My Black is NOT Cracking.

I am desperately trying to get back to my weekly posts, but for the past few days, (actually for over a week now) I have been experiencing some chest pains. I started thinking about a post that I had written a while back on broken heart syndrome. I mean, my heart is definitely broken. Could this be what’s happening to me?  It actually frightened me to the point where on several occasions I popped a baby aspirin and started the breathing exercises I had learned supposedly immediately lower blood pressure. My daughter and my grandson need me, so I figure I need to get to the bottom of what’s going on.

I have finally resumed exercising on a more consistent basis and I’m trying to get back into the routine of walking. The other big thing that had recently been stressing me out was getting my taxes filed!  Once they were filed, there should have been some relief. Having recently moved, I was concerned that I might be missing some documents or possibly unable to locate them to get my taxes filed accurately and on time. Of course, there was also the anxiety of what that tax bill might look like which kept me up for a few weeks. But that was behind me! So, what gives?

I started contemplating what could be causing these chest pains.  It’s possible they could very well be related to either grief, stress or anxiety. I mean, I did just move, and moving is always stressful.  Throw in the fact that I purchased an over-priced money pit with numerous issues, and you definitely have a recipe for stress!

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Then it hit me.  I thought about the fact that I had resumed my nightly habit of watching CNN and reading the headlines during dinner. I mean, the news has been depressing AF, and the consequences of this forthcoming election are quite scary. I realized that for the past few weeks I had been glued to the news and concerned about the potential hell that could ensue no matter what the outcome.  I think the Paul Pelosi attack pushed it over the edge.  Every time you think it cannot possibly get worse, without fail, it does!  WTF?  Even worse than the attack has been the response from the nut bags.  Scary times indeed.

Back in early spring when I was watching CNN every evening while having dinner, I quickly concluded that it was causing a great deal of stress.  I made the conscious decision to scale way back with my viewing. Quite frankly after my granddaughter’s accident I can’t say I gave a shit about anything else going on in the world. All I knew was that my world had fallen apart, so I rarely, if ever, watched the news in the months that followed.  (That is, until a few weeks ago!)

Curiosity triggered thoughts and more research about emotions and why they matter.  I was somewhat aware from prior research of how they can affect us physically and biologically. Rather than just having concern for my physical fitness, I knew I had better start paying attention to my emotional fitness as well.

As humans, it’s completely natural to experience a range of emotions.  These include pain and pleasure, as well as the more unpleasant emotions such as anger, resentment, hate, worry, anxiety, and fear.  (Hmmm.  That negative emotion list is a lot longer, isn’t it?) And, while it is normal to experience negative emotions on occasion, (or even daily for brief periods of time) chronically remaining in a negative emotional state, drives stress hormones into our bodies. The increase of cortisol (a stress hormone) causes inflammation to increase, while immune function decreases.  Stress can result in damage to your organs including your heart! All bad. 

So, let’s examine. I have to admit, I’m stuck in the anger phase of grief.  And if I’m being honest, sometimes I feel a bit of resentment when I see folks happily stroll by me with their kids.  (Yes, I’m resuming my grief counseling which I didn’t have the time or resources to continue.  Lucky for me, my therapist has offered her services for free!) Hate, an emotion that only hurts the person carrying it around was new to me until the period of 2016-2020.  I’m working on that too.  (Again, I know it only hurts the person carrying it!) Worry?  Pointless, but a habit I’ve had all my life.  My mother spent a great deal of time dealing with mental and physical illness, so I worried daily about her. I now worry about my daughter, my grandson, the country, and the planet! 

All legit! But, what is worry? Worry is me expecting a negative outcome and a really bad habit.  I need to shift focus and try expecting a positive outcome.  I worried about my granddaughter every day and it didn’t change the outcome.  There have been times where I’ve felt that all my worrying might have actually contributed to the outcome.  Thoughts are things, after all.

But here’s the thing.  The stress hormones wreak havoc on our bodies.  They can down-regulate or up-regulate genes and create disease.  The release of stress hormones is a direct result of our thoughts.  Your thoughts can literally kill you!  Stress leads to distress and can be followed by chronic and life-threatening illnesses, like heart disease, stroke and even cancer and diabetes. 

On the flip side, it is also my belief and I’m sure scientific studies also exist that show that our thoughts can also heal us.  How we think creates our state of mind.  Our state of mind directly relates to the state of our bodies.  Laughter and a sense of connection, as well as the emotions of joy, love, and especially gratitude can have the opposite result. They heal.

There are scientific studies that show a decrease in inflammatory markers and benefits to our immune system, as well as anti-aging benefits, as a result of the feelings of gratitude. Despite my loss, I, like everyone else, have things they should be grateful for.  I have a wonderful daughter and grandson, family, friends, a great boss, a job, a roof, (although it leaked the first night in the house!) and teeth!

So, I’m turning off the TV and hoping for a positive outcome.  The only thing that is within my power to do, is VOTE!  Nothing on the news is going to change the way I vote.  I’ve listened to both sides and the bottom line is I’m sticking with the sane!

I encourage you all to do the same.

Photo Credits:

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Photo by Gayatri Malhotra on Unsplash

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash