My Black is NOT Cracking.

I remember the first time I heard Shirley Horn sing, “Here’s to Life.  Although it was recorded in 1992, I’m sure it was a good ten years later that I heard it.  It was as if she was singing those lyrics directly to me.  Those words spoke to me like a great song has a tendency to do.  Buried inside the lyrics of a great song, you should always discover a universal message.  In this case, “keeping it moving!”

The first few lines I believe go…

No complaints and no regrets
I still believe in chasing dreams and placing bets
But I have learned that all you give is all you get
So give it all you got

I heard it again recently in the car and I started thinking about regrets.  It’s spring.  Time to plant new seeds and watch things grow.  I think I need to plant some new seeds and not just in the herb garden!  (In my mind!)

I was thinking about “springing forward,” and how it’s not just about resetting clocks and losing an hour of sleep.  But, about resetting our thinking.  Refocusing on the present and some dreams of the future, rather than the past and regrets.  Planting new positive thoughts.

I find myself thinking way too much about the past.  Thinking about mistakes and bad decisions I’ve made.  I feel guilty about a few of those.  Major guilt. (No, I didn’t kill anyone and bury them in the yard! Wasn’t that bad! Although, I don’t feel the least bit guilty for considering it a few times! shhhhh!)  But I regret the choices that I made that affected others.  I wonder how had I made a different choice, how things might have been different (or better) for them.  I regret not being a better mother.  And as much as I try to make up for it now, can you really make up for it?  I don’t think so.  I’ve also been thinking about all the time and energy I wasted in unhealthy relationships.   Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

Regrets are inevitable, but dwelling on them is unhealthy.  Regrets can be painful and dare I say, useless.  We must accept and forgive ourselves for our past mistakes.  And if we cannot do that, we should talk to someone who can help us to do so.  We should not continue to punish ourselves for things that we cannot change.

Instead, we need to try to focus on the good decisions and choices we made. (Come on!  You had to have made a few of those!) If you haven’t made very many good ones, focus on those you will start making TODAY.  Some days I think to myself, “Wow, if I had a dime for every bad decision and mistake……” We must learn to use those mistakes as lessons.  Just allow them to teach us to be better.

“In the end, the treasure of life is missed by those who hold on and gained by those who let go.” – Lao Tzu

You can only go in one direction at a time.  The past cannot be undone.  We can change nothing about it.  As long as you are living in the past, it is impossible to be in the present.  While we dwell on missed opportunities behind us, we miss out on the new opportunities in front of us.  Right now!

I saw a great IG post recently that said, “Don’t look back.  You’re not going that way.”

Forgive yourself and keep it moving.  I’m guessing many of us find it so much easier to forgive others than we do ourselves.  I know I do.  Those of us punishing ourselves for our mistakes and dwelling on them need to STOP.   “Just STOP!”

(In my Maurice White, “All About Love,” voice.)

“Cause I’m gonna rap to you.  You know they say, there’s beauty in the eyes of the beholder, which I say is a natural fact, because you are as beautiful as your thoughts, right on?”

Come on now, Lao Tzu!  You have some competition!  Don’t sleep on Maurice’s words of wisdom.

“Regret is a decision-related emotion that arises when a chosen outcome is or is BELIEVED to be, worse than a non-chosen alternative. The behavioral consequences of regret include both risk aversion and risk-taking, decision avoidance, and non-optimal decision making.”

“Enduring negative emotions like regret may have a negative impact on psychological and physical health. Chronological age decreases time to undo the consequences of a decision.”

You know what else decreases along with chronological age? Time to waste on regrets and mistakes. So, as ole’ girl said, (which went hilariously viral,) “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

So, to close I will leave you with a few more words from Shirley’s Here’s to Life, written/composed by Artie Butler……

There’s no yes in yesterday
And who knows what tomorrow brings or takes away
As long as I’m still in the game
I want to play 

May all your storms be weathered.
And all that’s good, get better.

Here’s to life.
Here’s to love.
Here’s to you!