I started writing this post earlier this week and finished it Friday night. Obviously, this was prior to the historic announcement that Biden would be our next president and that, Kamala Harris, a WOMAN and a woman of color, would be the next Vice President. Was I surprised? No. I believed that a huge segment of the population would show up and vote for Biden. If not vote for Biden, vote against another four years of Trump. (We only had two choices! And quite frankly, one option!) Real talk! He treated us like life was a game. We were merely the pieces. A game he was willing to win at all costs. Including sacrificing the lives of our friends and family members, our jobs, our homes, our careers, and our sanity. Well do you still wanna play a game Don? Cool. Let’s play Monopoly. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go! Do not collect $200.
And P.S. Letitia James is waiting for you! I wrote in the post below that I believed things would get better and that it might not be today, but it would get better. NOPE! I WAS WRONG. IT GOT BETTER TODAY! (11/7/20)
I still believe this post is worth sharing and quite frankly, it’s all I got for ya this week! It was a long week and I, like most of you are drained and exhausted!!!!
20-fn-20
Am I the only person that has been angry and stressed out all year? Yeah, I didn’t think so!
It started with losing one of my jobs in January. (Uh, the one that paid the most!) Wait, no, it started with Kobe Bryant’s death. I have no idea why that hit me so hard, but it did. I cried like a baby the day he died. Maybe it was that I was super tired from being on my 7th workday, but I was emotional. Like I knew this man! And, then, as a Mother, I cried some more after I learned his Daughter and other children had perished in the crash. I was sad and angry. A good man, father, and positive role model was gone! Meanwhile……never mind, let’s just say I often feel the good die young and evil seems to live on forever. I won’t name any names here because I don’t want MIB at my door. I know that sort of thinking doesn’t serve me, but I’m just being honest.
Then I balled all the way through the Laker’s tribute and eventually the memorial. I could only imagine what Vanessa Bryant was feeling. My Daughter and my Grandkids are a huge part of the reason I do what I do every day. The thought of losing any of them. I cannot even begin to explain, but you would probably find me in a ball someplace. My heart ached for her.
Like most of us, I have had some rough times, but the stress (resulting from a combination of anger and fear!) was at an all-time high! I was frantically looking for a new gig. I thought to myself, “What the hell could be worse than January and February!”
And then March came, and I found out what could be worse! March=People dying needlessly because of lack of information and bad information coming from what’s his face. Being isolated and locked down alone. (Although in hindsight, that wasn’t really all that bad! Something to say for peace!) Planning my toilet paper heists when I got down to that last few squares! Staring at the blow dryer as a last resort!
At the supermarket trying to get the inside scoop on the next toilet paper and paper towel delivery! (I was determined to get my own roll!!!) Trying to make a pot of chili and searching store after store for a can of beans in a hazmat suit. Looking around for Cuba Gooding and the “Outbreak Monkey.” Stripping at my front door every time I took a walk with my ration of Clorox Wipes slowly dwindling. (I wasn’t sure Green Cleaner would kill Rona!) Worrying about my kids getting sick or when the money would run out since even though my income was cut by three quarters, I still couldn’t qualify for unemployment!
Okay, so now I’m isolated alone with my thoughts and CNN. I’m taking classes, writing, exercising, walking, reading, studying and now cooking meals three times a day, so I’m busy as hell! I was productive! I was preparing to launch my blog. I was searching for a job. I was taking classes to prepare myself for the job market which I hadn’t really been in for a while. For many years, my work was through referrals, friends, or I interviewed once and was hired immediately. My resume was a good 15+ years old, and so were my skills! (I was like WTH is a Google Doc?) So, my days were quite busy. I was still working part time, but for the first time in a long time, I had the news on hours each day. I was informed and stressed the hell out!
When I was working 60-70 hours a week, I cruised headlines and that’s about all I had time for. I knew in 2016 we had problems, but until then, I was too busy to think about them. I had two jobs, two households, self-care and family matters that filled my day 24/7/365! I got most of my news on Friday nights during my date with Bill Maher. I learned years before to NEVER watch the news before bed. There was never anything good to come of that. I had a rule! End the night with something funny. There were times I had to turn Bill off because the current events were so disturbing that I knew they would keep me up and stress me out even more.
Suddenly, in addition to my own personal concerns about money, health and family, I was worried about the world. I had always been conscientious about climate change, recycling and trying to do better so I could preserve the earth for my grandkids, (and yours) but this was next level concern. Now people I’ve known for many years are dying from Covid. Text or call after call, came in about someone being hospitalized and dying. Others are sick at home. My investments were crashing and burning. WTH 2020!
Then Amy Cooper (a/k/a Karen 2.0) happened and shortly after that you got to watch a man plead for his life and call for his Momma, while some racist mf-r rested on his neck, murdering him on camera without a care in the world! Then this clown in the white house with his daily antics. As if he hadn’t been annoying enough for three years prior, he was in overdrive! Karens were everywhere. They were just coming out of the woodwork like roaches. It was like they were handing out permits to be outwardly racist at the DMV. (As if you can get anything out of the DMV!)
Okay, so Kobe’s gone. People I know are dropping dead and the rest, I’m worried sick about. People I don’t know (but are somebody’s children) are being murdered. The planet is dying. People are losing everything and I’m not really sure I won’t be making it onto that list. Stressed AF.
Oh, I know. Why not give my kid a debilitating illness, force me to move into a room, continue to pay for a car and insurance on a car I can’t drive because the state of NJ is wack-ass and you pay through the teeth for the wack-assedness because not only are real estate taxes some of the highest in the country, the car insurance isn’t far behind. (I sound angry, huh?) And Trump’s wonderful tax plan caps the write off on the really high real estate taxes! Nice. I handled payroll for a company and almost EVERY employee suddenly owed taxes! Meanwhile ole boy paid what, $750?
So, did I need the stress of the realization that approximately one half of the country hates me because of the color of my skin? Or that a huge segment of the population is stupid as hell. (yeah Covid is a hoax and the entire world is in on it! Yup, you figured it out, you geniuses!)
This was a year of firsts! I applied for jobs and didn’t even get a consideration. They saw those eight pages of experience and figured, “This B is old as hell! She’s going to stay one year and retire.” As if!
Photo by Bruno Scramgnon
AND I’m sad to say, I learned what hate feels like. I’ve never hated anyone in my life. (Strong dislike maybe! And not to whine, but I’ve had some folks be pretty shitty to me.) Next level disrespect, and yet I have never harbored ill will toward them. (I felt so much better after I put that laxative in the milk and then I was done being mad and moved on. Don’t ask.)
Yes, I’m working on it. I know enough to know that hate only hurts the person carrying it around! I hate, hate! I’m not perfect. I, like most of us are a work in progress.
Real talk, in 2020, I’ve not only been stressed. I’ve been angry and it’s a wicked, unhealthy combination! We all know stress is a part of life. I’ve worked really hard to find ways to relieve mine. 2020 has been rough for most of us, in particular those that lost loved ones and their livelihood. I’m grateful and happy to say, I’m at least back to work (less money, but GRATEFUL TO HAVE A JOB!!!!) although members of my family are still unemployed or underemployed and have had their businesses seriously affected by this pandemic. They too are stressed. So, I feel that stress too.
If you have read my previous posts, you know I have written quite a bit about stress! If you haven’t here is a recap:
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, stress is the way that the body and brain responds to a perceived demand or threat. The stress response is a natural physiological reaction which can be brought on by a major life change or traumatic event. Or stress can be a result of a combination of smaller issues such as your normal day to day BS.
Stress is normal. (In small doses.) Extreme or prolonged, and unrelenting stress can take a huge toll on both physical health and mental wellbeing. When stressed your brain sends signals to your adrenal glands to release more of the hormone cortisol and as result, increase your heart rate and blood pressure. And who needs that? “Not I,” says the woman trying to eliminate her BP pills! And if you read my previous post on stress, you also know the damage cortisol can do to not only your waist-line, but your organs, your brain and immune function and we DEFINITELY don’t need that in the middle of a pandemic! (Or any other time for that matter.)
“According to the Mayo Clinic, ongoing chronic stress can cause or worsen a number of serious (and sometimes irreversible) health issues.” (I cut and pasted that and can’t find where from! Sorry) It can impact every aspect of our lives. So, when combined with anger, you’re walking around like a ticking time bomb! And no one needs to explode. (That’s a whole mess no one wants to clean up!)
Anger is also a natural, instinctive response to threats. Some anger is necessary for our survival. Anger only becomes an issue when your ass can’t control it! But, anger, like stress (and many extreme emotions) also affects your organs, heart, brain and increases your BP and heart rate. Again, all bad! We all experience anger, BUT the frequency or severity of anger is what affects your mental health and well-being. I was feeling angry far too often.
And, if I am being totally honest, I have to admit, in addition to anger and stress, there were moments of despair, brewing in the pot too. I had some moments of sadness and started to feel hopeless. (Luckily, there were moments and not hours or days!) I seriously had moments where I thought, “this entire sitch is just HOPELESS”. My grandkids are screwed!”
Surely, I am not alone in thinking that this country has just been out of FN control. Seems like just yesterday that I ONLY had to worry about my kid and grandkid being stopped by police for driving while black. Now I have to worry about them being stopped by racists assholes with big flags, bigger guns, half a brain (and that half is brain-washed) harassing them or worse! I started to realize that half of the country must be either:
- Racist
- Stupid
- Greedy (blinded by greed)
- Indifferent (don’t care about anyone or anything)
- Blinded by other fears
- Ignorant and living in a bubble
- All of the above
I’m sorry, but that is a scary ass realization! I thought, okay, so now how the hell do we live with these folks? No one’s leaving. Hell, no one would let us in if we wanted to. I know values vary but agreeing that everyone should enjoy the same rights and freedoms shouldn’t be an issue up for debate at this juncture.
I understand that we have to agree to disagree about things, but racism isn’t one of them. I get that people are misinformed and fearful. I get that they’ve been fed a load of crap and some coming from media, but most of it, social media, family and friends. It can be a distorted reality. But there is no mistaking what you know who has done. You’ve seen it with your own two eyeballs! Or heard with your own two ears. You saw him making fun of the handicap. There is no “taking that out of context!” You hear him ADMIT to sexually assaulting women and grabbing them by the P’s! How is that okay? Like ever! You’ve heard him say terrible things about non-whites. There’s no mistaking his failure to condemn white supremacist. No one is putting words in his mouth or misrepresenting here.
If you follow someone that commits a crime, you are as guilty as they are. If you are with them when they commit a crime, you too can be sentenced. It’s guilt by association. You are judged by the company you keep! So, choose carefully. It’s 20 FN 20! Racism isn’t okay. Sexism isn’t okay. Most “ism’s” aren’t okay!
Racial injustice is real whether the powers that be, want to admit it or not. He has been fanning the flames of racism on social media for the past four years. He may as well have run a campaign ad saying, “I’m racist AF. Racism is acceptable. I’m Donald J Asshole and I approve this message”
The good news is that it’s out in the open now. (Doesn’t exactly feel like good news.) It’s no longer hiding in plain sight. Look, you can’t fix a problem unless you know you have it! That applies to any problem. Systemic racism has deep roots. It’s like a damn weed! A dangerous weed strangling and killing everything around it. You know if you just cut the top off so you can’t see what is beneath, it’s still there below the surface! Everyone knows, if you want to get rid of weeds, you have to pull them up from the root! Otherwise, it just continues to grow, no matter how hard you try to kill it. YOU HAVE TO ADDRESS THE ROOTS! And we know what’s at the root of racism. FEAR. But now we know. Well, we always knew it existed, but to this level? I certainly didn’t.
We need to have some open and honest conversations and conversations don’t just mean talking. For it to be a conversation, we also have to listen. Listen. Read. Learn. We all must exercise compassion. Attempt to understand others. From compassion emerges kindness. Kindness creates good will, helping to dispel hatred promoting peace love and understanding. (I know, that was very Al Green, Curtis Mayfield, Marvin Gayish sounding!)
We all have to recover from this year individually and as a country and it’s going to take a minute. Even after we have a new President, it’s going to be a battle. There is much work to be done. We have to talk this mess out. And that’s no easy thing to do when you have people that are not willing to listen. Don’t be one of them. It just won’t be easy!
Some folks have to rebuild their entire lives. But I’m happy to report, I’m hopeful. I’m optimistic. Things will get better. It might not be today, but I believe.
In the meantime, and in between time, (TODAY) we have to work on relieving stress and anger so that we can continue to wake up and stay in the fight! Because unchecked, both will kill you! And we want you to stick around. I want to stick around. I got S@*T to do!
So, if you have been as stressed out or as angry as I have, here are some suggestions to try this week:
Take a walk. Get some exercise and weather permitting, some sun light and fresh air!
Breathe deeply! I’m talking deep abdominal breathing few of us do. Deep breathing not only calms stress, it helps eliminate toxins from your body. What isn’t purged in the bathroom, is purged through your respiratory system!
Do some yoga. Meditate. Sit and do absolutely nothing!!!!!! Quiet your mind. It’s not easy, but try!
Herbs can be an effective option in helping to minimize the effects of stress. Just make sure to do your homework and when you are taking other medications or have health issues. Check out, Valerian Root which can be highly sedative, but there are a list of drugs it can interact with so check with your doctor! Lemon Balm. (You can chew the leaves. Make a tea or add to a salad) It should help with nervousness and insomnia. Kava Kava Root is another anti-anxiety herb, but avoid this one if you have liver issues. Again check with the Doc and/or do your research.
Read a good book and sip on a warm cup of calming Chamomile tea.
Watch an inspiring documentary.
Turn on some soothing music and relax or blast some dance music and shake your ass!
Take a candle-lit bath! If you have a diffuser, throw some calming essential oils in there. Try the “Calm” blend from Vibrant Blue Oils or try Frankincense for a calm, relaxing and meditative feeling. Vetiver is known for it’s calming effects as well. Chamomile mixed with a little Lavender and Geranium oils is also calming.
Get creative! Write a story. Draw something. Paint something. You don’t need to be PIcasso!
Take a Dump! No, not that kind. There’s no bathroom involved here. I’m talking a mental dump. Unload negative thoughts and feelings into a journal. Then tear out that page and toss it in the trash!
Comedy! Watch a funny movie. Find a stand up special on Netflix and LAUGH until you cry. (Or if you’re menopausal until you pee a little!) Researchers have discovered that laughter boosts immune function! Who can’t use that boost in the days of Rona?
It’s not my thing, but GOT WEED? High quality CBD oil? Just say’n.
And last but not least, put the phone down. (after you finish my post!) Turn the news off. Disconnect! Decompress.
