Am I the only person that has been waking up lately thinking, “is this all there is?”
Time is flying by so quickly. It was just November! How the hell is it May? It just feels as if time is escaping. (And no, we can’t catch it! None of us!)
I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when that witch turned over that hourglass on her and told her when all that sand hit the bottom, so would she! (Oh damn. Flying monkey flash-back!)
I feel a little stuck. On one hand, I believe in my talents and abilities and on the other hand, I feel trapped by fear of failure and the belief that this might be as good as it gets. (A belief I need to let go of!)
We all need to earn our living and often our jobs consume us leaving little time or energy for dreams and the pursuit of goals.
Like most, I fear not having enough to pay the bills. But is there ever enough? I remember when I made half what I earn now, thinking, “If I can just earn X, I can afford to step out and take some chances.”
Sadly, as our bank accounts change, our lifestyles change with it. Often, we find there is never enough. As the paycheck increases, so did the size of the house, and the price of the car, and suddenly, our lifestyle has us trapped.
I’ve done okay. I’ve landed some pretty good situations for myself, but no matter the gig or the check, the house, the car, or what others might interpret as success, there has always been this nagging and persistent feeling that this ain’t all there is!
For years, I suppressed my desires and my passion in exchange for my paychecks. I stepped out a few times and it didn’t go as well as I would have liked. So, I let fear of failure stop me from trying instead of viewing the failures as lessons.
Real talk, mostly I failed because I relied on others to do things I was capable of doing but was afraid to do by myself. I thought I needed a partner when I didn’t.
So, I continued clock-punching full time and collected my checks. I’m sure I’m not alone there. We do what we feel we have to do! But, what happens when we REALLY don’t have to? I could have opted for the smaller house, the less expensive car, and invested in my dreams. Instead, I kept putting them on the back burner. That damn back burner. The one where I burn the most shit up!
I asked my girlfriend who like many, was a single mom and an amazing one at that. Those kids wanted for nothing! She busted her ass and raised two brilliant kids. She experienced some serious challenges along the way. Even now, with her kids being grown, she is still busting her ass to help them. She was also caring for her parents and continues to help out her Dad since her Mom passed. She has always had a lot on her plate! I was a single parent, but I cannot begin to imagine, how I would have dealt with challenges she faced. I have friends taking care of aging parents and I can’t say I can relate since I have not had parents since I was a teenager.
But things, it appears, might be getting a little easier for her. It appears that in the near future, she might finally be able to slow down and take care of HERSELF! Unlike myself, she stuck with one job and earned herself some real retirement. I can’t even say that word right now. (Not that I ever really want to! I just want to be earning a living doing something I truly love!) But financial retirement mostly allows folks to finally pursue some dreams. They have the time and don’t have to worry as much about overhead.
So, I asked her, now that the kids are grown and out of the house, Dad’s good, and you can focus on yourself, what are your interests, dreams and goals? She responded by saying she didn’t remember because it had been so long since she has the time or energy to give them any thought. That back burner!
That made me sad. So, I asked the question I ask everyone. If money were not a concern, what would you do for free? What is important to you?
She said she was trying to figure it out. I’m sure she will. But I’m guessing she is not alone. Many of us, have been doing what we had to do for so long, we aren’t sure what we want to do. We deferred our dreams for so long, we forgot them!
And even when we figure it out, we are often paralyzed with fear in taking the first steps toward what we want out of the rest of our lives. (And that sand is running Dorothy!)
I asked myself those same questions. What do I want? What would I do for free if money were of no concern?
For me, it’s cooking, writing, and entertaining. The part I’m trying to figure out is how to monetize them because unfortunately, money is definitely a concern! I’ve been trying to figure out how I can satisfy my needs and desires and making a good living. (My definition has definitely changed! Like, I have no desire to dust rooms I never use or pay someone else to!)
And, how can I attain the freedom to do the things I enjoy that will never pay the bills? You know, like sitting on a beach! (If any one knows of a job beach sitting, I’m your girl! Just saying!)
Even once you retire, it’s important to have a purpose and to stay active. At our age, we all definitely have value. We have experiences we can share. Skills we can teach. Passions we can share.
Hell, the book I wrote, “Side Piece, Untold Stories,” (presented as a stage play) was a collection of experiences (not just mine) written for the purposes of both entertainment and enlightenment. (Not exactly spiritual enlightenment! Volume One will be published soon! Stay tuned!)
I’ve worked for numerous small businesses and just as important as it is to learn what to do in business, I also learned what NOT to do. This would be valuable experience for someone.
I always enjoyed working with small businesses, especially start-ups and even though it was accounting work, I think it was the idea of being part of something being built from the ground up. Creating something from scratch. I guess that was my right brain getting fed, (or is it the left? I forget!) But there was always the desire to create my own. I suppressed my desires to do my own thing for the security of a paycheck. Many of us do.
That said, and about 35 years later!!! I refuse to believe that this is all there is. I refuse to believe that I cannot accomplish my goals and live the life I dream of. Dreams come true for folks every day! So, why not for me? Or for you?
Whether it is dissatisfaction, desperation or desire that motivates you, (For me, I feel like it’s a little of all three at the moment!) maybe its just time for a GOOD LIFE CRISIS!
Change is scary but necessary. It’s time to take the action. It’s time to take the steps that are necessary to create the life that you want. If you don’t know, take the time to figure it out. I wrote mine out this morning. I find it helpful to see things on paper. And real paper. Not the laptop in a word doc. In my very own crazy-looking handwriting.
It’s never too late, but it’s also never too soon!
“Leap and the net shall appear!”
Amen Sista!!!