My Black is NOT Cracking.

I was online last weekend looking at tiny homes.  As if.  My current closet could double as a tiny home!

I also watched a Netflix doc on minimalism.  Basically, it’s about rediscovering or discovering the important things in life. (Getting rid of the rest!) And while I have no desire to live out of a backpack with 7 pairs of drawers with a red pair to separate the dirty from the clean, I do have to say that I’ve given quite a bit of thought lately to the subject of excess.  Excess stuff.  Excess everything!

My “stuff” is currently in three places.  Some of it is in the basement of my “primary residence.”  Some of it is in the basement of my rental property.  Some of it is in storage in LA.  I have no idea what is where and I haven’t known for almost a year now.   It is upsetting not knowing where your “stuff” is for a year.  Stuff you worked hard to acquire.  Stuff you took the time to select.  The question is, why?  Some of that stuff has been in boxes since 2017!  That’s four years without my “stuff.”  If I haven’t seen it in four years, do I need it?  (Did I ever?)

I miss my cookbooks more than anything because I referred to them often. I read cookbooks like other folks read novels.  I miss my kitchen equipment, but since I don’t currently have what I consider to be a real, functional kitchen, I have no place for most of it.  And yet, I’ve eaten great, healthy meals without my kitchen “stuff.”  Yes, tools matter for sure.  The right tools make the job so much easier.  The right tools are timesavers! But, I managed to eat, and eat well.

So, I got to thinking about “stuff.”  And the stress that I have experienced, from being separated from my “stuff,” that I obviously do not need.  But, why?

I have also been missing the house I sold in 2016.  I loved my house.  I shed many a tear and a whole bunch of sweat renovating that house over a 15-year period to get it to the house that I dreamed of. But when I think about it, I miss the location even more than the house because it was PEACEFUL. I can’t say that I’ve had that kind of peace since selling.  So, do I miss the house, or do I just miss peace? The house was too big.  It was close to 4000 sq ft and 2800 of those were only used for an annual party or semiannual entertaining.  I spent more time on the deck, than I did in the house. 

That tells me that I don’t need 4000 sq feet of house and what matters most to me is peace and outdoor space, not interior square footage.  It wasn’t the size.  It was the location.  I don’t miss a big house full of stuff.

The bigger the house, the bigger the headache.  More isn’t always better. Sometimes, it’s just more.  Half the house would have cost half the money when the roof needed replacing!  That extra cost could have stayed in my bank account and paid for my Martha’s Vineyard Rental for a few weeks! (Something that would have given me pleasure and great memories.)  Not that not having a roof leak wasn’t a good thing! But you get the point.  I spent a whole lot of money on space I never used!  Most of it, storing “stuff!”  Stuff cost money!  Lots of stuff, can cost lots of money.  Storing stuff costs lots of money.  I had stuff in storage for 7 years.  I could have bought all new stuff from the storage payments alone.  But I wanted my stuff!

But is there a greater cost to “stuff” than just buying it?  What is the actual price tag for excess? More stuff to worry about? What is wrong with so many of us that we are trying to fill up our lives with excess stuff?  And the more stuff we get, the more stuff we want.  The bigger the house, the more stuff we need to fill it!

Why has excess suddenly become “need?” Why do we THINK we need so much? Why do we need hair down to our knees and eye lashes that can generate hurricane-force wind when we blink?  Why do we need nails long enough to scratch our ankles from a standing position?  Why do we need asses we can set our drinks on? (I’m referring to extreme implants only.)

Even current styles center around the extreme. How big does an ass need to be?  (Ok fellas, don’t answer that!) How long does hair need to be?  What’s with the Rapunzel syndrome? (No lie. Watched a chick give herself whiplash because she closed her hair in the car door and tried to walk away!) Do we not feel beautiful without long hair, excess nails, and eyelashes? When did Bozo the clown hair color and hooker couture become a fashion statement?  Is it because we NEED attention? Lots and lots of attention! (Or we feel the need to follow every trend no matter how ridiculous. Not that in the 70’s our giant afros might not be considered the equivalent!) Do we not feel fulfilled or happy without a house full of stuff and a shit ton of attention?  (Yes, styles change, and I know I’m showing my age, but the clown thing…….is it just me? Really ya’ll?)

Here’s another example of wanting something I didn’t need. Excess apartment. When I was looking at apartments, I said, “well, I have to have a 2^nd bedroom in case people visit.  I have to have a place for them to sleep.”  It was the leasing agent that said, “we have guest apartments.  No need to pay for an extra room all year that you might use three weeks out of the year, if that!  Just rent the guest apartment when you have visitors.”  I did the math.  He was right.  I had a guest for exactly one week that year.  I save thousands because I didn’t get more than I needed! 

Now when I started working at home it made sense because it was great to have a separate workspace.  And I was saving money on not having a commute.  It paid for itself! Sometimes, more makes sense.  Sometimes, it’s just more.  That extra rent went into the bank and became savings and cushion which in turn, reduced stress!  Plus, I used some of that money to get a stress-reducing massage a few times a month! 

Excess is costly.  Excess is clutter.  Clutter causes stress!  And we all know by now that stress is prematurely aging us all.

Stuff isn’t just physical weight.  It’s emotional weight.  It’s literally baggage! And you know as a matter of fact, I’m tired of calling it stuff and prefer to just call it what most of it is.  SHIT!  I think I will.

I helped my friend clean out her basement this past weekend.  She was getting rid of stuff, and I was reminded of how I felt when I got a dumpster to get rid of excess stuff that accumulated in the garage before selling the house.  There was just so much SHIT!  Just looking at it was exhausting.  It felt amazing looking at that dumpster full of crap we hadn’t used or needed for years.  The garage was clean and neat, and you no longer had to waste VALUABLE time rummaging through crap looking for one of the few things you actually needed!   

How many times have you searched frantically for something, totally freaking out, and stressed out trying to find it?  Purging is a great feeling.  Lightening your load has tremendous benefits.

What about how we accumulated so much stuff in the first place?  We spend a lot of time on the hunt.   Chasing “things.”  Things we believe will make us happy.  Often, we become a slave to those things.  Success, sadly seems to be measured by the number of “things”, or how much “stuff” we have.  And it never seems to be enough.  There is a constant craving for more. 

TV and social media certainly don’t help.  They are constantly showing us everyone else’s stuff.  Celebrities posing in mansions and next to cars that you can’t even really drive here in this country. (Legally)  There is no road in the US that I’m aware of that you can drive 120 miles per hour on! 

Hey, if you want it and can afford it, you should have it.  Not hating on anyone.  That is not the purpose of this post. There is nothing wrong with being able to afford what you want!  It’s just never a good idea to compare yourself to others to the point that you feel bad. It’s also not a good idea to try to constantly obtain things so that you can feel better about yourself.   It doesn’t work!  Look at the number of wealthy, but miserable folks out there.  You can’t fill a hole in yourself with “stuff.” There’s nothing wrong with doing or living well, but living well should be about how you feel, and not the number of “things” you have acquired. 

And speaking of things we acquire! Real talk. Things are cheaper because they aren’t made like they used to be.  The quality in most cases is not there. So, because it’s cheaper, we buy more of it.  “It was so cheap, I bought six!”

Outside of designer and couture, clothing is cheap because much of it is made in sweat shops.  Unsustainable.  We trash things when they are no longer fashionable, rather than unusable. And manufacturers and marketers control what is fashionable.  They constantly change the styles, so you must buy more to keep up!  I have always been someone who wore what they liked or wanted to and paid a little less attention to trends. 

But marketers have most of us chasing these trends, and making us feel as if we are out of style. We might not get rid of it, but we stop wearing it.  WE often just end up with too much shit and when we do get rid of things, they end up in a landfill.  (And then we replace it!) And let’s talk about how the making of all this crap is affecting our planet.  Think about all of the energy and fuel used to make all this stuff we don’t need! Think about the time, energy, and money spent repairing all this mess! All these things are polluting our planet.

As humans we have strong attachments to objects.  We live in a materialistic society. We chase status symbols.  We want to look the part.  It doesn’t help that we cannot escape being advertised to.  It’s everywhere!  TV.  The phone.  Bus stops.  Restaurant bathrooms! Taxis.  Sporting events.  Billboards. You see all the new things these companies insist that you MUST have.  We are fooled into believing that we need these things.  We need more! You must have the newer model. You need. Need. Need.  Need. You need things that didn’t exist years ago, that suddenly we can’t live without, and yet we did, for like, forever! (You know like back when we could count!)

I’m a big fan of recycling. Not just plastic, but clothing.  All things.  So, even if you do want things, (and of course we all do) look for things that have been recycled, and repurposed.  Recycle and repurpose you own stuff or donate it to someone that will!  Hell, donate to folks that are in need.  You help them and you get to feel good!  You can also make some money selling your excess stuff!  YARD SALE!  Consignment.  There are a number of websites that make getting rid of crap easy!

It is certainly okay to have stuff.  Some things add value to your life.  Some things bring you joy and make you feel good.  Some simplify life! I’m not suggesting you get rid of all your things. I won’t ever suggest anyone do anything I haven’t done.  (Or intend to do!) 

The message is sometimes you can do more with less.  You can have less debt.  This may mean you can work less and have more time.  As a result, you can have less stress and a potentially longer, healthier life!

Bigger isn’t always better.  And more isn’t always better!  Sometimes, it’s just more!

Too much of anything can be unhealthy. 

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