My Black is NOT Cracking.

Aging is like truth serum.  Is it me, or as you age, doesn’t seem to be a helluva lot easier to be honest, not only with yourself, but others?

Maybe you just stop worrying about what will happen if……. You realize that whatever happens, it probably won’t kill you.  I guess that is what is meant by becoming fearless.  I’m working on it!

That said, I was hesitant to write about this topic. I hope no one misinterprets the meaning and purpose of this post. My intentions are always to help! Not to judge. Trust me when I tell you, I’m in no position to do so. So back to aging and truth…

The less time you think you have, the less time you want to waste living lies, giving your precious time to undeserved individuals, or people you realize you never really liked in the first damn place. You tolerated them and now you don’t feel the need to continue to do so.  (“Well there’s one call I no longer need to make! Whew!”)  In some ways, I don’t care what others think.  But in other ways, I ask myself daily, “What is this or that person thinking?  What the hell is their problem? Why did they just do that?”

So, here is something I’ve been wondering about….

And before you read any further, please don’t get me wrong here. I’m not against weed. It’s just not my thing. To each his own. And I’m not judging how folks choose to let loose, wind down and chill out. Do your thing. I’m talking about the difference between wanting and needing. And feel free to pIck whatever drug you want. Pot. PIlls. Liquor. Food. (for some food is the drug)

I spent a whole lot of time out West where weed has been legal for a while, and happy hour is just what you did after work. Sadly, for us non-potsters you couldn’t walk down the street or sit on your own balcony for that matter, without getting a contact high. (Get a gummy! Damn! Do I walk around pouring wine on folks?  Nope!)

And I wondered when I was awakened, pretty much daily (at 7:00 AM no less) to the smell of someone smoking weed, what could be wrong with them!  

As a result of leaving my windows open, I came home pretty much nightly to an apartment that smelled like a dispensary. I often thought to myself, “Why does someone need to be high all the time?  Why does someone need to wake up and get high?”  Wake and bake is what I was told this process was called.  It is so common it has a f-n name! Why does it seem that everyone is high? You literally cannot walk a block in LA, and now NJ, without smelling weed.

I’m sure there are health benefits for some, and certainly a better option than pharmaceuticals! (Especially for menopausal women! That post is coming.) I know that some folks deal with chronic physical pain, or medical issues that are relieved by weed.  I’m all good with that.  But that’s only some folks.  What’s up with the rest of the population? (Not the casual users…..the every day or all day users.) Do they just need to be high to deal with unhappiness?  Is weed just another drug masking the symptoms rather than addressing the underlying cause.  The DIS-EASE!

But, this post really isn’t about weed. It’s about why so many folks want or need to be high so often. Why does everyone seem so damn unhappy?  Why are folks baking their brains? Of course, there’s crazy going on in the world. We are coming off a tough year and a half. Many are still struggling, losing their homes, gone through their savings, IF they were fortunate enough to have any! These are stressful times. It is totally normal to be anxious and need a little relief.

Weed has been around since forever and alcohol since the beginning or time! People have always found a way to get high. It just feels like it is on a whole other level now. Were this many folks breaking the law? Not judging! But again, I ask, why do so many feel the need to be high EVERY DAY. Why am I smelling weed on my way to get my morning coffee or on my morning walk?

I guess one could say, for the same reason people go to happy hour to drink after work.  I mean for some, it’s just socializing.  They go out rather than go home to be alone.  I get that part. I’ve been there.

It is also a time to decompress and release the stress of the day after a long workday.   (Although tea and a yoga class would work as well and be a slightly healthier option!) But hey, I used to do it. And, for me, there were a few reasons. I enjoy the taste of wine and I enjoy a good conversation or meeting new and interesting people. (if I happened to be solo.) On occasion, however, it wasn’t about being social. Sometimes, there was a desire to numb up and quiet the voices of dissatisfaction in my head. I’m sure a lot of folks go out to be social. They’re not just out to drown their sorrows or mask their pain. This is not for them.

It’s for those that go to happy hour, but not to get happy. They go to get numb.  So, why do so many of us want to be numb is the question. I know what my reasons were.

So many of us feel lost because we are doing what we think we’re supposed to do.  As a result, we feel awful and empty inside.  We feel purposeless. We might feel bored. Hopeless. Maybe we are doing a job that we think we’re supposed to do and living a life we think we’re supposed to live, or one that our parents wanted us to live.

It’s quite possible that some forms of depression and bad moods are just a big ass STOP sign pointing us in another direction.  A sign that we are heading down a one-way street in the wrong direction.  Maybe these feelings are a wakeup call!  A fire alarm! Telling us to run for our lives!

So many of us are not doing what we want or need to be doing for our TRUE selves. We’re living a lie. Maybe we don’t want to be a VP at a bank, high-profile attorney or fill in the blank with whatever fits for you.

If the pandemic taught us nothing, it taught us to be creative. Many a millionaire was born during this tragic, uncertain, and stressful time.  

Social media has made millionaires out of people doing little more than posing. Photographing what they wear, what they eat, and what they do. ALL DAY!  TMI!!!!!  Some just living their lives and sharing every, (often mundane) moment. Which tells me you can pretty much make a living doing any damn thing.

These folks have created brands, just by living their lives!  I don’t know about you, but that tells me, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to be miserable doing things that they hate because they feel they must. There’s no better time to make a living being you. Just sharing what you love or what you know can become a business. Maybe not overnight, but you never know until you try. Is it easy? Hell no! Ask me. I know. But it is necessary.

I’m good with numbers and I got comfortable doing something I knew how to do. (Not something that I enjoyed.)  I made a living from a skill I had and I’m grateful that I was able to. But now I’m ready to find a way to make a living off of something I actually enjoy. I’m ready to be my true creative self instead of hiding in my comfort zone with an adding machine.  (That’s right!  I’m old.  10 key by touch dammit!)

I believe this world is filled with a lot of unhappy people, as well as quite a few undiagnosed mental illness patients.  (I blame the chemicals in so-called food!  Don’t get me started on that!) But I don’t believe for one second, that this applies to most of the population. In my opinion, a whole lot of unhappiness is stemming from living the lie and from a lack of honesty and integrity.

I personally believe that integrity and honesty could be the cure for unhappiness for so many.  The definition of integrity not only means “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles,” it also means, “the state of being whole and undivided!” While honesty implies “being truthful. To tell the truth and being true.”

Okay, so back to the need for so many to be high all the time?  Perhaps it’s denial about mental illness that may stem from a chemical imbalance, or some health issue, or needing therapy to deal with some past trauma.

But what if it’s the misery that comes from living a lie? (whether professional, personal, or both.) Pretending to be someone or something that you are NOT!

Most people hate their jobs.  I believe that is a statistical fact.  Some dislike their partner or spouse, but they stay with both!  

We have all made bad decisions.  Some more than others.  I know for damn sure, I earned my Girl Scout “Bad Decision Badge!” But we cannot waste time, especially as we age, (no one should really) looking back.  That is certainly NOT the cure for unhappiness!  Trust me.  It has been a bad habit of mine for many years.  (Living in the rear-view mirror.)

BUT, let’s face it.  The cure for unhappiness is not stuffed in a pipe, rolled in some papers, or sucked out of a bottle. 

It might just be the need to accept the truth of who you are, what you need, what you want, and what makes you feel good!  Honesty. Integrity. Finding a way to move in that direction.

Think about how you can shine and how you can give.  What makes me happy is sharing what I feel is useful and helpful information.  Being creative.  Making people laugh (at me or at themselves) and making them feel better.  Info-taining and Edu-taining. Speaking for myself, the more I do it, the better I feel. It’s a process for sure and not always easy, but I’m building a life (better late than never) that I don’t feel the need to escape from.

Honesty and Integrity (being your whole self!) might just lead to happiness and I’m guessing being happy being you, beats the hell out of being high.