My Black is NOT Cracking.

• TO HEAL

• To look in the mirror and see myself again and not just see Noodle’s Mom Mom. (Although I will always claim that title like the badge of honor it is!)

• To be as generous with myself as I have been with others.  Allow myself quiet time to heal.  Give myself (and others) the permission to cry. To give others the space and room to manage their own grief.

• Ask myself what I want and need from myself and others and get over the fear of asking.

• Surround myself regularly with those that understand the pain and share my feelings of not just loss, but of a shared love.  To be with those that do not require me to censor my feelings. To be with those that can share our thoughts and our pain openly and honestly. But also to celebrate her life.

• Carry more happy memories and less pain and guilt.  Accept that I am human and the feelings I have are normal. It takes time to recover from such a shock and loss. Parental grief is not only mental, but physical and takes longer to recover from than ANY other type of loss. (Psychological fact. PLEASE do not keep calling me to talk about your second cousin to the third power!  Or your hamster. I am so over the grief-off competition.)

• To not be bitter and angry.  To not look at families with longing, sadness, and jealousy. To not envy happy people.

• To keep my girl alive in our hearts and celebrate her.  She is still part of our spiritual family.  The body is gone.  The spirit is still with us.  She is still part of the universe.

• Acceptance that life is forever changed, but to survive the loss. To find moments of peace and happiness and allow them to expand into hours, days and weeks.

• Be grateful for the 21 years of pure joy.  To appreciate that she lived more in 21 years than I’ve lived in 60! Reclaim the ambition, drive and bravery she demonstrated daily! (I used to be her. I seemed to have lost that part of myself.)

• To seek help if I find it impossible to manage the pain on my own and encourage those that I love to do the same.

• MORE – Eat more greens.  Take more walks.  More Meditation.  Lift more weights.  To convince more of the folks I love to do the same. Create more opportunities to share my gifts with the world.

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Photo by engin akyurt