My Black is NOT Cracking.

Many of us spent a great deal of 2020, isolated and alone.  For some, stress and anxiety were the only constant companions in 2020.  The sad reality is pretty obvious.  It is not going to get better overnight.  In fact, it is highly likely that it will get worse before it gets better.  But, it WILL get better.  I finally had a few days off and some time to think.  (A double-edged sword). I made a conscious choice however, to identity and focus on some of the positive things that occurred in what could otherwise be considered for many, “The Year from Hell!” 

I challenged myself for my final post of the year to come up with a list of positive things that occurred in 2020.  I tried to come up with a few gifts that 2020 delivered. (Some of them delivered in some pretty ugly wrapping paper!). Some of them are personal and some of them, I believe are shared with the masses.

Tragically, as a result of the pandemic, the reality is that many did not wake up this year.  We lost friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances we may not have known, but perhaps interacted with daily at our favorite stores or restaurants. (When we were briefly welcomed back and dared to enter.) It is truly sad and my heart aches for those that have suffered loss.  For the purpose of this post, I was looking for some light.  For those of us that have survived thus far, many of us WOKE UP! I mean, really WOKE UP. It is my hope that all who continue to wake up, appreciate merely waking up, a hell of a lot more.  I know I do.  Waking up is a big deal in 2020!  Waking up to another day and another opportunity to do better and to be better.

One of those things that appeared in an ugly disguise was my daughter’s MS diagnosis. But, as a result, it not only forced her to adopt a healthier lifestyle, all of the research I did on MS also educated me to changes that I needed to make as well.  Changes that may very well prevent aged related cognitive decline.  Unfortunately, there are some pretty nasty illness on both sides of her family tree.  Cancer on my side of the family and diabetes on dad’s side.  I think it was Dr. Pam Peeke that said it best, “genetics may load the gun, but lifestyle pulls the trigger! The lifestyle changes that she has incorporated into her life, will not only heal her from her MS, but protect her from her parent’s pre-disposition to diabetes and cancer. 

I realized what a difference I can make.  I admit, I’ve been ignorant to a lot of things.  For the greater part of the last 25 years, maybe 30 years, I’ve had more than one job. There were times when I had three jobs.  I was managing my spouse’s career and working one job. (Sometimes two!) For a while, I operated a catering business, worked a full-time job and managed his career. At one point I managed the careers of multiple clients while holding a full-time job. (That was a slow year!)

Those are not intended to be excuses.  But between work, running a household, trying to be a mother and wife, I was far more concerned with the balance in my checkbook, than I was the balance in the Senate! I did my civic duty and voted.  I knew my vote mattered, but I never realized to what extent that it mattered.

I never really paid much attention to politics or to the power that my vote had to change not only my circumstances, but the world. I learned that I can make a difference and that my vote has the power to change lives. 

Which is a great segue to what is next on the list of positive things! It’s a TWO-FER! In 2020 we elected the first Black and the first Female Vice President! The VP looks like me! (Well, the hair and the Converses!) Equally important is the fact that we got rid of Trump. Maybe not forever, but I’m keeping hope alive.  I have faith in Leticia James! Let’s see what she can do to help us out with the “FOREVER,” part.  I did my part.

I have always valued my friendships.  I value them even more now.  My demographic is among the high-risk group for Covid.  I stopped putting off calling friends and checking in with them.  I started having real conversations and not just engaging in a series of text messages!  I love my friends and I no longer put off letting them know I’m thinking of them.  Having time to think and reflect after not having time to do much else other than work, day to day crap and writing, you realize what’s important!  Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so let the folks you care about know that you do TODAY. You never know when it will be too late.

AND speaking of time.  I learned to manage my time better. (In ways that would serve ME for a change!) I had a huge list of things I wanted to learn and do.  I had goals I had put off since forever.  When I had the time, I didn’t have the energy and the motivation was non-existent.  Now I had time and I needed to organize and schedule my time wisely in order to accomplish my goals.  The list was long, so there was no time to waste.  After working 80-hour weeks for a few years and probably never less than 60 my whole life, suddenly my work week was 20 hours long!  Now I could finally cross some goals off the list.   And as I said, even though I had more time than I’ve EVER had, there was still no time to waste!  Which leads me to another positive result of learning to value of MY time!  I learned to stop giving time to undeserving people.  I not only deleted folks not from my phone, I deleted them from my thoughts.I ended some unhealthy relationships. 

I learned to enjoy my own company! I learned that there is a huge difference loneliness and solitude.  This down time provided me with an opportunity to learn new skills and explore new interests. Working so much for so long allowed so little time to think about much of anything. (Occasionally the wrong people!) As a result, I found the time to launch this blog!

I’ve been pretty fortunate.  There have only been a handful of occasions where I felt I had been discriminated against.  One such occurrence was in my current employment situation, but NOT by my employer!  Long story and not worth sharing. I think all black folks have been discriminated to some degree in restaurants.  You know, where were received less than great service because we’ve been pre-judged as “non-tippers!”

But for the most part, nothing life changing and certainly not life threatening.  I can’t say I’ve lived in fear based on being a black woman.  I’ve never applied for a job I really wanted and didn’t get.  I’ve been fortunate.  I know that’s not the case for many folks in particular, black men! I was ignorant.  All those years of thinking my husband was a paranoid freak when he wouldn’t drive wearing a baseball cap! Oh my God, was I ignorant!  I’m almost embarrassed.  Because 2020, if I learned nothing else, I learned how hard it is to be a black man in America. Sure, I may have been passed over, disregarded and disrespected to a certain degree because I’m a black woman, but black men are FEARED.  And FEAR is dangerous.  That fear combined with ignorance, makes them targets! They literally wake up with a target on their back every damn day! That is some every-day stress for your ass! It also explains a lot for me.  I’ve always been protective of the men in my life, but I feel like now I need to do whatever is within my power to protect ALL of my black brothers! Ignorance truly is bliss.  I lived in a bubble.  That bubble has been forever popped!

I learned that loyalty can be rewarded with loyalty.  I’ve always treated my work managing others’ businesses as if they were my own.  Some have even suggested that I cared too much! BUT in 2020, my loyalty was rewarded with an opportunity.  I’m grateful!

I practiced some serious SELF-LOVE!  I exercised.  I did some gardening. Gave myself scalp massages!  Went 100% organic. Got back to some yoga.  I took long walks.  I started running again.  I danced alone to DNice more than a few times! Party of one!

To end the list here are a few other amazing firsts and positive changes:

Let me start with Biden’s historic cabinet choices!

First Latino nominated to serve as Secretary of Homeland Security.

First women to lead the Intelligence Community.

More in Politics:

A Record number of women and women of color were candidates for congress.  Fifty women of color will now serve in the US Congress in 2021.

Entertainment:

Channing Dungey was named the FIRST new chairman of Warner Bros. Television.

If you are reading this post, you are still here! Every day is a gift and a gift a whole lot of folks didn’t receive this year.

Last year I listened to this Earth, Wind & Fire track EVERY DAY. It’s called, “Turn it into something good.” It was on their “Faces” album. It was how I started my day. The day I lost my gig and huge chunk of income, I listened to it a few times. It turns out that job loss was a blessing in disguise. (A gift in what appeared to be some ugly ass wrapping paper! ) I turned it into something good. I found some light in what only appeared as darkness! Goes a little something like this:

“You can’t hide forever. Just decide to make it better. Turn it into something good. Remember you can choose, not to lose. Find your groove and be a winner! Wake up!”

Thank you to my readers and subscribers for taking the time to read my blog for the past 9-10 months. I hope that you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope that you learned something or were inspired by my words. If not, I hope you at least laughed! Time is our most valuable commodity. I truly appreciate your sharing some of yours with me.