It’s been a rough few weeks. I don’t know who this Murphy character is or why he has a law (And I didn’t really care enough to do the research.) but that law certainly seemed to fit my life experiences of late. “If anything can go wrong, it will.”
If you read my recent posts, then I don’t have to go into the professional situation. On the personal, helped someone who in turn, kinda sorta screwed me over. The State of NJ is kinda sorta screwing me over. But the biggest current screw-over is related to a property that I purchased.
I did the right thing prior to purchase and had it inspected. The purpose of the inspection is to determine what the major issues are so that you can make an informed purchase, renegotiate, or walk away! Based on the report, I moved forward with the purchase with no further negotiation because all the issues were issues I expected and had factored into my offer.
When I recently commenced with some cosmetic-only remodeling, I discovered that the report had incorrect info. The inspector stated that the house had Romex wiring when it in fact had old hazardous knob and tube wiring. The type of wiring that was so old, no mortgage company would finance a home that has it. As a result, the house has to be completely rewired. To add insult to injury (serious injury) the inspectors agreement allows him to screw up and cost me a S%*T ton of money, while limiting his liability to twice the inspection fee. Let’s just say about the equivalent of 6% of the cost of the needed rewiring! (insert red-faced emoji here!) I have to come up with the other 94%.
So, I started thinking after these few weeks, (hell few years!) and was “Like okay, WTF? Did I murder babies and puppies in a past life? The list of crappy experiences is a tad long and seems to get longer every week. And while it’s important not to focus on them, it’s kinda hard not to. I was so mad. I tossed and turned all night. And what did that solve? Nada. The only person that suffered was me when I was exhausted the next day and struggling to accomplish ANYTHING. My anger didn’t keep his ass up all night. He probably slept like a baby. (Despite his gross negligence which TWO licensed electricians confirmed.) The faulty wiring was visible. He screwed up big time! But my continuing to be angry wasn’t affecting him.
My anger about all the crappy shit happening wasn’t affecting any of the folks that were on the other end of the transactions. Anger only hurts the person carrying it around!
Apparently, based on the experiences I’ve been attracting into my life, perhaps it’s not just the house that needs rewiring! Perhaps my brain needs a bit of rewiring. Yes, I believe it is possible. Yes, I believe in quantum physics and science, and global warming! (Obviously, I’m a democrat! And no, they don’t murder puppies or babies either!) So, no, I don’t think it’s some big conspiracy to take me down! That the universe is trying to make me lose my mind! But maybe I need to. Maybe it’s time to lose it and get a better model or at least do some repairs.
Just like that house, old wiring in your brain can be hazardous to your health and wellbeing. I think we are totally responsible for a lot of what happens to us based on the way we think. Our brains, or our subconscious, (not to get to woo-wooey) are a record of our past. Positive thoughts are not going to be enough when you have negativity memorized. Wanting things, while believing yourself unworthy is like fighting a losing battle. Positive thinking is good, but if it doesn’t result in positive feelings, you have some work to do!
Every thought you have results in the production of a chemical reaction in the brain and that affects your body in the way of feelings. (As well as some pretty major health consequences!) Happy thoughts produce happy feelings. The way you think combined with the way you feel creates your state of being. My state of being lately and probably longer than “lately” has not been great.
Same thoughts lead to the same behavior. Same behavior leads to the same experiences. Same experiences lead to the same results. Thinking about struggle only brings more. Its what becomes our story. It becomes the way we perceive the world. Habitual, memorized behaviors are functioning behind the scenes. We create this negative perception reaffirming our belief that life just sucks for us! The pattern is imprinted on our brains like some old vinyl record. Unlike that vinyl record, which might contain some really great music, (prior to 1980 of course) our brains are a recording of our past. (The Good. The Bad. The Ugly!) The recording contains things that we learned, (right or wrong!) and things we have experienced. The recording becomes our identity.
If we believe that it can never be easy, (Which is something I hear myself saying to myself all the damn time!) it won’t! I had a feeling that there was going to be an issue. I expected there to be a problem. Why? Because I was thinking negative thoughts that I was going to somehow end up getting screwed. And guess what happened? I did! But did I?
Another house just sold nearby which is a great comp for me. It was somewhat updated, but in much better condition. But now that I have the walls open, I may as well open the ceiling and put in recessed lighting. Despite the additional and unexpected expense, it will still be a good investment based on the comp. Had I not torn out the walls, I would have never known that is had dangerous wiring. I would have never been able to sell it without rewiring it! (Meaning, I would have had to tear out and repair the walls later when I could have just done it now instead of paying for the same crap twice!) It may have caught fire, and someone might have been hurt or worse!
Does it change the situation that I’m stuck with the unexpected expense and that the inspector got away with doing a shitty job? Nope? But if I focus on those positive things I mentioned above, it makes me feel a little better about it. It makes me less angry, which only hurts me anyway. That dude is somewhere barbecuing steaks not giving a damn about my anger.
If I stop thinking about the debt that will result, and focus on the investments and assets that I have gained in exchange for the debt, I feel better. The debt generated assets. Even with the extra expense. The debt didn’t generate liabilities. Debt keeps me up at night. I do NOT LIKE OWING. I’m sure I’m not alone there. Debt has been giving me serious anxiety lately and that’s not healthy. But I could look at it this way. I’m simply paying for my assets which in turn, will eventually pay me back by paying for my overhead. If I look at it less like debt, but an investment in my future, I feel better. Perception creates reality.
The bottom line is I have definitely been, as Iyanla Vanzant put it, basement dwelling. You know. Feeling like a victim. Focusing on every unpleasant thing that has ever happened to me in my life! Maybe the universe gives us exactly what we feel we are worthy of receiving. In her book, “In The Meantime”, she talks about how sometimes it’s childhood programming. (Faulty wiring) Repeating things we’ve heard or seen as children. “You must take a moment to examine what you are thinking” and as a result, feeling. Become aware of old patterns and reactions. Choose a new reaction “or course of action. Modify your behavior. In other words, it’s time for some rewiring!
A good place to start is to raise your expectations. Lose the lies you’ve been believing. (Which might take some digging, extra attention, or therapy!) Envision and expect the best. Have a clear vision of what you want. Have a clear intention. Then use your imagination. We all have one. Think you don’t because you don’t paint, or write, or compose music? Imagine biting into a lemon. You’re mouth watered, didn’t it? Imagination.
Picture how you want things to be in your mind. Imagine how it will feel when things go your way or when you get what you desire. Rehearse those thoughts and feelings daily! It takes serious practice. Commit to feeling better. If the thoughts are strong enough, the feelings will follow. Visualize the outcome through ANY and ALL obstacles.
You cannot create a new future living in the past. You can’t turn on reruns of an old show and expect it to end differently!
So, while I have to pay for the rewiring of the house with cold hard cash, or more debt, rewiring my brain and the way I’ve been thinking, can be paid for with time, focus, and effort! (No credit card required!)
Amen!