My Black is NOT Cracking.

       

Okay. I need to rant a bit this week. I need to talk about invisible and irrelevant!

We, as aging women are an often overlooked consumer opportunity. In most cases, we have more time and more money. (Once we get the kids out of the house and our pockets….) So, why are we invisible?

Why do we rarely see ourselves reflected in the media?  And thus far, the media’s message has been that a woman’s value is in her appearance  We are overlooked as consumers in advertising and marketing.  Adweek states that brands continue to overlook women over 40 as a group to market to.  If they do market to us we are being bombarded with anti-aging elixirs.  We are controlling some $20-plus TRILLION in consumer spending, (I said Trillion ya’ll!) yet you don’t see us in ads unless we are staring hopelessly out of a window and taking a drug for depression, or wearing a diaper.  Women drive the world’s economy and control a bulk of the spending! We may no longer be buying tampons, but we are for damn sure buying!  If you do happen to spot us, (like a damn unicorn!) we are airbrushed to wrinkle-free perfection and filtered versions of ourselves.  The pressure to remained youthful is coming at us from all sides! 

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And what about film and TV?  There has been some improvement, but not much!  Years ago, I heard Nancy Meyers speak at the Directors Guild in LA.  Nancy is one of my favorite writer/directors and as it turns out, a Philly home girl!  Why?  (Not why is she from Philly! Why she had a hard time making her films?) Because she makes films for grown folks.  “Somethings Gotta Give” and “It’s Complicated” are just two of my favs.  (One features Meryl Streep and the other Diane Keaton.  Two grown-ass women!)

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At this event, she talked about how difficult it was to get her movies made because they featured middle-age women/people. No matter how successful the last one was, she always had to fight to get the next one made. I thought it was ridiculous then and even more so now!  I want to see people that look like me and my friends.  When you do see us represented, we are negatively portrayed.  We are a huge segment of the population, so why are there so few roles featuring older women? And I’m not even talking 60’s and 70’s.  I’m talking 40’s and 50’s.

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You have these actresses pulling their faces until they’re unrecognizable so that they can compete for roles. Why are we not writing roles for them and their original faces? It’s as if middle-age audiences do not exist? WE’RE HERE!  WE’RE WAITING! It’s tragic to witness these beautiful women destroying their faces just so that they can continue to work. I want to see a woman my age on the screen.  I want to see some lines and some grays! I know I am not alone here when I say I want to connect with grown-women stories and experiences. We grown folks are a massive audience, and we’re not going anywhere!  (We are living longer!) Stop ignoring us!

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AND, they should have an award category at the Emmys and Oscars for older women and call it, “Least likely to be shown in a sexualized way!” It’s so sad.  I see actresses (some that rarely work and others still working) posing on Instagram damn near nude. Why? Why do we feel the need to do this just to be noticed?  These are beautiful women.  Not judging.   Just makes me sad.  Are we living for the comments confirming our beauty?  How hot we are? 

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And while I am ranting about being ignored by industries, let’s talk about the music industry. Where are all the artists making music for us grown ups? We have been around long enough to know how it’s supposed to sound. I don’t want to hear some guy mumbling, sounding like he has a mouthful of marbles over some repetitive torturous sample he borrowed from some real musicians! Or worse, no music at all just “a beat!” Wtf is a “beat?”  I appreciate technology when it makes things better, but you cannot program soul and emotion.  And drum machines have no soul. And Bob, I will take “What is an arrangement for $200!” Another example of how newer isn’t always better.  It’s just newer.

I am so glad I grew up when I did.  I, like many of you, grew up with real live instruments, real bands and real songs. Horn sections! (remember those?) Compositions! The brilliance of Maurice White and Earth, Wind & Fire.  Yeah, some of our generation’s artists might have been singing about doing something to someone, but we were a little more subtle. Well, maybe not Marvin.  “Your sure love to ball…..”  Okay, Ohio Players “Sweet Sticky Thing,” probably wasn’t about a cinnamon bun either! Teddy Pendergrass was a bit bossy and wanted you to “Turn off the Lights,” but he did have you light a candle!  See romance! Okay, they weren’t all subtle, but the delivery was smooth as hell.  It wasn’t offensive! (WAP? really?) The music was either fun, (Kool & The Gang wanted us to “Celebrate Good Times,” Chic’s song, “Good Times,” again, just wanted us to have fun, romantic or delivered a meaningful message. For instance, let’s take ALL of Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On,” still as relevant, as it was in 1971 when it was released.  (Just like us! WE ARE STILL RELEVANT!) That is why you hear the music of that era in almost every damn commercial now!  Because it was great music. 

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Anyway, back to the now.  Where is the  new music for us? We don’t have WAP and we’re really not trying to hear about it! We have DAP and we’re not trying to hear a song about that either! But we’re still here!  I get it. It’s not for us. But where’s ours? We still want to listen to music.  Please make some music we want to hear!  It’s quite sad.  You have artists that have been around for a while. Decades now.  They started making music in their 20’s and now in their 50’s they’re still attempting to make music for the 20 and 30 somethings, instead of growing up with their audience and making music that their 50 year old audience wants to hear.  Remember when talent trumped(I hate even using that word) appearance? Now you can have mediocre talent, but as long as you can twerk….. Maybe it’s the labels like the studios and not the artists trying to be relevant for the youth instead of their peers! IGNORING US.

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Okay, back to TV and film because music just pisses me off.  Actress Julianne Moore said in People Magazine (no, I don’t read it, but I did some research) “Everyone is aging.  When people try to stop the process, it always ends in disaster.” She feels it is important to be where you are. I’m trying Jules.  I’m trying! Jessica Lange said “You don’t see women in their 60’s playing romantic leads, yet you will see men in their 60’s playing romantic leads with costars who are decades younger.”  (Shocking!  Older men and younger women! Noooooo!) Yo Jessica!  You don’t see that outside of Hollywood either.   

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I’m sure there are older women playing leading ladies outside of acting.  You know, in real life. (Just, not in my circles or my life!)  If you have never watched Grace & Frankie staring Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda, do yourself a favor.  Please Do!  I loved that this Netflix series tackled the idea of aging and reinventing yourself.  And demonstrating that it might be DAP, but older women still have sex, whether society wants to know about it or not!  Lily’s character even starts a company making Lube for all the DAPs!  Ageism is alive and well, on screen and off!  Fonda says, “Men are very visual.  They want young women.” So women as a result, typically obsess over “looking” young.  (So they can be desirable and pose half naked on instagram!)  Meanwhile, you’re watching his glasses thicken and his hair line thinning, but he’s “distinguished.” We women are under so much pressure to appear ageless. Why? We aren’t ageless.  None of us. We are all aging! Including the folks making all the damn decisions.  Every day we wake up a day older.  But, we woke up, so stop ignoring us as if we are invisible, or worse dead!

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It’s total BS that we have to try to be something we are not.  YOUNG.  My girlfriend recently turned 60 and said to me, “I don’t want to get old!”  I had to correct her.  “No, you want to get old.  You don’t want to feel or look old, but you want to get old.  Only other option is to get dead!”  But I know what she was saying.  It’s total bS that society favors youth as if there is no value to being grown.  We have lived.  We have lessons to teach.  We have valuable experiences to share.  We have talents!  We have interests.  We’re f’n fierce!

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So here is the message! We want to be entertained by folks that look like we look.  We want to hear songs that aren’t about wet body parts! And we, like every other living creature on this earth want to be acknowledged and appreciated. Is that too much to ask?  You don’t have to whistle. Hello works. And I’m sorry.  I have to ask this.  Kinda off topic…Why does every weather woman look like she just left the club? What’s with boobs and weather? I’m sorry. I’m just curious.

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I hate to admit it, but I find myself envious of younger women partly because I wasted so many of my younger years doing stupid shit.  Don’t miss what you have until it’s gone. It’s stupid, I know.  A total waste of time and energy! I’m just being honest and it may sound shallow, vain or insecure, but it’s just how I feel now and again.  Not all the time.  I just have my days. (like today) Feeling invisible  can screw with your head. (If you let it!) I know I must learn to embrace the beauty of this age and find comfort and confidence in the skin that I’m in, whether it sags a bit or not.  I’ve said it before and I must remind myself daily, “Aging is a gift” that not everyone receives.

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BUT…..that being said, I remind myself and all of you, that we have a lot of power.  We are living longer.  We are a HUGE SEGMENT of the population. We control a lot of money. We are reinventing ourselves.  For everything we think we have lost, we have gained something.  Experience.  Knowledge.  Strength. We have to honor those strengths and make our power known.  If we can’t see ourselves on TV, turn it off.  If we can’t see ourselves at the movies, stop going.  We may not be able to avoid aging, but we can avoid feeling bad about it.  We can embrace our power and put it to good use.   

And newsflash!  We are a gold mine for the folks that finally figure that S#*T out!  And to all those that gave my home girl Nancy Meyers a hard time, I have two words for you.  You suck!