My Black is NOT Cracking.

I'm not Aging. I'm appreciating in value!

Don’t Sweat it? WRONG! SWEAT IT!

KAVON

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October 25, 2021

Photo by Skyler King

So, here’s the deal and this isn’t new info. We’ve been exposed to all sorts of environmental toxins since like FOREVER. Lucky for us, we have an internal detox system whose job it is to eliminate them.  

That system includes our liver, kidneys, digestive tract, as well as our skin!  They work together to excrete these toxins through our urine, stool and, you guessed it!  SWEAT!

Now, this detoxification is a challenging job for even a healthy body considering the number of toxins we are exposed to daily.  Even the healthiest of bodies are overwhelmed by these toxins and as a result, our health is affected.  Sadly, a number of us don’t really fit into that “healthiest of bodies” category.  Dare I say, a GREAT NUMBER of us.  Herein lies the problem.  Our bodies are overloaded with toxins, and they are doing a number on us.

Many people fail to realize when they reach for all those toxic products, that what you put on your body, you put in your body.  Dr. Mark Hyman writes in his Longevity Roadmap about a study that found the average person ingests “five grams of plastic weekly!”  And we wonder why our hormones are out of whack!

According to a study by the National Academy of Sciences, 95% of chemicals used in synthetic fragrances contain toxic ingredients!

I was listening to an episode of Dr. Hyman’s podcast, The Doctor’s Farmacy and heard Dr. Daniel Amen state (Just started reading his NY Times Bestseller “Magnificent Mind at Any Age.” Stay tuned for more.) that 60% of lipsticks contain lead.  He referred to it as “The Deadly Kiss.” Something as harmless as lipstick can adversely affect our health. 

Now throw in the shampoo, body care productions, the clothing, the air, the carpet, the food, the packaging, and we are screwed!  Factor in the pesticides, herbicides and fungicides sprayed on our food.  Some of these “cides” have been linked to chronic diseases like diabetes, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, cancer and even obesity. By now we have all heard about the evidence linking Roundup weed killer (active ingredient, glyphosate) to non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. And I’ve written in previous posts about hormone disrupting BPA which is found in plastics.

Toxins, which are attracted to fats, accumulate in our fatty tissue causing inflammation.  And inflammation is pretty much at the root of all evil. (Inflammation serves a purpose, until like everything else, there’s too much of it, and it becomes chronic.)

Like that pot of pasta you put on the stove with the lid only to come back and find that it’s spilling over into the burner, we are boiling over (Using that as an example, not a suggestion!) with toxins.

So, other than taking extra care of our detox organs by drinking plenty of water, (not from plastic bottles!) limiting alcohol, (insert big-eyed emoji here!) watching what we eat, (Not as in watching in the mirror, but mirrors help.  Hint. Hint.) paying attention to what we put on and, in our bodies, what else can we do? 

BUST A SWEAT!

And I know as a black woman, that’s a tall order even if you wear a natural hairstyle.  (Which contrary to popular belief is also work to maintain!) The struggle is real.  I get it.  I live it. We’re trying to maintain our fabulous hairstyles.  But we need to figure something out because it is super important to SWEAT!  When I suggested this to my hairstylist daughter, she looked at me as if I had two heads.  (If I keep ingesting toxins, I might eventually have two damn heads!) So, what about taking a steam shower, hot bath, or sauna (if available!) the day of your hair appointment?  In addition to saunas, hot baths and steam showers, there is also an even more beneficial way to sweat……

Resistance and endurance exercises work!!!!  Whatever it takes to bust a sweat.  Sweating is detoxifying.  Sweat helps to remove some of those excess toxins from our bodies.

Studies like the blood, urine, sweat (BUS) study, published in 2012, have shown that sweating is an extremely effective means of detoxification and eliminating toxins, such as heavy metals, BPA’s found in EVERYTHING, (Again, plastic is a big one!) phthalates found in makeup, deodorant and even nail polish. Yup.  Those nails look amazing coated in toxins…NOT!

three women in a steam room
Photo by Ron Lach

Now if you are lucky enough to have access to a sauna here are some tips:

  • Check with your doctor before starting a regular sauna practice. He might look at you cluelessly.  If you get the green light, work your way up on heat and time.  Start with 5-10 minutes max.
  • Drink plenty of water! Preferably those enhanced with electrolytes.
  • Work your way up to no more than 20 minutes and be sure to take cool off breaks.

Not only will the sauna help you sweat out toxins, it’s also been shown to help reduce inflammation and improve cardiovascular health.  But again, make sure you don’t have any health issues that would prohibit the use of a sauna.

Then, go ahead and sweat it!

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ONE FINAL MESSAGE! I’M TAKING A MUCH NEEDED VACATION! DID I SAY MUCH? I DID. OKAY. ONE MORE TIME. MUCH NEEDED VACATION. I will be back with more anti-crack in November!

It’s About Time – Making our Hours, Ours!

KAVON

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October 19, 2021

Photo by Joshua Hoehne

I’ve been thinking a lot about time.  And, not to sound all doom and gloom, just thinking about prioritizing what’s left of my time.

It was just June!  How is it October?  Where did the time go? I find myself obsessing over time.

I mean, let’s just say I expect to live to be 90. Not an unrealistic expectation if I take care of myself. (100 isn’t crazy!)  But let’s be conservative and go with 90. That means I have a total of 4680 weeks in my life.  I’ve used about 3100 already and it feels like the last 60 weeks (hell years!) flew by!

My biological clock is ticking.  Everyone’s is.  Thank goodness, it hasn’t stopped. Real talk. When it’s Friday and everyone else is excited, I’m actually a little sad because the week flew by.  So many of us live for the weekends.  We’ve done that dumb shit most of our lives. Why?  Most of us are or have been living for Saturday because we don’t enjoy Monday through Friday.  Again, why?  Because we don’t enjoy how we spend our time.  Most just don’t enjoy their work.  And since we spend the majority of our lives working, that’s pretty sad. 

I know this because, for many years, I too waited for the weekends.  Then one day, I finally figured out that I needed to find a way to schedule some joy and self-love into my day EVERY DAY.   I knew I needed to figure out how to at least enjoy part of the day, daily!  I made the decision to get a little stingy with my time and put myself at the top of my daily to-do list. 

I started getting up early so that I could take walks, work out, write and sometimes just sit quietly.  The first three hours of my day were mine and I refused to let anyone steal them from me.  I rarely, if ever answered the phone.  I never checked email, and at the time, wasn’t on any social media platforms.  My focus was on doing things that I loved for at least part of my day, while I worked on making them a full-time reality.

I believe with my whole heart, when you are doing something you love, it’s not work.  When you wake up every day excited about the possibilities, you don’t give a shit what day of the week it is.  Now I admit, I still looked forward to Saturdays because I had the whole day to do what I wanted to do for myself.  I made sure I did my grocery shopping during the week, so at best, I might be hitting a farmer’s market, which for me was never a chore.  Anyone that has read my posts, knows that I love the farmer’s market.

But back to time.  I’ve been obsessing over time for a few months now.  Probably all year.  I started thinking about how we used to have this large clock on the kitchen wall in my house for years.  (You know, the house I loved that still can’t believe I don’t live in! I know.  Don’t look back.) It was the loudest clock ever and it annoyed the hell out of me.  You know the kind of clock that you would see on the classroom wall in school.  The nonstop clicking of that 2nd hand drove me insane.  I wanted to rip it off the wall, but it was one of the few things I allowed my husband to contribute to my domain.  (The kitchen!) 

I hated that clock.  It was interfering with my peace and quiet.  The only sounds I wanted to hear were the birds and the stream outside my door. Okay, Kay.  You’ll have peace again.  You’ll have peace again.  You’ll have a real kitchen again.  Breathe!

Anyway.  Back to that loud ass clock.  That’s how I currently feel about my biological clock.  It is super loud right now.  I hear it ticking all day, every day and once again, it’s driving me nuts.  It’s drowning out my peace and quiet.  (Internally that is!  Because where I am right now, for damn sure isn’t peaceful and quiet in terms of external noise…… Kay.  You’ll have peace again.  You’ll have peace again.) But lately, it is louder than my thoughts.  Above all else, I hear that damn clock ticking.  In all honesty, it’s causing me to experience a little anxiety.

And while I try to slow it down physically, (Hell, turn it back to the degree that it is possible!  And it is.) unlike a clock during daylight savings time, there is no setting It back.   And since kicking the bucket isn’t an option, (too much left to do here!)  I need to accept the fact that there’s really nothing I can do to change the fact that in 19 more weeks, I will be 506, 880 hours old!  Do the math.  If you are under the age of 35, you should still be capable without the use of an electronic device.

I was listing to the Marie Forleo Podcast and something that she said just really hit home in a big way. I would have to listen again for the exact words, but it was about being true to yourself. And about deciding and committing to the number one thing that matters most to you.  And then organizing your life around getting it done without stress, overwhelm, or burnout!  A tall order perhaps.

So, what do I do with my 1580 or however many hours I might have left?  (If I keep stressing the hell out, it will be a lot less.) Here’s what I should do: 

Whatever the hell makes me feel alive!

Aging is a privilege.  Every day is an opportunity to fulfill dreams and goals or at least take steps in the direction of goals and dreams.  In doing so, our “me” time should be so exciting and energizing that we lose all track of time. (Before and after your day job, if you have one, that is!)  For me, I just have to focus more on the dreams and less on the ticking clock!  The clock is a distraction I do not need.

Truth is, time is flying and it feels the older you get, the faster it goes.  None of us knows how many more hours we have, so we can’t waste them, counting them!

That said, try to enjoy the moment you are in.  Dreams of the future are great, but it is important to find some enjoyment in the “now.”  Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, so don’t waste your now, fretting about the past or worrying about the future.  There’s no time like the present. Don’t wait for Friday to enjoy life.  Don’t procrastinate on pursuing those dreams of whatever it is that makes you happy and present!

I can’t stop the clock from ticking.  (Well, I can, but I don’t plan to! You know what I mean.)  Aging is inevitable.  We don’t have to waste our hours on meaningless crap, or people who suck the life out of us.  Time is our most precious commodity.  Use it wisely.  It’s non-renewable!

So, ask yourself, what will you do with your hours?  Drop it in the comments!

I personally need to look at the bright side. If I hadn’t been here for those 3100 hours, I would have a helluva lot less to write about!   And boy do I have some STO-RIES! 

Coming to a stage and/or a bookshelf near you.

Well, I hope a bookshelf!  I sincerely hope Bezos (aka Amazon) doesn’t kill all the bookstores!

Get a Grip! The Pressure is on – Blood Pressure that is! Hand job anyone?

KAVON

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October 11, 2021

Hand Dynamometer Grip Strength Test

How about a hand job?  I know my male subscribers are officially paying attention! Sorry! Not that kind. The kind where you take on the job, using your hands, of lowering your blood pressure.  Relax fellas. These hand grips exercises will only appeal to you if you have hypertension.  Which sadly, a huge segment of the population does! Keep reading.

According to the AHA (American Heart Associations) over 100 million folks have high blood pressure.  I’m guessing since that article was written it has increased by about 30% or more.  High blood pressure is defined as BP above 130/80.  High BP, aka Hypertension increases our risk of heart attack, stroke, as well as vision problems, especially as we age!

It is typically treated with meds such as beta blockers. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know me.  I hate drugs and I’m always searching for ways to avoid taking them.  I’m sorry. While they might put a bandaid on one problem, they’re usually creating a new one. So, I’m always online searching “Lowering Blood Pressure Without Drugs!”

Low and behold, I came across multiple sources that published research and studies on the benefits of handgrip exercises on blood pressure.  I immediately ordered one of those gizmos. (I will try anything twice! Well not anything!) I will share my purchase below. My handgrippie thing came arrived a few days ago.  (Stay tuned.)

I mean who knew that folks with high blood pressure could literally take matters into their own hands? 

And for those that might immediately brush this off as nonsense the NIH (National Institute of Health) article linked below states the following in terms of strategy to prevent and manage hypertension:

“Current guidelines recommend both aerobic and dynamic resistance exercise training modalities to reduce BP. Mounting prospective evidence suggests that isometric exercise training in normotensive and hypertensive (medicated and non-medicated) cohorts of young and old participants may produce similar, if not greater, reductions in BP.”

As far back as the 70’s two NY doctors published breakthrough papers that examined the effects of intense, whole-body isometric exercise on blood pressure. In case you don’t know exactly what isometric exercise is.  It requires you to put and hold tension on a muscle without moving it. Although it initially raised blood pressure, over time, blood pressure began to fall and remained lower.

In the early 90’s a pulmonologist Ronald Wiley from Miami University, did a study using only isometric handgrip exercises.  He had subjects exercise at 30% of their grip strength for two minutes on each hand, resting in between.  (The gizmo I ordered has a read out.  So, I squeezed as hard as I. could on each hand.  They were not identical!  And then when I did the hold, I held at 30% of that number.  Yes, you must do math!)

Wiley’s results were impressive.  After 8 weeks and performing the exercises 3 times a week, the subjects of the experiment had reduced their top number (systolic) by 10 -12.5 and up to 14.9 on the lower. (diastolic) Study after study have come to similar conclusions. 

So, how does it appear to work?  Research has shown that these hand gripping exercise briefly restrict blood flow in the forearms.  As a result, nitric oxide, a powerful dilator is released into the arteries helping to lower the blood pressure. It appears you can literally lower your blood pressure without lifting a finger! (Can’t squeeze and lift…get it?)

There are many other isometric exercises you can do that offer such benefits as:

Strengthening and conditioniong muscles

Improve bone density

Prevent injury

Improve posture

So, I’m starting today!  If you’re thinking about trying this out for yourself, there are a few important notes below!

Important: Please consult your doctor before doing hand grip exercise if you have severe hypertension (180/110mmHg or more).

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDS!  BUT IF YOU HAVE A MONITOR, AS I DO, AND WE ALL SHOULD, TRY IT!   WORSE CASE YOU’LL FIRM UP THE ARMS A LITTLE.

How and what to do:

Grip at 30% strength for 2 minutes.  Rest for 1-3 minutes in between.  Switch hands and repeat.  It is suggested you do 4 times and 3-4 times a week!

I purchased the Gripx Dynamometer on Amazon for $27.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29665844/#:~:text=Results%3A%20Handgrip%20strength%20was%20positively,CI%3A%201.04%2D1.48).

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Kill’em with Kindness & Save Yourself – Kindness is a Healthy Habit!

KAVON

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October 4, 2021

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” —Dalai Lama

In researching my post on reducing stress I came across some really interesting information.  It appears that evidence exists that kindness offers physiological benefits that are the opposite of the effects of stress.

As I stated in previous posts, (link below) stress causes our adrenals to produce the stress hormones, cortisol, and adrenalin. Kindness, on the other hand, results in the production of oxytocin. (aka The Happy Hormone!). Those warm feelings we experience are not just in our heads.  Well, they kinda start out in our heads with the chemicals in our brains. 

“According to Dr. David R. Hamilton, acts of kindness create emotional warmth, which releases a hormone known as oxytocin. Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide, which dilates the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure and, therefore, oxytocin is known as a “cardioprotective” hormone. It protects the heart by lowering blood pressure.”

Wait?  So, I can low my blood pressure just by being kind?  It appears so! But, there’s more!

Oxytocin has been shown to reduce stress and inflammation in our immune cells as well.  And who can’t use a strengthened immune system right now? In addition, it helps to reduce the free radicals that can result in disease!

Frequent hugs are also associated with higher oxytocin levels and lower blood pressure.  Just a 20-second hug can trigger a release of oxytocin. A simple friendly exchange like smiling at someone and having them smile back at you works as well! Our hearts actually have oxytocin receptors that can help it to heal from stress-induced damage.  

(I guess I better get to hugging!  I imagine it still works with a mask on. Although it’s not social distancing, is it?). How ironic.  The easiest thing we could have done to strengthen immune function during this horrible pandemic, we were unable to do!)

Oxytocin, produced by the hypothalamus, is a hormone that functions as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In addition to controlling aspects of the reproductive system, childbirth, and lactation, it is considered the driving force behind caregiving and attraction to others. Not only is it released during sex, it is also released during social bonding.  It plays a role in establishing and maintaining relationships. Once it hits our brains, it has the power to impact our emotional behaviors including, empathy and compassion; creating feelings of trust and connection. 

Kindness also stimulates our other happy hormones like serotonin, and dopamine resulting in feelings of satisfaction and well-being. Serotonin is also responsible for mood regulation and helps to calm our asses down!  Most importantly, it helps to reduce the production of stress hormones and we all know what damage those hormones can do!  If not, read my last post.

In addition to the biologically healthy effects of kindness and compassion, there are anti-aging benefits as well. While stress can speed up the aging process, acts of kindness can actually slow it down. Basically, kindness and compassion can have powerful biological effects not only on how healthy you are, but how well and how long you live.

A 2019 study published in the Journal of Social Psychology tested whether performing different types of kindness activities impacted happiness. Researchers found that performing kindness activities for a week increased happiness levels in the participants. Clearly, a kindness-happiness relationship exists. 

And being kind doesn’t have to cost you money or take too much of your time, although it appears to be well worth it. All you need to do is show a little love and compassion to the folks around you.

So, let’s all set a goal to be kind to people.  Some days, it feels challenging. Trust me.  I know!  But make the effort even if for selfish reasons!  Whatever you need to do to establish the habit.  Like Nike says, JUST DO IT!

Research has confirmed that kindness and generosity are also contagious.

How about a bonus round?  Get this!  Studies have also indicated that acts of kindness positively affect both the giver and the receiver!  See!  If you need a selfish reason, there it is!

If what is going on in the world tells us nothing else, it tells us there is a need for kindness and compassion.  Smile at someone scowling.  Say good morning to everyone whether they speak to you or not.  They heard you!

Surprise someone with a kind gesture they never expected.  The nastier they look, the nicer you should be to them.  (LOL worst case, you annoy the shit out of them and get a good laugh, which is also healthy for YOU!)

“We all seek a path to happiness,” says Dr. Waguih William IsHak, a professor of psychiatry at Cedars-Sinai. “Practicing kindness toward others is one we know works.”

Last, but certainly not least….

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you!  We are great at beating ourselves up.  We have mastered verbally abusing ourselves.  We say things to ourselves we would NEVER say to anyone else.  It is not just how you treat other people — it is how you extend those same behaviors to yourself as well.

Kindness cannot only positively impact your brain, it can impact your immune function, your heart, and your mortality. 

So go ahead, hold that elevator door.  Stop pushing that close button! You saw them coming!

Check out Dr. David Hamilton’s FREE course below. Educating all about the power of kindness!

https://david-hamilton.mykajabi.com/thebiologyofkindness

Stressed Out about Stress? – Do or Die Tips to Combat Stress & Adrenal Fatigue
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Stressed Out about Stress? – Do or Die Tips to Combat Stress & Adrenal Fatigue

KAVON

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September 27, 2021

stress handwritten text on white printer paper
Photo by Pedro Figueras

I’ve mentioned this in many a post, but one of the biggest health challenges I currently face seems to be managing stress.  Although I have put myself on a restricted Don Lemon diet (no I’m not eating Don Lemon or following some Don Lemon diet plan!  I’m talking watching Don Lemon!)  I definitely need to do more.  It’s obviously not just CNN and the news that is stressing me out.  We all have crap to deal with.  Stressful jobs.  Many of us, as a result of the pandemic have more bills than money.  We have family members that are ill, (or worse) and just folks we, unfortunately, no matter how hard we try, WORRY ABOUT.  The stressors are many.  But we MUST learn to manage them.  It is literally a do or die situation.

I’m having a hard time.  I exercise.  I take walks.  I’m failing miserably at my meditation and yoga program.  I promised myself I would meditate for fifteen minutes each morning, yet I find myself at my computer or notebook, toothbrush in hand, checking emails or reviewing my never-ending to do list.

Stress is bad.  Managing stress is NOT optional if you plan to live for a while.  I’ve been researching the effects of stress for a while now.  I’ve learned a lot and that’s the problem!  My inability to manage my stress is now stressing me out!  Why?  Because I’m stressed out knowing that stress has and continues to take a toll on my body.  I’m now worrying about my failure in stress management.  I swear, If it ain’t one thing, it’s three!

When one of the only doctors I’ve trusted in years said to me, “I believe your elevated blood pressure is, SITUATIONAL,” He was basically telling me that it was stress related and that he fully believed that if I could improve my “situation,” my numbers would also improve.  I cannot honestly say that I’ve been able to accomplish this.  I got rid of some stressors and replaced them with new ones.  BIGGER ONES.  I’m pretty sure if I didn’t exercise and have a decent diet, I would be long gone! Those things have countered some of the stress, but it is just not enough.

I sat down recently and wrote out the things that were stressing me out and worrying me.  Some of them I was able to work through by simply shifting my thoughts about them.  Instead of expecting a negative outcome, I decided to expect a positive one and it really helped me to worry less about those.

I changed my thoughts about money and looked more at debt as investments, rather than just debt.  Upon review, I realized that while things didn’t look so hot today, in the grand scheme of things, I was doing okay.  I’m certainly not the only person who was financially impacted by the pandemic and all things considered, I’m okay.

What worries me most now is my health. How much damage have I done to myself worrying and being stressed out?  Our bodies are equipped to handle short-term/acute stress.  Chronic, or long-term stress is a whole other thing!  Chronic stress floods our body with cortisol. But what does it do to those adrenal glands?  Well, what happens to anything when it’s overused?  It wears out.  It becomes exhausted.

I sat with a friend recently who shared her own stress story with me.  She, like me, (I’m sure!) was suffering from adrenal burnout.  The adrenals, which sit on top of your kidneys are signaled by stressors to produce cortisol, adrenaline and DHEA.  (Which is also the precursor for estrogen and testosterone which already decline as we age!  We are basically speeding things up when we stress out!) Stress is literally robbing you of your sex hormones. 

So, we are overworking those adrenals when we are stressed the hell out.  And what could possibly result from adrenal burnout you ask?  Well, you didn’t.  But once again, I’m fix’n to tell you!

  • Thyroid Issues
  • High Blood Pressure
  • Diabetes
  • Dementia – Brain shrinkage
  • Immune Issues
  • Anxiety
  • Low Energy
  • Depression
  • Craving Salt and Sugar
  • Decreased Libido
  • Low Stomach Acid
  • Joint Pain
  • Fatigue

Last, but NEVER least.  It’s prematurely AGING YOU!!!  And ladies, we are particularly vulnerable to the negative effects of stress.  Once again, we get a raw deal!  Stress has a PROFOUND effect on how we age.  Adrenal fatigue and menopause share some of the same symptoms.  (Insomnia, weight gain, depression!) Another two-fer for the females!

But it’s not just worry that can cause a stress response in our bodies.  Lack of sleep can be a factor.  What we eat can have an effect.  Yes, food can be stressful on our bodies.  Anything that causes a spike in blood sugar is a stressor.   Inflammatory foods, food allergies and sensitivities are also stressors.  Our bodies can’t really tell the difference between these types of stressors.

So, what can we do other than downward dog, breathe deeply, and run to the spa? (Which ain’t in my budget at the moment!)

The use of adaptogens is one.  Adaptogen herbs do exactly what you might think based on their name.  They help us to adapt.  They level us out!  I personally use Siberian Ginseng and Ashwagandha. But I’m inconsistent.  I need to do better. 

I take the Magnesium supplement “Calm.”  Magnesium, also known as the relaxation mineral, which many of us are deficient in, I used to take nightly. But once again, I’ve been inconsistent of late.  Mostly, too lazy to get up and mix it up! I should investigate gummies perhaps. 

Avocados, flax, pumpkin, and chia seeds, almonds, leafy green, and banana are great sources of magnesium.  Dark chocolate is one of my favorite sources, but I noticed that eating a few squares at night, might have been affecting my sleep, (Okay, more than a few squares!) so I’m going to start enjoying it earlier in the day, rather than last thing at night. 

As far as nutritional solutions, balancing blood sugar is key. Starch and sugar are biological stressors.  To prevent spikes, stick with complex carbs such as butternut squash, sweet potatoes, green peas, and healthy proteins.  Since protein takes a little longer to digest, consume with carbs help maintain your blood sugar levels.   Try sources of protein such as grass-fed meats, wild fish, eggs, hummus, nuts, and seeds. Try consuming less carbs with your dinner and up the veggies and protein.  My personal favorite is to sub out cauliflower for the starch and have a cooked green veggie and a salad as a meal.

In terms of stress reducing activities.  We all know what they are by now!

  • Exercise
  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Massage
  • Laughing
  • Singing
  • Sex (Got another one coming on this topic. Pun totally intended!)

And, if I can offer one my personal favorite stress busters it would be listening to music.  Not just any music.  Some of today’s music will really piss you off and make you angrier than the news.  Marvin Gaye’s “What’s going on,” sounds great, but could also piss you off.  Especially when you realized that it is a fifty-year old record and not much has changed! 

I’ve done the research.  It has been scientifically proven that listening to anything by Earth, Wind & Fire will immediately reduce stress.  Of course, and obvious disclaimer.  I’m not a doctor and I don’t even play one on TV, but that’s what I would prescribe if I were!  Lexipro has nothing on Maurice White.  Come on, the wrap at the end of “All about Love?” 

TRY THESE Essential Oils for Stress and Adrenal Fatigue

Stress Support Kit – https://dv216.isrefer.com/go/stresssupportminikit/kavonarts/

Adrenal –  https://dv216.isrefer.com/go/adrenal/kavonarts/

Calm – https://dv216.isrefer.com/go/calm/kavonarts/

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SEX ON THE BRAIN? – How Hormones Affect Girl Brains

KAVON

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September 20, 2021

Photo by Fakurian Design

I was listening to one of the podcasts that I subscribe to last week and the topic was the female brain, and how aging and hormones affect women’s and men’s brains differently. 

The woman was Dr. Lisa Mosconi, a Ph.D founder of Women’s Brain Initiative and associate director of the Alzheimer’s Prevention Clinic, and Assoc. Professor of Neuroscience at Weill Cornell Medicine. The topic was how genetics, environment and lifestyle shape our brains.

She said something to the effect of, “When we’re young, we’re more concerned with our bodies, but as we age, our focus shifts to concerns about our brains!”  No lie!  Although, I must admit, I’m equally concerned about both. 

I recall being overwhelmed by fear the day I got the results from a brain scan following my third, (probably 8th) concussion.  I’m like a damn NFL player without the huge salary! (And the helmet! And the odd names. And the dance moves!)

My doctor told me I had a lot of white spots on the front part of my brain.  I forget which hemisphere that is.  Apparently, it’s not the part that makes you crave French fries all the time.  That call scared the crap out of me.  The spots, he said, could be early onset Alzheimers, but they can also be from past brain trauma.  Hmmmm.  The front.  You mean the spot where the garage door came down on my head a few years earlier?  Or where I cracked my face with the car door? Mystery solved.

My cousin, a neurologist or neurosurgeon, (probably both) put my mind at ease a bit when he told me, it was probably from trauma.  After researching MS and understanding, brains can heal, like pretty much every other part of us, I’ve worried a little less about my brain, but I still want to do what I can to keep it highly functioning! (since apparently it’s a little damaged!)

I’ve taken a number of classes lately, and to be honest, I noticed that I’ve had to review things repeatedly in order to retain them.  Naturally, as we age, this is of great concern! I doubt I’m alone on that one, and I probably can’t blame the garage door.

I recall researching a while back, about how menopause and hormonal imbalances affect our brains, (Just like they do at puberty and pregnancy.) but I wanted to dig deeper.  I wanted to make sure I was doing everything I could to preserve my brain function.  And here we are again.  Back to those hormones!

While we might associate those hot flashes, anxiety, brain fog, depression, and night sweats to our body doing a number on us, it’s actually your brain. These symptoms start in your brain because your ovaries and your brain are connected.  (Not literally!)  Our ovaries and our brains communicate. They are a connected system. 

We are not just a collection of body parts as western/modern medicine would have us believe.  In traditional modern medicine, doctors treat body parts, and often to the detriment of other body parts, rather than treating the body system as a whole as they do in functional medicine. 

When changes occur in our ovaries, changes occur in our brains as well.  Our fluctuating hormones during menopause have a profound impact on our brain function.

Interesting fact.  Did you know that many evolutionists, including Charles Darwin, also taught that women were biologically inferior to men?  Carl Vogt, a University of Geneva natural history professor who accepted many of “the conclusions of Darwin,” argued that “the child, the female, and the senile white” all had the intellect and nature of the “grown up Negro.” WTH? Hell, I know some pretty smart, “grown up Negroes.”

Darwin’s view was that females were less evolved than males. His theory which he articulated in a number of books and articles influenced a generation of biologists. He believed that “Negroes and women” were intellectually inferior, so I guess I got a two-fer!  According to ole Charlie, I was apparently born with my black cracking!  The theory was based in part on the idea that women’s brains were smaller.  They are!  Duh! But in proportion to our body size.  Our heads are typically smaller!  And, while our brains might be smaller, the density of brain cells is the same!  Take that Charlie!

But do they operate the same?  Maybe not. And why not?  Hormones maybe?

While I won’t go into all the scientific differences, one in particular stood out.  According to new research from the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, women’s brains appear to be, on average, about three years younger than the brains of men of the same age. This same study suggests that sex affects how our brains age. (You may take that literally as well!)

According to research published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States, this may also play a role in our tendency to develop neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s.

Some studies suggest these anatomical differences may be due the effects of sex hormones on our brain’s development.  Well, what do you know?  Again! Back to hormones. 

Allow me to break down the way certain hormones affect our brains as we age!

Estrogen – is the hormone responsible for the sexual and reproductive development in women.  Well Aunt Ester apparently has a profound impact on brain health. You know that hormone that diminishes over time during menopause?  Yeah! That one.  Insert sad faced emoji here!

A growing body of evidence has documented estrogen’s positive effect on learning, memory, and mood, in addition to neurodegenerative processes. Therefore, hormone imbalance has a significant effect on our brain function.

Concentrations of these sex hormones, estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, as well as DHEA, can actually be higher in the brain than in the bloodstream. As a result, an imbalance of hormones can drastically affect the brain’s chemistry and communication between our brain cells (also referred to as neurotransmission).

So how does that affect us?  Let’s see….  Physically, (diabetes, thyroid issues) mentally, (brain health, memory, mood) and emotionally, (depression!) It can also negatively impact our metabolism and sleep.

Testosterone – commonly referred to as “T”, in women is produced by your ovaries.  Testosterone strengthens muscles, arteries, and nerves, including nerves in the brain. This hormone contributes to mental sharpness. Along with Alzheimer’s, low T has also been associated neurodegenerative diseases like Parkinson’s.  When it’s too low we lose muscle mass and often gain weight.  In men, well I don’t have to tell you guys what happens.    But here’s an equation that will be easy for your aging brain to remember.  Low T= ED.

Progesterone –  Research indicates that progesterone affects the central nervous system.  It has an effect on cognition and has a calming and protective effect on our brain.  Progesterone helps by reducing swelling and improving mental clarity after a traumatic brain injury.

Estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone all contribute to blood flow of the brain, protecting against loss of memory and the progression of dementia.

The Thyroid gland produces hormones that help regulate the body’s metabolic rate (How we use/burn energy), muscle control, brain development, our moods, heart function, digestive functions, as well as our bone maintenance. Any prolonged deficiency depending upon when it starts, could actually lead to brain damage.  When it’s too high, we may have a rough time sleeping.  Our hair might thin. The outer third of our damn EYEBROWS disappear! This is so me!  Anxiety.  Irregular heartbeats, although I’m not mad about the weight loss.  When it’s low you might feel fatigued, have a hard time concentrating, and feel anxious or depressed.  

Cortisol – And finally, the hormone I’m most familiar with!  Cortisol!  The “stress” hormone.  While Cortisol does help reduce inflammation, control metabolism, blood pressure and blood sugar, an excess level of cortisol (usually from prolonged stress) can result in adverse effects on the brain. (And pretty much all of your organs!) When there are high levels floating around in our bodies and brains, it can affect our cognitive abilities and memory, cause fatigue, muscle weakness, cause high blood pressure (which can lead to heart attacks and strokes) as well as bone loss!

Deficiencies and imbalances in these hormones can result in brain-related issues.  These imbalances, if not addressed, can have both short-term, as well as long-term effects!

So, what can we do to protect our girl brains?  (and boys)   We can implement dietary and lifestyle changes that support hormone balance for starters. 

Start by consuming an anti-inflammatory diet. Choose healthy fats like avocados, salmon, coconut, and fish oil.  Eating Foods rich in B Vitamins helps balance estrogen.  Become aware of what your food ate! What did they feed the cow, chicken, pig or even the fish, if farmed! Often, they are fed hormones! Go for wild, hormone-free, and organic whenever possible.

Avoid toxins!  Toxins can really screw up hormonal balance.  Avoid environmental toxins like pesticides and plastic!  Watch out for the packaging and drink from glass whenever possible! Skip the straw or get a reusable metal one.

Lastly, if you are like me, you need to seriously learn to manage your stress.  EXERCISE.  EXERCISE.  EXERCISE.  MEDITATE.  YOGA.  DEEP BREATHING.  SLEEP.  LAUGH.

As we and our ovaries age, they just don’t properly perform their function, which is to help regulate estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels.  This lovely stage is call menopause. (andropause for the boys!)

Okay.  Ready for some good news?  Of course, you are!  The female brain becomes more stable after menopause.  We become less reactive to stress and typically, less emotional. I like to call it the IDGAF age!  Our focus tends to shift inward. Ideally, we focus more on ourselves, our health, and our OWN well-being!

So, let’s try to keep those hormones NATURALLY BALANCED and our brains functioning at a high level so we can enjoy this time in our lives.

As always, balance is key!

Minimalism – When less is MORE!

KAVON

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September 13, 2021

Photo by Cathy Smith

I was online last weekend looking at tiny homes.  As if.  My current closet could double as a tiny home!

I also watched a Netflix doc on minimalism.  Basically, it’s about rediscovering or discovering the important things in life. (Getting rid of the rest!) And while I have no desire to live out of a backpack with 7 pairs of drawers with a red pair to separate the dirty from the clean, I do have to say that I’ve given quite a bit of thought lately to the subject of excess.  Excess stuff.  Excess everything!

My “stuff” is currently in three places.  Some of it is in the basement of my “primary residence.”  Some of it is in the basement of my rental property.  Some of it is in storage in LA.  I have no idea what is where and I haven’t known for almost a year now.   It is upsetting not knowing where your “stuff” is for a year.  Stuff you worked hard to acquire.  Stuff you took the time to select.  The question is, why?  Some of that stuff has been in boxes since 2017!  That’s four years without my “stuff.”  If I haven’t seen it in four years, do I need it?  (Did I ever?)

I miss my cookbooks more than anything because I referred to them often. I read cookbooks like other folks read novels.  I miss my kitchen equipment, but since I don’t currently have what I consider to be a real, functional kitchen, I have no place for most of it.  And yet, I’ve eaten great, healthy meals without my kitchen “stuff.”  Yes, tools matter for sure.  The right tools make the job so much easier.  The right tools are timesavers! But, I managed to eat, and eat well.

So, I got to thinking about “stuff.”  And the stress that I have experienced, from being separated from my “stuff,” that I obviously do not need.  But, why?

I have also been missing the house I sold in 2016.  I loved my house.  I shed many a tear and a whole bunch of sweat renovating that house over a 15-year period to get it to the house that I dreamed of. But when I think about it, I miss the location even more than the house because it was PEACEFUL. I can’t say that I’ve had that kind of peace since selling.  So, do I miss the house, or do I just miss peace? The house was too big.  It was close to 4000 sq ft and 2800 of those were only used for an annual party or semiannual entertaining.  I spent more time on the deck, than I did in the house. 

My little slice of heaven!

That tells me that I don’t need 4000 sq feet of house and what matters most to me is peace and outdoor space, not interior square footage.  It wasn’t the size.  It was the location.  I don’t miss a big house full of stuff.

The bigger the house, the bigger the headache.  More isn’t always better. Sometimes, it’s just more.  Half the house would have cost half the money when the roof needed replacing!  That extra cost could have stayed in my bank account and paid for my Martha’s Vineyard Rental for a few weeks! (Something that would have given me pleasure and great memories.)  Not that not having a roof leak wasn’t a good thing! But you get the point.  I spent a whole lot of money on space I never used!  Most of it, storing “stuff!”  Stuff cost money!  Lots of stuff, can cost lots of money.  Storing stuff costs lots of money.  I had stuff in storage for 7 years.  I could have bought all new stuff from the storage payments alone.  But I wanted my stuff!

But is there a greater cost to “stuff” than just buying it?  What is the actual price tag for excess? More stuff to worry about? What is wrong with so many of us that we are trying to fill up our lives with excess stuff?  And the more stuff we get, the more stuff we want.  The bigger the house, the more stuff we need to fill it!

Why has excess suddenly become “need?” Why do we THINK we need so much? Why do we need hair down to our knees and eye lashes that can generate hurricane-force wind when we blink?  Why do we need nails long enough to scratch our ankles from a standing position?  Why do we need asses we can set our drinks on? (I’m referring to extreme implants only.)

Even current styles center around the extreme. How big does an ass need to be?  (Ok fellas, don’t answer that!) How long does hair need to be?  What’s with the Rapunzel syndrome? (No lie. Watched a chick give herself whiplash because she closed her hair in the car door and tried to walk away!) Do we not feel beautiful without long hair, excess nails, and eyelashes? When did Bozo the clown hair color and hooker couture become a fashion statement?  Is it because we NEED attention? Lots and lots of attention! (Or we feel the need to follow every trend no matter how ridiculous. Not that in the 70’s our giant afros might not be considered the equivalent!) Do we not feel fulfilled or happy without a house full of stuff and a shit ton of attention?  (Yes, styles change, and I know I’m showing my age, but the clown thing…….is it just me? Really ya’ll?)

Here’s another example of wanting something I didn’t need. Excess apartment. When I was looking at apartments, I said, “well, I have to have a 2nd bedroom in case people visit.  I have to have a place for them to sleep.”  It was the leasing agent that said, “we have guest apartments.  No need to pay for an extra room all year that you might use three weeks out of the year, if that!  Just rent the guest apartment when you have visitors.”  I did the math.  He was right.  I had a guest for exactly one week that year.  I save thousands because I didn’t get more than I needed! 

Now when I started working at home it made sense because it was great to have a separate workspace.  And I was saving money on not having a commute.  It paid for itself! Sometimes, more makes sense.  Sometimes, it’s just more.  That extra rent went into the bank and became savings and cushion which in turn, reduced stress!  Plus, I used some of that money to get a stress-reducing massage a few times a month! 

Excess is costly.  Excess is clutter.  Clutter causes stress!  And we all know by now that stress is prematurely aging us all.

Stuff isn’t just physical weight.  It’s emotional weight.  It’s literally baggage! And you know as a matter of fact, I’m tired of calling it stuff and prefer to just call it what most of it is.  SHIT!  I think I will.

I helped my friend clean out her basement this past weekend.  She was getting rid of stuff, and I was reminded of how I felt when I got a dumpster to get rid of excess stuff that accumulated in the garage before selling the house.  There was just so much SHIT!  Just looking at it was exhausting.  It felt amazing looking at that dumpster full of crap we hadn’t used or needed for years.  The garage was clean and neat, and you no longer had to waste VALUABLE time rummaging through crap looking for one of the few things you actually needed!   

How many times have you searched frantically for something, totally freaking out, and stressed out trying to find it?  Purging is a great feeling.  Lightening your load has tremendous benefits.

What about how we accumulated so much stuff in the first place?  We spend a lot of time on the hunt.   Chasing “things.”  Things we believe will make us happy.  Often, we become a slave to those things.  Success, sadly seems to be measured by the number of “things”, or how much “stuff” we have.  And it never seems to be enough.  There is a constant craving for more. 

TV and social media certainly don’t help.  They are constantly showing us everyone else’s stuff.  Celebrities posing in mansions and next to cars that you can’t even really drive here in this country. (Legally)  There is no road in the US that I’m aware of that you can drive 120 miles per hour on! 

Hey, if you want it and can afford it, you should have it.  Not hating on anyone.  That is not the purpose of this post. There is nothing wrong with being able to afford what you want!  It’s just never a good idea to compare yourself to others to the point that you feel bad. It’s also not a good idea to try to constantly obtain things so that you can feel better about yourself.   It doesn’t work!  Look at the number of wealthy, but miserable folks out there.  You can’t fill a hole in yourself with “stuff.” There’s nothing wrong with doing or living well, but living well should be about how you feel, and not the number of “things” you have acquired. 

And speaking of things we acquire! Real talk. Things are cheaper because they aren’t made like they used to be.  The quality in most cases is not there. So, because it’s cheaper, we buy more of it.  “It was so cheap, I bought six!”

Outside of designer and couture, clothing is cheap because much of it is made in sweat shops.  Unsustainable.  We trash things when they are no longer fashionable, rather than unusable. And manufacturers and marketers control what is fashionable.  They constantly change the styles, so you must buy more to keep up!  I have always been someone who wore what they liked or wanted to and paid a little less attention to trends. 

But marketers have most of us chasing these trends, and making us feel as if we are out of style. We might not get rid of it, but we stop wearing it.  WE often just end up with too much shit and when we do get rid of things, they end up in a landfill.  (And then we replace it!) And let’s talk about how the making of all this crap is affecting our planet.  Think about all of the energy and fuel used to make all this stuff we don’t need! Think about the time, energy, and money spent repairing all this mess! All these things are polluting our planet.

As humans we have strong attachments to objects.  We live in a materialistic society. We chase status symbols.  We want to look the part.  It doesn’t help that we cannot escape being advertised to.  It’s everywhere!  TV.  The phone.  Bus stops.  Restaurant bathrooms! Taxis.  Sporting events.  Billboards. You see all the new things these companies insist that you MUST have.  We are fooled into believing that we need these things.  We need more! You must have the newer model. You need. Need. Need.  Need. You need things that didn’t exist years ago, that suddenly we can’t live without, and yet we did, for like, forever! (You know like back when we could count!)

I’m a big fan of recycling. Not just plastic, but clothing.  All things.  So, even if you do want things, (and of course we all do) look for things that have been recycled, and repurposed.  Recycle and repurpose you own stuff or donate it to someone that will!  Hell, donate to folks that are in need.  You help them and you get to feel good!  You can also make some money selling your excess stuff!  YARD SALE!  Consignment.  There are a number of websites that make getting rid of crap easy!

It is certainly okay to have stuff.  Some things add value to your life.  Some things bring you joy and make you feel good.  Some simplify life! I’m not suggesting you get rid of all your things. I won’t ever suggest anyone do anything I haven’t done.  (Or intend to do!) 

The message is sometimes you can do more with less.  You can have less debt.  This may mean you can work less and have more time.  As a result, you can have less stress and a potentially longer, healthier life!

Bigger isn’t always better.  And more isn’t always better!  Sometimes, it’s just more!

Too much of anything can be unhealthy. 

You’re Getting Very Sleepy. No? Okay, well here’s why? Top 6 Ways to Sleep Better!
Spring Forward! – Time for Spring Cleaning

Throwing Shade on Shades – How the sun affects hormones (You too fellas!)

KAVON

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September 6, 2021

Throwing Shade on Shades

I know! You gotta have your shades.  I have never been a sunglass person myself.  I don’t even like wearing my reading glasses.  I wear hats when I need to only.  I guess I just don’t like stuff sitting on my head or face.  Don’t go there!  I know you did.

But I know some folks just cannot live without their shades.  And there are some good reasons to own and wear them.  But did you know that shielding your eyes from the sun 24/7 can negatively impact your whole body!

Okay.  I know you want to protect your balls.  (Not those!) And there’s some research that suggests that the sun can damage your eyes.  And perhaps there’s SOME truth to that. According to a 2014 study funded by the National Eye Institute, UV radiation can damage proteins in your eye’s lens. As a result, this can potentially increase a person’s risk for cataracts. That said, the risk for damage increases at certain times of the day. Certain settings, such as being near water or snow, or being in higher altitudes can reflect more light into your eyes, offering a double whammy to those eyeballs!

On the other hand, there are times of the day when shielding your eyes behind sunglasses isn’t such good idea. Studies show that the retina’s light receptors help to control your body’s circadian/internal clock. This is the internal clock that helps to regulate your appetite and sleep!  Research has shown that people who get “higher levels” of bright light in the morning tend to sleep better than those who sleep in, or stay in. The lack of sun can throw off your body clock, resulting in sleep deprivation.  And, if you read my post on sleep, you know that sleep deprivation can lead to a whole host of serious issues.  One of them, is immune function, and ain’t nobody got time for that during a pandemic!

Okay, so you think you look cool and that’s fine.  Just don’t keep them on ALL TIME TIME! Get some sun first thing in the morning! Exposing your eyes to natural light is a good thing!  Just don’t be out there staring into the sun, like some idiot who will remain nameless did during a solar eclipse! What a bozo!

So, let’s talk eyes and hormones, shall we?  Who knew there was a connection?  You might have.  I certainly did not!  Well, THERE IS!

When your eyes take in light, it directly affects your brain’s hypothalamus.  And in case you’re like, “My hypo-what?”  Your hypothalamus controls many of your body’s vital functions! The hypothalamus regulates the combined actions of the nervous and hormonal systems.

When that light doesn’t hit those eyeballs, it can lead to a complete malfunctioning of your endocrine system. You know that system that makes up the glands that produce and secrete the chemical substances known as hormones. Those hormones regulate how your cells and organs function.  They are the messengers that communicate information between cells and body parts. These chemical messengers/hormones regulate growth, metabolism, and sexual function.  (I have your attention now, don’t I?)

The glands that make up the endocrine system include the hypothalamus, thyroid, pituitary, parathyroids, adrenals, pineal, and your reproductive organs. The pineal gland benefits directly from the sun. The pineal gland is the one that produces melatonin.  Melatonin is a powerful antioxidant necessary for proper sleep and intestinal functions. This entire glandular system can be affected by light received through the eyes.

As we age, things start to malfunction.  Hormone production slows and changes on us, and some of these changes result in disease. We already have that working against us! The proper functioning of the endocrine system relies on our eyes being exposed to sunlight. Its absence can totally disrupt and screw up the whole program! Hell, think about seasonal depression during winter months when we don’t get enough sunlight!  That lack of sunlight can produce some major changes in our behavior and mood. (As if menopause wasn’t enough!)

Lack of exposure to sun can also lead to nervous system disorders, vitamin D deficiency, (common among my black and brown folks) weakened immune function, as well as cause or aggravate chronic disease.  

And fellas, if you think this doesn’t apply to you, you are dead wrong!  Sunlight is especially important for increasing testosterone. I’m sure you all know what that hormone is and does! Just exposing your back and chest to sunlight was found to increase testosterone as much as 120%.  Sunlight on the testicles raised testosterone production by 200–400%, but don’t be running around with your stuff hanging out, and don’t let me see you out on the street shirtless. It’s not a good look!

The bottom line is that the sun is extremely important to the proper functioning of the human body. Both sunglasses, and toxic sunscreens can negatively impact your health.

Lastly, while indoor full spectrum lighting might provide some eye stimulation, it won’t take the place of getting morning sun into those unshielded eyeballs.  So, get some sun in your eyes!  But try not to squint!  (Causes wrinkles!)

Don’t Doubt Me Out – Believe in yourself!

KAVON

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August 31, 2021

Photo by Guillermo Cummings

I am on the tail end of much needed vacation.  Earlier this week, I had an outdoor, socially distanced, dinner with my friend Barb.  In addition to being a friend, Barb is a psychologist, and when I’m lucky, will write an occasional guest post for me.

Our conversations are always interesting, and never end without something to think about. I almost feel as if our dinner should be covered by my insurance!

During our meal, I shared with her some of the things I’ve been working on during this downtime.  (Yes, I worked on my vacation.  But, in my opinion, it’s not work when you enjoy it!)  With a full-time gig, I must work on my dreams at every opportunity.

As I sat there telling her about all the things I wanted to accomplish through my writing, I could  hear that whisper from my inner critic, quietly saying, “Those are some pretty lofty goals Sis!  Who do you think you are? You are too old for all these crazy dreams!  You should just buy a house with a porch and get yourself a nice rocking chair!  Do like everyone else your age and focus on retirement!”  I did my best to ignore the whispers. Although I have become increasingly better at it, I still have some work to do.  Like my next production, I am a work in progress!

Barb asked me how I have so much energy, and how I stay motivated.  I realized that on this trip, most of the friends I reconnected with were on average, 15-20 years younger than I am. All of them are pursuing goals.  (Even those that have reached what most would consider success.) As a result, they inspire me. I have also surrounded myself with supportive friends that encourage me.

The company you keep matters!

I spent a lot of time on the beach this week reading, thinking, listening to podcasts, and more often than anything else, listening to the waves. (For me, the equivalent of meditation.) Which is often a better idea than listening to the voices of doubt in my head. I really made a conscious effort to replace every negative thought or doubt with a positive one! 

Let you in on another little secret. I had “If you believe” from the original soundtrack of the Wiz in heavy rotation. THE ORIGINAL!!! Dee Dee Bridgewater original! That song brings back such fond memories of when my Mother sent me to see it on Broadway. (I would later take my Daughter to see the same show when Stephanie Mills returned in the 90’s. I will never forget her asking me, referring to Stephanie Mills. “Mommy. Is she that little in real life?” Hilarious. It was her first live theater experience!) But back to 1975. No one believed in me more than Mommy did. It was one of the last things she said to me from the hospital. I certainly can’t blame her on any issues I might have with confidence or self esteem!

I shouldn’t need Glinda the Good Witch or the clicking of any damn heels. And in sand, I would have looked a tad crazy! (Now that I think of it, I might have fit right in considering the beach I was sitting on. But, baby if I had clicked my heels and ended up back in NJ, I would have been pissed!)

Thinking back on the week, once you’ve seen a lady, (I’m guessing 80) on a bike with fairy wings, giant white googles, a pink tutu with a bubble blowing machine attached to her beach cruiser roll by, I doubt anyone would have looked at me clicking some heels in the sand. Oh s*#t! She was totally Fairy God Mothered out! How did I miss that?

Photo by sydney Rae

But anyway. Back to doubt. Of course, I have moments of doubt.  Moments where I feel that familiar fear of failure creeping up on me.  The difference is now I hear it coming and real talk, I became pretty skillful this past week at swatting those moments down with thoughts like…..“Can’t?  Remember when you…….Remember how you? Girl, you don’t do CAN’T!” As a result, with each passing day, there were far fewer of those moments.  As a matter of fact, you know what? F*%k a calendar, a clock and DOUBT!  I don’t need an MBA to share what I’ve learned and experienced.  I don’t need one to inspire others.  I don’t need one to make people laugh. 

During our dinner, Barb told me about these mental memos she’s been sharing with her clients.  I asked if I could read them, and she happily shared.  I read them all, but the one that follows resonated with me the most this week.  So, I wanted to share. 

I want to thank Barb for allowing me to share this as my blog post this week!  It allowed me to focus those hours on writing my new project. (Stay tuned!)

Self Esteem

by Barb Fotsch

Where are you within the narrative of self-esteem, and self-worth? It seems that many of us have decent self confidence in many areas….maybe you say something like ….”I was/am a good student, a good cook, a good writer, artist, photographer”- whatever. We look at our skills and feel pretty darn good.

But somehow the self-esteem thing gets more complicated. It goes a little deeper, doesn’t it? Perhaps we are afraid of success or pull up some kind of crippling doubt that suggests the “imposter syndrome.”

Social media has taken it to a new level, and it is easy to fall into the mental trap that we just aren’t good enough. Many of these thoughts come from our upbringing or painful experiences, but does that mean we will always be sitting around with limiting beliefs about ourselves? I don’t think so.

There are things we can do to help retrain/unlearn these disparaging thoughts. Here are only a few.

  • Stop comparing
  • Be around positive people, make friends with people who make you feel better
  • Calm negative emotions
  • Accept compliments
  • Develop your competencies
  • Eliminate self-critical talk

Most of us have talked about these things in counseling or with friends. We believe in the approach, it’s just hard to do. This leads back to my recent mantra about developing grit…..another term to use is ….”mental toughness.” I love it and encourage us to give more thought to this area.

Damon Zahariades wrote a book called The Mental Toughness Handbook, where he outlines ideas that help us develop a sturdy approach to life. Perhaps we can:

  • Learn how to disentangle from things we can’t influence
  • Get flexible in handling unexpected events
  • Be willing to face uncertain circumstances
  • Ask for evidence from our inner critic (remember our inner critic excels in distortion and exaggerated thinking

So, any way we look at it, we have to get movin’. You are a valuable human being and don’t you dare forget it! And that is SELF ESTEEM.

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit”. – E.E. Cummings

Black Girl Magic (Notebook) Let me get WRITE to the point

KAVON

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August 23, 2021

While doing some research for potential sponsors/partners for my future podcast and stage production, I decided (considering the amount of wine, my audience demographic probably consumes! Don’t shoot the messenger!) that statistically,I should consider some female or minority-owned wine brands.  Years ago, through a friend, I was introduced to the McBride Sisters.  (Not physically, but their company. At the time, there was talk of a TV show.  Not sure what happened! I still love the idea.)

Until recently, I had never actually tried the wine.  I was just really fascinated by their story. Two sisters raised continents apart, both in the wine biz, but neither knowing the other existed!  You can read their story on their site. AFTER YOU FINISH MY POST!

https://www.mcbridesisters.com/Sisters-Story

I finally decided to purchase and try a bottle of their wine.  I visited their site before making my decision.  There it was.  The obvious choice!

Black Girl Magic
Exceptional wine for exceptional women.

“Black Girl Magic is more than a phrase. It’s a feeling. A look. A mood. A taste. The McBride Sisters Collection Black Girl Magic Wines are Robin and Andréa’s personal ode to their culture and story, inspired by the magic and resilience of Black women, to be enjoyed by all.”

Perfect choice. I grabbed a bottle and it sat lonely in the rack until one Thursday night a few weeks ago. Well, let me tell you, they did not misrepresent.  It was an exceptional wine.  Thinking about their amazing story, I was inspired to break out what my sister refers to as my magic notebook and create some Black Girl Magic myself!  

That said, race has absolutely nothing to do with this post.  I write to inspire ALL.  I just happen to be a black girl with a so-called magic notebook. (Ironically, my so-called magic notebook is always BLACK, but I will explain. That’s not racial either!)

The accounting professional in me will just not allow me to write in a red notebook! You want to be “in the black and profitable” financially, so I just got in the habit of buying black notebooks. If you looked inside my purse, (But please don’t! It is quite scary in there!) you will always see a few notebooks. There is usually a separate one for creative writing.  Typically, symbolically green (meaning I hope one day to make a little green from it.) or orange, my favorite color, just because it makes me happy.

In one, you will find a never-ending, constantly updated, to-do list.  There are numerous pages that have Mon – Friday written on them.  Next to each day is a list of things I MUST accomplish.  There’s a column I create on the right with a free-style, often crooked horizontal line, with things I HOPE to accomplish, but less urgent.

About halfway through, I will fold a page over (My version of a divider or tab!) and this is where the so-called magic happens.  This is where the goals meet dreams.  This is where I write the things I want to manifest.  (Goals.  Dreams.)

Now, I don’t by any means think the notebook is magic, but I do think there is something magic about “WRITING THINGS DOWN.”  Maybe, it’s just seeing something in writing repeatedly.  Once I revisit the notes, I start thinking about them.  Which brings me back to the power and possibility of thoughts.

Gandhi said, “A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”  (Or woman! A Benz owner and a beach bum! I will explain.)

I’m a big believer in “writing things down.”  When we write things down, we enter a world of possibility. Writing things down helps your mind to focus on what you feel is important. 

For instance, and this is NOT a flex. I once wrote down years ago that a Mercedes Benz would be my next car. I didn’t need a car that I recall. I had no plans to buy a car, yet a few months later, I ended up with a Benz.  That wasn’t the first time I wrote something down and it showed up.  I always dreamed of living at the beach.  For four years I did. At that time, the probability of my living at the beach, was slim to none.  I’m sure many years ago, I wrote I wanted to live in LA.  I probably didn’t know a soul at the time.  Had zero job prospects. I just knew one day, I wanted to live there.  A few years later, a friend moved there, started a company, and offered me a job.  I had a bunch of new friends there I had met at a conference and off I went!

Now you might think, “shallow!  Why was a Benz important to her?”  For one, I thought they were beautiful, well-built machines.  They were one of the safest cars at the time. (Before they were made in the US of plastic!) I also worked hard and felt I deserved to drive a nice, comfortable, and safe car.  I didn’t want it so I could “front” or impress.  I wanted it because I felt that it was what I deserved.  And considering the amount of time I was spending in my car; a nice ride would make it less painful!  At the time, that was important to me. Quite frankly, it still is. 

But back to the power of writing things down!  Whenever you write things down, you are focused on what you are writing.  Those words create intent. 

While I might not think of the notebook as magic, I think of the notes inside as magic. I now assume what I write down in my book it is already done.  You could say that the notes are my messages to the universe.  

So, is there a relationship between writing down your goals, dreams, and desires, and actually manifesting them?   I have to say, in my experience, the answer is YES.  Have I achieved everything that I wrote in my notebooks?  Not yet. (Probably because I lost the notebook!) But I’m still here.  There’s still time. And unfortunately, the universe doesn’t run by my watch!

But there are other benefits to writing things down.  With my to-do lists, there is a sense of accomplishment when you cross things off the list!  It feels productive. It feels good!  And we should take all the good feelings we can get!  They lead to other good feelings.

According to a study done by Dr. Gail Matthews at the Dominican University in California, by writing down your goals and sharing them with a friend, (Which I’m sure I torture my close friends with!)  you are 62% more likely to accomplish them.  I’ll take those odds!

Individuals have also demonstrated increased ability to remember things by writing things down as opposed to just reading something.  Neuropsychologists call it the “generation effect.” Writing your goals is like a two-fer.  You access this “generation effect” twice. Once, when you decide or generate the goal in your mind, creating a mental image or picture.  And a second time when you write it down, because you must think about that mental image again.

So, once again, it comes down to thoughts! You had to have a thought before you wrote it down.  While my notebook might not be magic, perhaps thoughts are.

I’m not sure I did much writing that evening. I’m not sure I created any magic that night, but I damn sure drank some!  I guess you could say I focused on that wine and accomplished my goal.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2018/04/15/neuroscience-explains-why-you-need-to-write-down-your-goals-if-you-actually-want-to-achieve-them/?sh=d96b56779059