At the beginning of every year I have a ritual. I get a new notebook. Nothing fancy. A spiral bound notebook. It’s usually orange, black or green. My accounting background will not allow me to write in a red notebook! Those who know me would be able to confirm that there is always a notebook sticking out of my purse. I’ve probably been doing this for a good 25 years. In this new notebook, I write down my goals and dreams for the year. Everything else in there is usually a daily, weekly or monthly to-do list. (With an unrealistic amount of crap on it to accomplish in a day, which almost always gets crossed out and carried over to the next! Then I don’t like all of that crossing out, so I tear out the page and just start fresh!) Start fresh!
This is how each new year begins. I look at the last notebook(s) to see all of the things that never seemed to get crossed off. Sometimes I get discouraged when so many goals were not met. I feel really bad about it. I think to myself, “What the hell did you accomplish? You barely crossed anything off the last year’s list!” This is one of those bad habits I mentioned in earlier post this year, “I have a bad habit of…” (link below) I beat myself up. (Super negative response!)
That being said, all things considered, I probably crossed off more things than usual in 2020! I should feel good, right? I should focus on the positive. Focus on those things that I DID accomplish. I’m trying ya’ll. The struggle is real.
While I did cross a decent amount off of the list, unfortunately I didn’t cross off some of the biggies!
At the top of last year’s list was producing more shows and publishing the book on which the play was based. This one I can’t really beat myself up about as the pandemic shutting down all of the theaters eliminated any possibility of doing more shows. I shifted my focus back to writing from producing.
This blog actually started out as another production. I wanted to write a show all about what it’s like to age as a woman in America. I’m sure it’s probably a lot like other places, but since this is where I’m aging, this is what I know! (Based on my research, it does appear that aging for women in Europe is a whole lot different, but we will save that for another post.)
So, I started writing down my thoughts on aging. It would be my next show. A comedy hit! Broadway bound! When theaters closed and it was estimated it might be another eighteen months or more before they might reopen, I decided to present my words in the form of this blog and eventually a podcast. Well, I wasn’t able to launch the podcast. I didn’t get to cross that one off! When my co-host (Daughter) got sick, I put the podcast on the back burner. Between dealing with moving and starting a new job, it has been difficult to even find the time to research and write the blog posts. I had to cross the podcast off the 2020 list.
Another thing I wanted to start doing was to revisit a cookbook project I had started probably ten-fifteen years ago. (Back when I had an amazing chef’s kitchen from which to create! Okay, let me not spiral down that rabbit hole!) I planned to get back to developing healthy recipes for one! It had become obvious that I was going to be cooking for one for the foreseeable future. I also wanted to incorporate meatless Mondays into the blog. I found it would be easier to start off by publishing the recipes of my former culinary classmates, who unlike myself, pursued the culinary arts full time and actually published cookbooks and opened restaurants. (I went back to accounting!)
But, with preparing for my new position at work in production for which I had zero experience, learning new software that would be required to do the job, planning to move, and the kid getting sick, it just became an unfulfilled dream. In other words, it’s still on the to-do list!
The main thing that I had on the list was that I wanted to find a way to generate enough income from doing things that I loved to do (cooking, writing and producing my shows) so that I could sustain myself without the need to do any more unfulfilling work. That meant, I either needed to publish a bestseller, produce a successful podcast, sell a script for a gazillion dollars, or produce a hugely popular web series and blog. A mere 100k viewers each month can produce $5,000 a month in income!
A friend told me about her friend, who started a blog that was now earning $40,000 a month! (I think I could get by on that!) By sharing her passion for homesteading, gardening, cooking and creating, she was able to build a highly successful business. Is it work? Of course! I spend a great deal of time and energy just writing my little posts. I have a long list of topics I want to research and talk about. Topics that are of interest to me and that I’m sure would be of interest to my readers. I research. I write. I rewrite. I edit. I attempt to find complimentary images and then I fight with wordpress (because I’m technically challenged) to get the post up each week. But, I do it because 1. I love learning things that will improve my life 2. I love writing 3. I love sharing those things with others and the idea of helping to improve the lives of others. (It’s the same reason I went to culinary school and studied the food as medicine theory, nutrition and the link between good food and good health! ) I wanted to be better and help others to be better. That hasn’t changed. Even my play about Sidepieces was to help others! There are some lessons in there and if nothing else, some laughs! (And laughter is healing!)
Anyway, back to my list. Sadly, I still cannot check off number one or two from my list. (or three, actually!) I recently started allowing ads on my blog and I’ve generated a whopping $.13! It’s obvious that I am not quite able to quit my day job just yet. (And if my boss happens to read this…I don’t plan to do so!) That is unless you all are going to run out and tell 196,000 of your closest friends about my blog! Looks like I’m going to have to invest a little more time and energy to achieve that goal! (Okay, a LOT. Not a little!)
I did not launch my podcast. I did not produce my web series. (Although I get a Covid pass on that one!) My blog did not generate 100k much less 200k views. The number was closer to 4000 and 1500 of those were in the first week which was extremely encouraging! It was pretty much down hill from there which was a tad discouraging. But, to date, I can’t really say that I’ve promoted it on other platforms. I’m pretty new to social media. It’s definitely a process and a learning experience. My next goal with the blog is to record the posts so that you have the option to listen to my rants instead of having to read them. I’m hopeful this will help increase subscribers. As far as I know, my generation still reads. My Daughter’s generation seems to prefer listening. (Now that they are adults!)
My goal was to achieve this independence from clock punching in six months to a year. The six-month mark occurred in October. I have to accept the fact that as the one year mark quickly approaches, it is highly unlikely I reach my goal. (Unless I do something completely insane and go viral! Trust me, the thought has crossed my aging mind!)
As far as the stage, I have only outlined the production, but I guess there’s no rush there since again, there are no stages open. I stopped beating myself up on that one until I saw a promotion from ABFF for a virtual stage play with ticket sales and everything! I kicked myself a little bit thinking, “You could have done that! Why didn’t you think of that?”
But you know, 2020 was a lot! (For us all!) The worry about my health and the health of everyone I knew and loved. The insane politics. The news. The violence. There was the stress and anxiety about not having a full time job and then starting a new one with zero experience. Stress definitely affects creativity and energy levels. Moving is stressful! Moving in with someone else, even more stressful when you have had your own place for the better part of 40 years!
Real talk. I looked at my list from last year on New Year’s Eve. Then I read probably five of the ten of the scripts that I’ve written. (that only friends have read!) I read the book I started and never finished. To be honest, I started off the new year feeling a tad depressed, discouraged and hopeless. I seriously had a moment. (Okay, an evening!) I had my “so-called vacation time” interrupted by my job. (That again, I’m SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE!) Not that I was relaxing or enjoying my time off. It just became days of taking care of all the personal crap I’ve had to neglect over the past six months like getting my car registered and inspected! Renewing my passport. Looking for things lost in the move. Busy BS. I needed some ME time. I needed to clear my head. I didn’t need this moment to turn into an ongoing thing. It was Jan 1 and I was feeling pretty shitty. I didn’t want Jan 1 to set the tone for 2021.
So, I checked into a nearby hotel. (Me and my giant tub of Clorox wipes. It was actually a brand new hotel, so that was a plus!) I got a room with a view of the river. It wasn’t the ocean I had become used to and loved so much, but it was the best I could do. Being near water, ALWAYS relaxes me and I needed to relax and regroup. I took long walks along the ocean almost daily to clear my head and start my day before I moved. I miss it. The river would have to do for now!
That was two days ago. It’s Jan 3. I’m about to grab coffee and write out my 2021 list before they kick me out. I’m looking at the list from 2020 trying not to feel discouraged. Instead of feeling as if I failed in meeting my goals, I’ve decided that I need to make some adjustments. I am a big believer in dreaming BIG! There is nothing wrong with having ambitious goals! I just need to break down my dreams and goals into smaller steps. Start with the easy stuff, like learning social media promotion, which will help me to achieve my 100k views instead of just ACHIEVE 100K views. (Or 25k views, then 50k, then 75k and finally 100k.) That way I can enjoy the satisfaction that comes from achieving each step instead of just beating myself up for not getting to 100k!
Your goals or new years resolutions might simply be to start exercising or to eat better. You’re not going to start with the goal of running a marathon! You might start with the goal of walking fifteen minutes a day and then thirty. Perhaps you will work your way up to a trot and start jogging. In six months, you might be ready to run a marathon if you are consistent and commit to the process. What I have to do and what you might want to do is to break that big goal into literally, small steps! If thirty minutes seems like a lot, break that down by aiming for three 10-minute periods. One before work, one at lunch-time and one after you finish work. You can easily sneak in ten minutes of exercise while watching TV. If you watch TV with commercials, commit to exercising during the commercials. Might I suggest some dips, squats or jumping jacks!
The point is that I need to do the same with my professional goals. You have to crawl before you walk and walk before you run! (Actually that is not true. I swear my kid went from sitting there waiting for someone to pick her up, to walking!)
I will admit, I don’t feel that great today. I would love to just hide here for a while and enjoy the river and the quiet, but they want you to pay to stay, so I’m out! I’ve got last year’s notebook. I just need to focus on those things that were crossed off and not those left undone!
Tonight, I will tear the page out and start fresh tomorrow! Tomorrow, if we are fortunate enough to have one, is a new opportunity to not only cross things off the list, but to start enjoying the process. (I suck at that part!) I may never cross everything off this list. But I’m always ready with my notebook in my purse and the medium gel pen clipped inside.
I have one thing to ask. (Something I’ve never been that great at!) If you enjoy this blog, please share with friends. If you have any suggestions or ideas on how it can improve, please share that with me.
Happy New Year!
Kay
This was my old back yard!