunity to fulfill dreams and goals or at least take steps in the direction of goals and dreams. In doing so, our “me” time should be so exciting and energizing that we lose all track of time. (Before and after your day job, if you have one, that is!) For me, I just have to focus more on the dreams and less on the ticking clock! The clock is a distraction I do not need.
Truth is, time is flying and it feels the older you get, the faster it goes. None of us knows how many more hours we have, so we can’t waste them, counting them!
That said, try to enjoy the moment you are in. Dreams of the future are great, but it is important to find some enjoyment in the “now.” Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, so don’t waste your now, fretting about the past or worrying about the future. There’s no time like the present. Don’t wait for Friday to enjoy life. Don’t procrastinate on pursuing those dreams of whatever it is that makes you happy and present!
I can’t stop the clock from ticking. (Well, I can, but I don’t plan to! You know what I mean.) Aging is inevitable. We don’t have to waste our hours on meaningless crap, or people who suck the life out of us. Time is our most precious commodity. Use it wisely. It’s non-renewable!
So, ask yourself, what will you do with your hours? Drop it in the comments!
I personally need to look at the bright side. If I hadn’t been here for those 3100 hours, I would have a helluva lot less to write about! And boy do I have some STO-RIES!
Coming to a stage and/or a bookshelf near you.
Well, I hope a bookshelf! I sincerely hope Bezos (aka Amazon) doesn’t kill all the bookstores!